So I'm playing GTA IV, and decided to go on an ever ending quest to eradicate the city of human life. In the days of Vice City and San Andreas, killing random civilians was always a blast, riding down the sidewalks at full speed and barreling through traffic in a tank or dump truck. The random and senseless violence was always fun and stress relieving, but only because those games were so cartoony, so unreal, that it seemed entertaining. I realized that in the course of playing part IV, I had never gone on a completely bat shit rampage, just killing everything in site. I have beaten the game, and still I hadn't done this yet. So I ran to the local gun store, stocked up on rocket launcher ammo and grenades and decided to paint the town red. (that was corny as hell but screw you it's my blog)

It didn't last very long...The cops eventually took me out so I said screw it, time to kill some hookers. Ah the hooker, the street walker supreme, the diva of the night, just out to make a buck or two. I got into my Infernus and scoped out the scene to find me a midnight momma. I found an area on the third island where hookers seem to flock like moths to a flame. I grabbed one and threw her in my car and drove down a dark alley to get serviced. 70 dollars and one cigarette later she got out of the car and started to leave. Fuck that, I want my money back, out comes the desert eagle and BAM, no more hooker. That was when it all changed.

I walked over to the corpse to get my money back when it suddenly hit me, a pang of guilt. Fuck, I just killed this chick. I actually felt bad. Early on in the game, in a mission for Little Jacob, you have to wait out back and make sure the dealers don't try to cheese it out the back door, I ran over two as they fled but missed the third. I got out and fired, hit the guy in the shoulder and he looked at me like, "Well shit, here we go", and I shot again, nailing him in the dome and bringing him down. This is the first time it happened, the first time I felt bad for killing someone in GTA. GTA, Grand Theft Auto...a game where you can commit mass genocide and it's ok, but now, in IV, it just seems so different.

Maybe it's the fact that Niko is such a nice guy, or at least tries to be, or maybe it's because this game is pretty goddamn realistic in it's portrayal of violence. Perhaps it's the euphoria engine that makes it so bad, people grab their arms or legs or limp away in pain when they are hurt. Whatever it was, I feel bad for killing innocent people in this game. Only now do I realize that that sounds terrible, It's not ok to kill people, murder is bad, but when done in a cartoonish fashion or over the top goofy ways, it's cool. I'm obviously not abdicating anything here, you know what I mean so shut up.

I don't get it, I've been killing people for years in video games and I've never felt like this before. Either way...has anyone else felt this? Maybe not in this game in particular but in any game have any of you ever felt any real guilt for what you've done?