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"Where do dreams end and reality begin? Videogames, I suppose."- Gainax, FLCL Vol. 1

"The beach, the trees, even the clouds in the sky... everything is build from little tiny pieces of stuff. Just like in a Gameboy game... a nice tight little world... and all its inhabitants... made out of little building blocks... Why can't these little pixels be the building blocks for love..? For loss... for understanding"- James Kochalka, Reinventing Everything part 1

"I wonder if James Kolchalka has played Mother 3 yet?" Jonathan Holmes



Wild Holmes pic by Cadtalfryn



AnthonyDressRun sprites by Jonathan Holmes

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C-Blog vs F-Page editors DEBATE TO THE DEATH! Gaming Instruction Booklets: Classic or Dud? Jonathan Holmes | 10:18 AM on 12.30.2007 29 comments

Hello, and welcome to this, the first in a series of debates between the editors of the C-blogs and those of the front page of www.Destructoid.com . I, Jonathan Holmes, formally C-Blog editor Tron Knotts, am here as both moderator and co-contributor to this bold first edition to what will hopefully become an epic series of time wasters. As the title suggests, this debate is on the topic of video games instruction booklets, their past, present and future. arguing against these instruction booklets will be Sock Guy of the world famous Destructoid C-blogs. And in defense of instruction booklets is rookie front page editor Jonathan Holmes. Sock Guy's text will be in red, and Jonathan's in blue. I here by pronounce this debate to be open. Please start the clock. Thank You. Sock Guy, please approach the podium... "Thanks Lettuce Head. It's a pleasure to be here. Do we really need instruction booklets that come inside game cases anymore? Answer, NO! First lets look at the reasons for having them. The obvious is to tell you how to play the damn game. Look I’m an old school gamer and I don’t need no instructions to tell me that stepping on bullets is bad and eating shrooms good. (thanks Mario) Also, for the record, the original Mario Bros game didn’t come with an instruction booklet. Modern games today have first level tutorials explaining everything in detail. This alone renders the books useless." Jonathan, you're rebuttal? "Thanks Jonathan. Well, Sock Guy does make a charming argument. We would all like to think ourselves too "Hard Core" for instruction of any kind. But indeed, this is not the case. Many human beings in out world have not been playing video games for over ten years. Many gamers are completely new to the world of "analog sticks" and "B buttons". They not only have no idea what these things are, but also where they are on a given controller. To say that games no longer need instructions just because we all should know how to play them by now is like saying VCR's should no longer come with instructions because they too have been around for years. Sheer Poppycock." Sock Guy, you're retort? "Jonathan, you ignorant slut. Looking through the first few pages of any game book reads like a drug commercial telling you just playing the game for more than 30 minutes can melt your eyes and make you sterile. (I’m half way there!) Even if you didn’t get the booklet with game because you bought it used (cheap bastard) there are hundreds of sites to get all the information you could ever need online (Like Destructoid). True story, when growing up, my friend Jared’s mom actually read the instruction booklet of all of her son’s games to make sure there wasn’t any satanic symbols. She read the warning about eye strain and taking breaks every 30 minutes to turn off the system. No lie, when the egg timer went off every 30 minutes so did the game. Last time I EVER stayed there. He never beat Contra. He had really messed up parents. Don’t let game books screw up your family too!" Time! Thank you, Sock Guy. Jonathan, what's your response?" "Well, I wish I could say that I'm surprised at my opponent's reliance on cheap insults and scare tactics to make his point, but seeing as he is a mere C-blogger and not a F-Page editor like myself, these sorts of unprofessional cheap shots are to be expected. I feel for the pain and suffering your friend Jared must have gone through. His plight is shared by millions of oppressed young video game players through out our great nation. But it's parents like his, not instruction booklets, that need to be destroyed" Is that all, Jonathan? "Yes, Jonathan. I refuse to acknowledge the remainder of my opponents comments, as according to him, I am obviously too ignorant and slutty to do so." (Goes to corner and pouts). Ok then. Sock Guy, back to you. "Thanks Jonathan. I have a lot more to say. Like what about the two blank pages at the end of the booklet for “Notes”. If you bought the game used you can almost guarantee there was some little brat who used it for a coloring book to draw bigger boobies on Chun Lee. You either end up hanging it on the fridge or throw it away because of the Cheerios stuck to it. Of course there is the obvious reason to stop sticking these in games, to save trees and cost. Think about it, Halo 1, 2 and 3 have sold a combined total of 18 million copies, all of them with instruction books. That’s enough to wipe out the entire Ewok forest. This could be a good or bad thing depending on your view of Jedi Returns. Damn Muppets. If that doesn’t make you mad, consider how many trees had to die to make booklets for games like Shaq Fu, Fantastic 4 and Superman 64. Like you really need a booklet to tell you Step 1. take Superman and fly through ring in the green haze. Step 2. repeat step one.. It is up to us to stop the mindless reading and get kids playing again. In short, won’t someone think of the Ewoks, their habitat and families like Jared’s? Now if you’ll excuse me I have to find my game booklet with all my Street Fighter combos. Hadoken." Hadoken to you too, sir. And thank you for your time. Jonathan, any closing comments? "I admire Sock Guy's motives. Ewoks and do deserve out support. But not at the cost as something as vital, as intrinsic to the gaming experience as instruction booklets. Some of the greatest reading experiences in my life time have come from video game instructions. Below you will find scans of some of my favorite moments in instruction booklet history. In some instances, these instructions were more valuable to me than the game they accompanied. Instructions are part of what makes games worth buying. If you don't like them, you can choose to recycle them yourself. But please Sock Guy, I implore you, don't force your fascist, booklet hating values on the rest of us. The day that instruction booklets are banned is the day that the world of Vaunagut's Fahrenheit 451 becomes a reality. We must not let that happen. Thank you for your support". And with that, our debate comes to a close. The floor is now open to inquiries from the audience. You in the front, what's your question? Attached photos: