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     Jonathan Holmes's Blog
What the Wii Wheel is really for
 by Jonathan Holmes on 04.27.2008      16 comments




I've never been the biggest Mario Kart fan. I actually loathed the SNES and N64 titles. But Double Dash and MK DS were both good for about a months worth of fun, and after reading Nick's review, I figured "what the hell? Worst case scenario, I re-gift it."

The game is NOT full of surprises, but it's more fun that past Mario Karts, largely due to the new trick system. It's endlessly fun to pull a trick, especially as opportunities to do so are so ridiculously plentiful. If you get even one foot of air from a small jump, hill, even the curb on the side of the road, you can get a trick off it. It's almost like Jet Grind Radio, but not quite that awesome. But what is, right?

As for the Wii Wheel? Sillyness. Playing with the Wii Remote alone offers an almost identical experience. I do prefer this motion control based method over the GCN or Classic Controllers, but they could have left the wheel out of the package and I wouldn't have minded. Or at least, that's what I initially thought. Then I threw Brawl in for a test drive with the Wii Wheel, and it all suddenly made sense.

Not all of us have the extra money for More Nunchucks and classic controllers and GCN controllers and all that. If you are such a person, then you have been saddened by the fact that you can't play local multi-player in Brawl without one person suffering the severe handicap of playing with the Wii Remote alone. Well, I have your answer.

Stick that jammie in the Wii Wheel. All will be right with the world.

The reason why the Wii Remote alone control scheme doesn't work for Brawl is because the freaking block button is nigh-impossible to hit when you want to. It's in a deep, dark, out of the way spot on the neither regions of the controller, so unless you have the dexterity of a ninja and the delicate touch of lady-hands, it's been pretty much understood that " Wii Remote alone" players wont be blocking in Brawl (on purpose). The Wii Wheel, and it's big, man-hand friendly B button changes all that. It's actually easier to block in Brawl with the Wii Wheel than with the Classic Controller or the Nunchuck.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go try it and see.
My feature film debut
 by Jonathan Holmes on 04.26.2008      15 comments




So, I'm in a independent film that's premiering tomorrow in Somerville, MA. I play a serial killer that sings. Yeah yeah, Sweeny Todd, I know. But this was shot last March, before the movie came out.

Anyway, you can buy tickets here if you want to go and throw tomatoes at the screen, or at me in person, because I'm probably going to be there.
Luc Bernard's C-Blog reveals new Eternity's Child character and game play
 by Jonathan Holmes on 02.27.2008      33 comments



Luc Bernard's C-Blog reveals new Eternity's Child character and game play photo


In his recent mammoth sized Destructoid interview, Luc Bernard eluded to the fact that his upcoming game Eternity's Child has gained some additional game play elements in the process of making the jump from XBLA to WiiWare, but at the time he didn't get into the details of what those elements would be. Well, today the little French/English tease has finally put out, if only just a little.

Luc's latest (and perhaps greatest) Destructoid Community Blog contains info on not only a new playable character, but those new WiiWare specific game play mechanics as well. I just contacted Luc for some additional info on this development, and was told specifically by Luc to"Blog it right now, before Kotaku does! I just sent them an email" So forgive me if these seems rushed.

In Eternity's Child, you'll control the game's central character Angel with the analog stick on the Wii-Nunchuck. With the Wii-Remote, you will control an on-screen cursor, that big weird heart with wings. By pressing one of the buttons on the Wii-Remote (Luc didn't tell me which), you can signal to Angel's female friend shown in the pick below to throw (Luc's words, not mine) at what ever the heart shaped cursor is aimed at. The girl side kick will be at Angel's side through out the entirety of the game.



Luc, coy as always, is currently unwilling to tell us what this female co-protagonist's name will be, but I have a hunch that it'll be Rose. Don't ask me why. So in summation, Eternity's Child will allow for a sort of make shift co-op experience, not dissimilar that found in Super Mario Galaxy. One player could hold the Wii-Nunchuck to control Angel, the other the Wii-Remote to control the heart and "Rose". Not bad for a $5 game.

Oh, and it looks like Luc is also having a little popularity contest for his characters right now. I personally think he's doing this to help him decide which of those characters will appear in an upcoming Luc Bernard game, or maybe even as a secret character in Eternity's Child. Just me guessing here folk. I promise. If you are at all interested in his games, drop Luc a comment or a suggestion. He listens to his fans. Trust me on this, I know from experience. Via Luc Bernard's C-Blog

Attached photos:

Photo
Patapon Drops in the US today!
 by Jonathan Holmes on 02.27.2008      18 comments






Buy it.

Seriously.

It's $20, and gave me more thrills, chills, laughs, and genuine "awww FUCK!" moments than I've gotten from a game in many years.
English Training for Japanese Hookers NSFW
 by Jonathan Holmes on 02.17.2008      20 comments




Some one please make this into a DS game.

Scud returns to comics today! Issue 21 in stores now.
 by Jonathan Holmes on 02.06.2008      10 comments




If you read comics in the 90's, were at least 16, and at all worth talking to, you probably loved Scud: The Disposable Assassin. As many of you out there on D-toid were born in the 90's, you might have missed the boat. It's not too late for you, as the series is suddenly back with a fugly vengeance. I picked up the latest issue today, and I'm psyched.

Scud was the first independent American comic book to completely screw convention and tell violent, surreal, and genuinely funny stories that actually spoke to regular teenage males. Sure, before Scud there were all those fucked up Fritz the Cat comics and Heavy Metal magazines and all that. Those weren't really made for teenagers, more for burnt out hippies and "adult fantasy" enthusiasts. No, Scud was something else entirely.

I've got a front page blog to do, so I really can't blab more about it now. But I want to tell you guys to go buy Scud issue #21. The series is back from a ten year hiatus, and it's better than ever. You wont need to have ever read the series before to understand whats going on, and if you like the writing and sensibility of Destructoid, I guarantee Scud issue #21 will make you happy.

Here's [url=http://www.robschrab.com/]Scud's daddy's site[url]. He wrote the now famous failed pilot for Heat Vision and Jack, a tv series about Jack Black and talking motorcycle voiced by Owen Wilson kicking ass and asploding alien asses. He also wrote Monster House, which I thought would suck but didn't. He writes and directs the Sarah Silverman Program, which I thought wouldn't suck but sort of does, but that's because Sarah Silverman is the definition of anti-charisma. Those two fake gay dudes are hilarious though.

Anyway, yeah. Rob Schrab. Funniest sounding name in Hollywood, and comic book genius. He's no fuck up. Well, actually he is, but he's a damn talented fuck up.

I'm sure you can relate.

Dig.

Eagle Vs Shark is an awesome movie.
 by Jonathan Holmes on 02.03.2008      11 comments




It's a great film for gamers and the women who love them. The story is more or less about a miserable loser who some how gets lucky enough to have a sweet, gaming talented girl crush on him. Mayhem (eventually) ensues.

It sounds predictable, but it's not. What it is, however, is pretty damn funny, and actually effective as a drama to boot. Plus, it has clay-mation apples.

It's available on demand from Comcast right now for a measly five bucks.

Rent it, ya sucka. Ya foolish, foolish sucka!

MLK Day = Slows News Day: Stories I still self-rejected from the Front Page despite the slowness
 by Jonathan Holmes on 01.21.2008      15 comments




Here's my rap-

"It's great to celebrate the life of Em El Kay,

But why's that mean we gotta have ourselves a slow news day?

Em El Kay would never say 'Hey, here's my dream!'

On my day I say no video gaime news should be seen,

My favorite site Destructoid, will be so slow,

There'll be post on CosPlay porn, in the front row,

A Virtual Console post on no one's favorite games,

And a rap by nerd that is super, duper, lay-ame!

DAM!

WURD!

KICK BACK!

SHACK A LACK, CRAZY WACK FUNKY!"

(crickets chirp)

Yes folks, news is so slow today, I rapped. I was also tempted to post these new Leisure Suit Larry pics on the Front Page, and then make jokes about how all the characters look like rejects from the Bratz factory and that no one plays Leisure Suit Larry any more. Then I realized that that is exactly why I shouldn't post them on the front page. News may be slow today, but not that slow.

Next up is this Live Action Garfield/Final Fantasy 6 mash-up. Although I never even vaguely considered posting this on the front page, the fact that I was even looking at it today instead of thinking about posting real news is equally indicative of today's sloth-turtle levels of slowness.

The Walmart/Brawl Saga concludes: They gave me $10
 by Jonathan Holmes on 01.19.2008      14 comments




So, as some of you Cheap Ass Gamers may know, a few weeks back Wal-mart started pre-orders on Super Smash Bros Brawl. They were selling the game for something like $20. I pre-ordered two copies.

Less than 24 hours later, my order was forcibly canceled with no explanation, but it was safe to guess that Wal-mart decided against the amazing deal that had just previously offered. Ah well, no big loss, though I was excited to give away one of the bargin priced copies of Brawl in some sort of contest here on the 'toid.

This morning I get a email from Wal-mart that states the following.

To: Jonathan Holmes,
From: Walmart.com Gift Card
Sent: 19, Jan, 4:49 AM, 2008
Subject: Walmart.com bought a Walmart.com Online Gift Card for you!
Card Amount: $10
Card Number: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
PIN: XXXX

Hello Jonathan Holmes,

This Walmart.com Online Gift Card for $10 has been sent to you by Walmart.com for buying merchandise at Walmart.com. If you're a Sam's Club member, you can also use this Gift Card at samsclub.com.

The details of this Online Gift Card are below. Please save this email. It is the only record of your Gift Card information that you will receive. For your convenience, click "Save Card to Account" below to link this Gift Card to your account as soon as possible. The Gift Card information will be stored in your account for future online purchases."

I guess this is their way of saying "Sorry we almost let you rip us off." Nice, huh?

The moral of the story is, if you see a unbelievable deal on a big retail chain's web site, make the most of it immedietely. At best they'll honor the deal, at worst they'll just give you a refund, and maybe even a little gift for your trouble.
Brawl video shows Olimar's Final Smash (for two seconds)
 by Jonathan Holmes on 01.16.2008      12 comments




Of course, I would never dream of trying to post a Brawl vid on the front page. That's brother Hamza's job, as you can see here and here. But the c-blogs are fair game, and plus it's still fun for me to post 'round here. No pressure or quality control. And it helps me stay close to you, the little people.

With that I give you this new commercial for SSB:Brwal. Beyond just being a fun 30 second romp of joy, it actually shows a snippet of Olimar's final smash towards the end. Looks like Olly's FS is pretty risk free. He takes of in the "golden pimp" version of his ship from Pikmin 2, the one you can only get after paying back all your company's debt. After he has blasted off and night falls, it looks like some ugly things happen to the players left behind after the sun goes down, just as they do to what ever Pikmin Olimar didn't return home at the end of the day in the Pikmin games. Are those bulborb butts I see? I think they are.

Plus, check out the Olimar strut. How can you not be impressed with this little fucker?


Attached photos:

Photo Photo Photo Photo
I was a c-blogger for a while under the name Tron Knotts. I've since willed that moniker to a good friend of mine, who'll be carrying on the tradition with out me. I'm a (probationary) D-Toid staffer now, and it's time to be a real grown up. A real grown up who spends hours a day writing about video games, while still working a full time job, and also trying some game production on the side.

I've been gaming since the Atari days, still prefer 2D to 3D graphics, and currently don't even own a 360, though I'll have to buy another one once Castle Crashers comes out.

I read the old Resident Evil 3 strategy guide while occupied in the bathroom, not because I'm still trying to figure out how to beat the game, but just because I really like the way it's written. There are some timeless jokes in that guide. Seriously. You should go buy it.

I was on a reality show years ago, and instead of trying to get into dramas with my cast mates, I was usually looking for the nearest arcade. We went to Seattle on one mission, and instead of spending time in front of the cameras, I did my best to stay inside that huge three story Dreamworks fun house type place they used to have there, the one that Spielberg started. That's when Street Fighter 3 was brand new, and I was more excited about that game than I ever could be about becoming a reality show personality. Not that being on a reality show wasn't fun. I got to make dumb jokes and watch them later on tv. That's a great time by anyone's standards. But Street Fighter 3 was more than just a great time. It was a great time WITH CPS-3 enabled, CD-ROM TECHNOLOGY!

Ahem.

So anwyay, by that criteria I'm not sure if I can be considered a "Hardcore" gamer. I didn't even know who Kratos was until last year. But I think it would be wrong to not at least give me the rank of "DieHard GameFan". I love video games, but am just sort of old and set in my ways. These fancy new Halo's all the kids be playing these days just don't make no kinda sense to me. But Castlevania 3? Now that's my kind of hot chocolate.

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