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Hi. I'm John and I'm your favorite rapper's favorite rapper.

One day I got the chance to tighten up the graphics on level 3. Now I do it for a living.

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6:10 PM on 08.13.2008

So while I'm in between gigs at the moment, I've decided to catch up on all of the games that I missed in the midst of all the insanity that has been my life the past five months.

Over the weekend I picked up Geometry Wars 2 on XBL. My buddy Steve came over and we played it, non-stop, for around five hours. Our eyes were literally bleeding by the end of the night. The 1/2 a handle of Captains that we drank in the process didn't help things either.

After Steve left I decided to give the game a whirl on single player, despite constant pleas from my girlfriend to "go to fucking sleep you retard."

Probably one of the coolest features of XBL is the fact that you've got that whole "friends leader board" thing, which for me functions as one of those constant you've-got-friends-that-are-better-at-a-game-than-you-are reminders, which REALLY pisses me off. My buddy Jim, a programmer over at Midway, had a score of over 8.5 million in a single player game. I looked at his score, thought of Jim, and then thought "Fuck that guy I know I can beat his score" and started playing...

As we all do when were in that gaming "zone", I started creating my own personal goals that, in my mind, would lead to the perfect game that would kick Jim's scores ass...

* No dieing in the first minute.
* Must use at least one bomb per minute.
* Must have at least 200x multiplier by the 1.3 minute mark

My thumbs were sore, I hadn't had any exercise all day and I was sweating while I was playing the game. Loser? Abso-fuckin'lutely - Going to beat Jim's score? Hells yes.

Three hours past and the best score I had registered was around 3.5 million. I started blaming my inability to get a decent score on the fact that I was totally shit-canned at the time... And even though life seemingly sucked at this point, at least I could be happy that out of my entire leader board of friends, I was ranked 2nd. It kinda felt like the Olympics, y'know? I was like, "well I didn't get the Gold, but at least I'm Silver..."

And then complete and total disaster struck.

Oh look who just logged online, I say to myself, If it isn't Mr. fucking Destructoid himself, Nick Chester...

Rather than harass Nick for completely blowing off my party last week to hang with his wifey (Despite reminders of free booze, lose women, Just Blaze DJing the party, sports celebs hangin' around plus games a-go-go) I decide to let him escape from harassment unscathed as I'm sweating my ass off trying to top Jimbo's high score.

I wrap up the game (With another shitty 1.5 million score) and what do I see?

Oh isn't that fucking nice - Ole' Nicky's got a 12.6-fucking-million score.

Can someone please tell me what fucking drug Nick was on when he got that high score?

I ended up settling with a bronze for the evening.

The next day on XBL I harassed Nick and we played a few games of GTAIV online together. More on that in my next post...

2:08 PM on 04.21.2008

This is too funny not to share with the DToid community. If Surfer Girl can post blogs about NVGR political shit then so should I - Especially when it's this funny...

11:24 AM on 04.21.2008

So I ran into the infamous Mr. Nick Chester this past weekend, who told me to get my shit together and start blogging again.

99% of the time you are going to find something Hip-Hop related here, so my apologies if that isn't your thing:

The Game F. Keyshia Cole - Pain

Madonna F. Kanye West - The Beat Goes On

Estelle F. Cee-Lo - Pretty Please Love Me


So I joined the Entertainment Consumers Association through LinkedIn and recieved this E-mail from president Hal Halpin about the fight for net neutrality and what gamers can do to help out...

"Without Net Neutrality, your Internet Service Provider is free to charge you extra for playing World of Warcraft, to interfere with Xbox Live, or to completely shut off your ability to access your favorite Web sites. Net Neutrality affects your entire online experience.

Please stand with your fellow gamers and make sure Net Neutrality is guaranteed."

Holy shit - So you mean to tell me that Comcast could charge me even more than the already overpriced $100 I have to pay for cable/internet, plus the extra $50 bucks in "equipment rental fees" and taxes and crap just because I play video games online?!

Fuck that. Take a stand by clicking here and sending the automated letter to your member of congress.

Sorry for the spam, but I think that is crazy. The gaming community needs to band together and take a stand against this kind of crap.

11:20 AM on 03.27.2008

So I've been out of the C-Blogging scene for the past few weeks becasue (a) crunch mode sucks and (b) I came down with a wicked case of the flu last week that had me bed ridden until about a day ago.

Anyway, I'll be updating my blog more regularly again with some cool new game stories, so be on the lookout for that.

Random stuff since I've been sick:
I met some members of the ESA yesterday that swung through our studio for whatever-the-reason. I told them that they need to get on the latest presedential candidates and find out where they stand on the whole ESRB and video game violence issue. I think we know where Hillary stands, but I'm curious to see if Barak has changed his whole "put down your gameboys and go outside" attitude and what McCain's stance is. Our "little" community has a very powerful voice, it'll be interesting to see if the ESA could convince these guys take a minute to talk to us...

Not surprised they are doing a sequel to the 50 Cent game considering it sold four fucking million units.. Once again proves that sometimes game reviews don't mean shit. Note to fellow game snobs: There are more vidiots out there than you can possibly imagine (ask a GameStop employee). For everyone one of you that says something sucks, there are 1000 people out there that went and bought it... And most of the time when we think something is really cool, there are 1000s of other gamers that don't give a shit. Shit, look at the sales #'s for Turok...

I'm in the process of pitching... Anyone got a cool ideas?

Here is a video of me looking fat on ESPN's new video game show, Game Up. Fast forward to 17:55 to hear jabba talking about the new game... And yes, Game Up's Molly K. has officially become the hottest video game journo out there.

12:49 PM on 03.17.2008

This funny little video is getting passed around the office right now. Video Game Pitch Meeting 1979 is a hyterical take on what the early game industry concept pitch meetings must have been like... Right?

I'm lucky enough to have worked with a number of guys that were actually in the game industry during the time frame depicted in this video. Their take?

The video is a lot closer to representing types of meetings the guys in marketing had. Ha!

While I find the video to be quite funny, I think anyone worth their salt in the industry or otherwise should read up on the history of our favorite little past time. You'll realize that while there certainly was some crazy shit going on in the world, not everyone making these games was a total drug addict...

I've personally read The Ultimate History of Video Games, Phoenix: The Fall & Rise of Video Games and Game Over and reccomend all of them. The first one of the bunch is really the best IMO. I ended up fact checking a lot of the stories in there and found them all to be surprisingly accurate.

Those of you who prefer pictures should pick up High Score! which has a lot of great photos and details about our little industry, and (if you can find it) Supercade is probably my favorite "ohhh pictures!" of the bunch, as it has over 400 pages of glossy photos and interviews with a lot of the arcade greats.

I'm not sure why this has turned into a rant about game history, but I think it's super important that people know it. I meet so many people that consider themselves "hardcore gamers" yet they don't know shit about the history of the industry. You can't be "hardcore" if you can't answer these questions, y'know?

One of my favorite 2-part interview questions has always been "What's your favorite game of all time and what is the greatest game of all time?" You can tell a lot about someone by their response. If it's anything within the past year I always tell them to GTFO.