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Hi. I'm John and I'm your favorite rapper's favorite rapper.

One day I got the chance to tighten up the graphics on level 3. Now I do it for a living.

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6:10 PM on 08.13.2008

So while I'm in between gigs at the moment, I've decided to catch up on all of the games that I missed in the midst of all the insanity that has been my life the past five months.

Over the weekend I picked up Geometry Wars 2 on XBL. My buddy Steve came over and we played it, non-stop, for around five hours. Our eyes were literally bleeding by the end of the night. The 1/2 a handle of Captains that we drank in the process didn't help things either.

After Steve left I decided to give the game a whirl on single player, despite constant pleas from my girlfriend to "go to fucking sleep you retard."

Probably one of the coolest features of XBL is the fact that you've got that whole "friends leader board" thing, which for me functions as one of those constant you've-got-friends-that-are-better-at-a-game-than-you-are reminders, which REALLY pisses me off. My buddy Jim, a programmer over at Midway, had a score of over 8.5 million in a single player game. I looked at his score, thought of Jim, and then thought "Fuck that guy I know I can beat his score" and started playing...

As we all do when were in that gaming "zone", I started creating my own personal goals that, in my mind, would lead to the perfect game that would kick Jim's scores ass...

* No dieing in the first minute.
* Must use at least one bomb per minute.
* Must have at least 200x multiplier by the 1.3 minute mark

My thumbs were sore, I hadn't had any exercise all day and I was sweating while I was playing the game. Loser? Abso-fuckin'lutely - Going to beat Jim's score? Hells yes.

Three hours past and the best score I had registered was around 3.5 million. I started blaming my inability to get a decent score on the fact that I was totally shit-canned at the time... And even though life seemingly sucked at this point, at least I could be happy that out of my entire leader board of friends, I was ranked 2nd. It kinda felt like the Olympics, y'know? I was like, "well I didn't get the Gold, but at least I'm Silver..."

And then complete and total disaster struck.

Oh look who just logged online, I say to myself, If it isn't Mr. fucking Destructoid himself, Nick Chester...

Rather than harass Nick for completely blowing off my party last week to hang with his wifey (Despite reminders of free booze, lose women, Just Blaze DJing the party, sports celebs hangin' around plus games a-go-go) I decide to let him escape from harassment unscathed as I'm sweating my ass off trying to top Jimbo's high score.

I wrap up the game (With another shitty 1.5 million score) and what do I see?

Oh isn't that fucking nice - Ole' Nicky's got a 12.6-fucking-million score.

Can someone please tell me what fucking drug Nick was on when he got that high score?

I ended up settling with a bronze for the evening.

The next day on XBL I harassed Nick and we played a few games of GTAIV online together. More on that in my next post...

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