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Review: GTA V - Destructoid

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The most ELECTRIFYING Man in Gaming Entertainment. The Innovator of Random, taking you to the Top of Space Mountain, and crashing down on you for the 1, 2,3. Host of the Rad Show: Get There!

I have worked in the music industry, the radio industry, the engineering industry, and the wrestling industry. I represent Dtoid Western Kentucky Division 404. I like to make video games more entertaining. I also like riding ponies while eating bags of gummy bears. I also assist with various other Programs on the Streams. You can find me weekdays assisting with Mash Tactics or generally throwing randomness.

I plan on entertaining, or at least trying to entertain as much as I can until I forget to post, which happens when you're a busy person who is busy.

So basically I'm gonna try, until I need a day off and forget to post, and then someone is like man that guy was really cool, I think he died or something like the ultimate warrior, cause that's what happens when someone disappears, everyone assumes they're dead...or well at least I do. I swear that I thought Danny Glover died like 3 years ago. But when he sent me a message on twitter after I commented about him dying in a river rafting fruit collecting contest in Utah, I was like, "holy crap, he's not dead."
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Johnny Luchador
2:04 PM on 04.01.2013

I got my hands on a copy of GTA V from my friend of a friend of a friends dad who works at Rockstar.
So as your favorite Luchador, I decided to review it for you guys.


This game follows the mishaps and adventures of three bachelors as they attempt to adapt their lives to pseudo-fatherhood with the arrival of one of the men's love child.
Architect Peter Mitchell (Tom Selleck) Sexy


cartoonist Michael Kellam (Steve Guttenberg)Sexy Sexy

and actor Jack Holden (Ted Danson) Sexy Sexy Sexy


are happy living their lives as bachelors in their lofty New York City apartment. Their lives are disrupted when a baby arrives on their doorstep one day.
the Baby looks like this


A note with the child, Mary, indicates that it is Jack's or Michaels, or maybe Peter's I dont know, the result of an affair with a recent co-star. The baby arrives in Jack's absence – he is in Turkey shooting a B movie, I think it was that one episode of Friends actually, leaving Peter and Michael to fend for themselves in taking care of the child, something in which their lack of experience befuddles them. They meet up with Tyler Perry.

who teaches them a life of crime.

At one point, Peter and Michael are mistakenly led to believe that they are to deliver Mary to two men who arrive at their door asking for "the package". They discover moments before their departure that the men are drug dealers who were actually seeking a package of heroin. They retrieve the infant, leaving the men with a can of powdered milk. Dogs licking babies n shit.


What results is a major change to the men's lives as they try to adjust to surrogate fatherhood—balancing the demands of work and the rearing of a child. Soon their paternal instincts take hold, and they grow attached to the child. Eventually, when Jack returns, Peter and Michael do not hesitate in taking their revenge and passing all responsibility of looking after Mary to Jack, but Jack quickly grows to love his daughter, the Wendys Hot Chick.

The drug dealers, demanding payment, eventually ransack the men's apartment looking for their drugs and by ransack they throw a bitchin party with 2 Pac, Kid n Play, and half of the American Gladiators, excluding Malibu cause he's a bitch. The men formulate a plan to trap the dealers when they negotiate a deal to deliver the illicit goods. With a recording of the conversation, the men prove their innocence to the police and the dealers are arrested.


The three men then fully embrace their new role as Mary's guardians, however one day the baby's mother, an English woman named Sylvia (Nancy Travis), arrives, asking for Mary back intending to take her to England to live with her family. Handing her over, the three quickly find themselves miserable and desperately missing Mary. Deciding to stop Sylvia and Mary from leaving, they rush to the airport to try and persuade Sylvia to stay however they arrive just as her plane leaves. Defeated, the men return to their apartment, where they find both Sylvia and Mary. Jokes on them fuckers, now they have to deal with a bunch of women all being womany. Sylvia explains she doesn't want to give up her career but can't do this if she has to raise Mary alone, so Peter quickly invites her and Mary to move into their apartment with them with Jack and Michael's agreement kicking those shitbirds out on the streets to sling more rocks, and she agrees. And they all eat Spaghetti Baskets (UPDATED for DLC ENDING)

THE END.

I GIVE THIS GAME
13 Distorted Brett Zoodler Faces
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