As creative as an imagination as I've had for years, I always tend to say, I'm so gonna do this, but then I get side tracked and end up not doing something and then some jackass goes and does what I said I was gonna do before I ever get around to it. So let me be the first to throw out to the gaming community my ideas, please build on these so I can share the royalties with you.
6 Games that don't exist but should
6)
Old Man On The Porch: The Game
"When I grow old, I can't wait to sit on a porch all day long and yell at people walking by." I've said this for years, before Gran Torino, before being old was cool. It's basically how it sounds. You play as an elderly man that you create: who doesn't like making old people with pants up to their belly buttons? From there you set up a metal folding chair (more chairs unlocked as you progress), and yell at people as the day passes by, occasionally getting up to throw something at someone, tell someone how the old days were, drink a beer, get up to piss unless you just want to pee yourself cause peeing your pants is da coolest, and occasional nap time. I really don't know how to explain what game it would play like, I guess it could be a Kinect Title or Move title, hell it just sounds like a drunken rampage of fun times.
If Peeing your pants is cool, just call me Miles Davis
5)
Heads Up Seven Up/Red Rover Reloaded
This game was played in School for a teacher to have time to grade papers or just for filler cause they ran out of things to talk about in a subject. There was no lesson from Heads Up 7 Up, just trying to guess who tapped you on the back of the head. Now that I think about it, man I could have gotten lice from some of the kids hair I was touching. Anywho, most the time kids cheated cause we were all cheating little shits peaking at peoples shoes or faking a sneeze to get our heads up to see who was the one who thought they'd be sneaky enough to try to pull a fast one on us. I threw in Red Rover because some people have no clue what head up seven up is, so its a combo game. That's right, two effin games for your mind to go boom. The game would pretty much play like your Splinter Cells and Metal Gears, just sneak around tapping people who have their heads down on a desk in the head. But don't use too much force or you'll get suspended for busting Brian Andersons nose because he was a jerk anyways and no one liked him. Red Rover is how it sounds, run like a bastard and try to break through the line of arms, or run and do a flying clothesline or flying elbow to the nearest kids face to break through, except you get suspended because you're not suppose to be that aggressive. Then pick up Matt McDonaldson and give him a german suplex for being a stupid mark. True Story.
4)
Ragin Cajun: The sequel to Bayou Billy
Not much more to say, just buy it because its Bayou Billys Sequel. You will probably get frustrated, another gaming site will give it a "9.5" because they are morons, but we all know it's worthy of a 7.5 but we'll secretly in our hearts believe it to be the greatest thing to ever grace the face of the planet. So awesome that we'll miss the second coming of Christ because we'll be too busy trying to figure out just what the hell we're doing in this game.
this could happen....
3)
Couch Cushion Fort Building Championship Edition
I would play the holy shit outta this game. Seriously, Minecraft...pshhh you for babies. The real deal is Couch Fort Building. I don't need a pick axe, I got hands, hands that build fortresses of awesome. Now while some of you built your little fortresses outta pillows and blankets, you'd get to rest assured that after you were done, it was still looking good until you dismantled it...well not in Lucha's house. When my friends and I built our forts we had to stay up all night and defend it from my dad, who was a ruthless warlord throwing Encyclopedia Britannica's at our build/our faces and dumping a bucket of water on us. Yea, welcome to the Real World of Warcraft(I've never played it, but I'm sure its weak compared to getting a face full of history from a heavy book hitting you). So we'd set up trip lines and tin can alarms and prepared for the worst. That is until my little sister ran into one of our trip wires with her forehead and now has a scar from it, sorry sis. This element has to be part of the game, kind of like Clock Tower where you're just waiting for the attack.
2)
Kinect Burly Man/Lumber Jack Contest
Man have I always watched those on TV and gone, holy shit this is hardcore man stuff I really want to carve a can of PBR out of a 60 lb Log and then drink motor oil out of it. It takes a true man of man to compete in these outdoor Chest Hair fests, and what better way to become a man than to stand in front of your TV wielding an imaginary Axe as you chop through firetrucks and spit grizzly bear blood onto a spectating crowd. There could be Log chucking competitions, mud bog running, log river rolling, and an arm wrestling tough man contest straight outta Over The Top! They have all these work out games on Kinect that totally do not appeal to me because they are all weightloss games. Screw that I wanna be Cut. I want to be able to pick up the back of a semi truck and flip it on its tail end because I now go by Paul Bunyan.
Oh and because a certain Dtoider wants to Karaoke really bad, we're throwing in the After the Contest Drink Mead outta things you've carved and Karaoke Contest to finish the night of festivities. I think this game just gave me a hard on.
HOT DAMN MAN STUFF!!!
1)
Grave Diggers Monster Truck Sandbox Adventure
As a child I had this dream where I'd be sitting somewhere or being stuck doing some chore that I did not want to do, when all of the sudden the sound of a large engine revs and Grave Digger plows through the grocery store doing 360's crushing aisles 8-15, or Grave Digger driving through the high school gym slam dunking a basketball while on 1 tire. This is the game dreams are made of. An open world Sandbox of Destruction with a Monster Truck. It would be that game where you just can ramp over whatever or crush whatever (school buses included). I guess you could throw in a story line where you're trying to better society by bringing pure Muscle Power to society, but in the end you get the girl/guy you've been trying to impress with your awesome skills while playing a amazing keytar solo out the driver side window while fireworks shoot out the tailpipes. It doesn't have to be a giant $60 game. Just a few bucks on one of the Marketplaces. I just request that there's a bitchin rad southern rock music going on and a few Pepsi sponsor things hanging out on banners and ponys, lots of ponys.
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