Hi I'm Johnny Luchador, I'm a gamer. I have worked in the music industry, the radio industry, the engineering industry, and the wrestling industry. I represent Dtoid Western Kentucky Division 404. I like to make video games more entertaining. I also like riding ponies while eating bags of gummy bears. I am the Host of Super Fantastic Video Game Rad Show: Get There! on Destructoids Streaming Channel on Twitch TV. or Dtoid.tv. I also assist with various other Programs on the Streams. You can find me weekdays assisting with Mash Tactics or generally throwing randomness.
I plan on entertaining, or at least trying to entertain as much as I can until I forget to post, which happens when you're a busy person who is busy.
So basically I'm gonna try, until I need a day off and forget to post, and then someone is like man that guy was really cool, I think he died or something like the ultimate warrior, cause that's what happens when someone disappears, everyone assumes they're dead...or well at least I do. I swear that I thought Danny Glover died like 3 years ago. But when he sent me a message on twitter after I commented about him dying in a river rafting fruit collecting contest in Utah, I was like, "holy crap, he's not dead."
Hi, I'm Johnny Luchador, Host of the Super Fantastic Video Game Rad Show: Get THere!
I've been a caster on Dtoid.tv for like god, since the beginning. I was forged from the Mysterious Jon Carnages' gooch. Never the less, I've been casting for viewers for about 2.5 years bringing you guys the strangest if not craziest things I could come up with every Sunday at 6pm (Gods Time Zone Central) 4pm (Hippy Time Zone PST)
If you've never seen my show, well, sorry because you've missed all sorts of crazy, like psycho ex girlfriend getting a tattoo of the grimace on her inner thigh because you had that one moment in the McDonalds Play Place.
I made it a point to go above and beyond with content every show. I even brought in my best friend Jason so the show could be even awesomer. Anywho, I would love to be your King of the Stream or Winner of the 2013 Streamer Royal Rumble. Honestly I've been reading Dtoid since year 1 and I've never won a contest. So I figured, what the hell, might as well showcase what you beautiful bastards have been missing. So here are some Highlights, over the past 2.5 years and also a full episode of SFVGRS:GET THERE with Jumpin Jason and myself playing Harry Potter on Kinect.
Horse Stacking Championships in Red Dead
We Found Manny Mouse. He needed Friends
So this is what Doors are used for.
This is why you don't let me play Wrestling Games.
This is why you don't let me play any game.
My First act of pure insanity on our very first series: Also Talks. Macbook Pro goes Kaboom with a Pick Axe.
The Very First Rad Show Get There, the start of the Destruction of video games.
We get Festive on Holidays.
Sometimes we don't even play games, we read books.
Two Best Friends, breaking games like normal
So I hope I have enlightened you guys, and I hope you appreciate what I do for dtoid.tv
Thank you beautiful bastards for being a great audience, and I hope to see new faces around dtoid.tv
Did I win the capture device?
Update you shitbirds: MORE VIDEOS!!!
Europe loves George Michaels
We make popcorn for Jamals Kids for Christmas
How to start your Cast
Oregon Trail with LT3
Batman Works at Starbucks
Mama Moses abandons her baby for French Bread
Update Update: Even more Videos you Silly Bastards!
Slenderman and George Michaels, the perfect mix.
Ever see a 11'11 guy play Basketball? Well on rad show you do. JJ Justice makes it to the NBA DRAFT!
Mexico Drift son, learned from Vin Diesel n shit
if you ask me to fill in for you, you might just get this for 2 hours.
I got my hands on a copy of GTA V from my friend of a friend of a friends dad who works at Rockstar.
So as your favorite Luchador, I decided to review it for you guys.
This game follows the mishaps and adventures of three bachelors as they attempt to adapt their lives to pseudo-fatherhood with the arrival of one of the men's love child.
Architect Peter Mitchell (Tom Selleck) Sexy
cartoonist Michael Kellam (Steve Guttenberg)Sexy Sexy
and actor Jack Holden (Ted Danson) Sexy Sexy Sexy
are happy living their lives as bachelors in their lofty New York City apartment. Their lives are disrupted when a baby arrives on their doorstep one day.
the Baby looks like this
A note with the child, Mary, indicates that it is Jack's or Michaels, or maybe Peter's I dont know, the result of an affair with a recent co-star. The baby arrives in Jack's absence – he is in Turkey shooting a B movie, I think it was that one episode of Friends actually, leaving Peter and Michael to fend for themselves in taking care of the child, something in which their lack of experience befuddles them. They meet up with Tyler Perry.
who teaches them a life of crime.
At one point, Peter and Michael are mistakenly led to believe that they are to deliver Mary to two men who arrive at their door asking for "the package". They discover moments before their departure that the men are drug dealers who were actually seeking a package of heroin. They retrieve the infant, leaving the men with a can of powdered milk. Dogs licking babies n shit.
What results is a major change to the men's lives as they try to adjust to surrogate fatherhood—balancing the demands of work and the rearing of a child. Soon their paternal instincts take hold, and they grow attached to the child. Eventually, when Jack returns, Peter and Michael do not hesitate in taking their revenge and passing all responsibility of looking after Mary to Jack, but Jack quickly grows to love his daughter, the Wendys Hot Chick.
The drug dealers, demanding payment, eventually ransack the men's apartment looking for their drugs and by ransack they throw a bitchin party with 2 Pac, Kid n Play, and half of the American Gladiators, excluding Malibu cause he's a bitch. The men formulate a plan to trap the dealers when they negotiate a deal to deliver the illicit goods. With a recording of the conversation, the men prove their innocence to the police and the dealers are arrested.
The three men then fully embrace their new role as Mary's guardians, however one day the baby's mother, an English woman named Sylvia (Nancy Travis), arrives, asking for Mary back intending to take her to England to live with her family. Handing her over, the three quickly find themselves miserable and desperately missing Mary. Deciding to stop Sylvia and Mary from leaving, they rush to the airport to try and persuade Sylvia to stay however they arrive just as her plane leaves. Defeated, the men return to their apartment, where they find both Sylvia and Mary. Jokes on them fuckers, now they have to deal with a bunch of women all being womany. Sylvia explains she doesn't want to give up her career but can't do this if she has to raise Mary alone, so Peter quickly invites her and Mary to move into their apartment with them with Jack and Michael's agreement kicking those shitbirds out on the streets to sling more rocks, and she agrees. And they all eat Spaghetti Baskets (UPDATED for DLC ENDING)
He was all like," y0 lucha,when you gonna do another review?" and I was like, "shit son, I've been busy twerkin dem mean streets of East Compton KY, but shit since you're so badly wanting a review, you get one"
This game isn't even finished, but Fuck yeah its radical as hell. I don't even care. You run around all combat, diving to the ground rolling around like it's nobodies business. I've never played Arma Uno, or Arma Twice. I was like shit here's 33 bucks for Arma III because Uncle Sam gave me money for being so extreme dollar bills shot out his ass and I grabbed them like the money machine at Shoe Carnival.
You can drive things
You can shoot things
you can drive on basketball courts
you can ramp over things
You can even Scuba dive and explore the wonderful world of Russian Oceans or maybe it's the Ohio River. Either way, I had fun adventuring in the water shooting fish.
I even MADE FRIENDS
This Silly Bear found me a Helicopter
Things got HAIRY up in the sky
But the adventure didn't end here.
actually, it did.
Anyways, This game is pretty magical. I ramped over cliffs, scuba dived, killed terrorist, listened to people on mic shout bravo alpha 30 clicks, and things like, "fuckin Johnny Luchador is driving the 4 wheelers into the ocean" and other great lines like, "someone kill that Johnny Luchador guy, he just took the chopper full of our squad and flew it head first into a group of enemies"
The graphics are top notch.
The sound is loud, and their's alot of military dramatic music that sounds like a Denzel Washington movie.
The gameplay is complicated because it's so real with a million damn buttons to do different things.
I give this game
11.7 shirtless Men in a mountain area holding a sword and +45 Mana Points for the bitchin Mustache
Hey Peeps, Johnny Luchador of Dtoid.tv here. So I had the opportunity to head to WWE Smackdown in Evansville on Syfy.
To live up to the previous invasion by community member Suff0cat back in 2008, I made it a goal that at one point during my many visits to WWE events, I would represent Destructoid. So, dressed in Destructador/Luchatoid gear from head to toe, I ventured with my best buds to WWE Smackdown with ringside/announcer side seats. Now, being a streamer on Dtoid.tv of the Super Fantastic Video Game Rad Show: Get There, I decided to make a Hey Dtoid Niero sign to flash as much as possible because hell, why make a Destructoid sign when I basically embodied our robot overlord every time they panned a camera. Here's an awesome video of it I just made.Yeah the Youtube link.
Before the show, no, I am not at a strip club with a Referee in the background.
Here's some pictures from the Superstars Taping
A Wild Lucha appears! Totally an effin 2 Count.
This punk don't know the power of Luchamania.
The First spotting of the Niero sign.
Yes, we are the official fan club of WWE Ref John Cone
Daniel Bryan is a Vegan, Brushing with CREST! CREST! CREST! keeps that smile perfect.
Keep on Brushin Dem Teef
Zackkriderrswooo woo wooos
I think this is Justin TV guy.
Happy Birthday Ref Charles Robinson
MUSCLE CAKE. It's the RAd Show: Get There Mascot. The sign says "I'm Here for Muscle Cake Dtoid.TV"
more MUSCLE from wwe,com
Dtoid Niero sign during the main event.
Booker T's Yard Sale ----> was a total success, King Booker, loved the sign and kept laughing at my ability to be a total assclown.
So yeah, if you watched, you most likely saw me a blue million times. If you missed it, you can check it out on wwe dot com or just get on your cable dvr box and watch it on demand or that youtubes. ooo weee.
So you may be wondering, just where the hell has Johnny Luchador been? Where have the posts vanished off to? Well I've been busy being a Grown Ass Man, busy Streaming on the Destructoid Twitch channel, and well, wrestling small mammals. Anywho, I figured the best way to return to the world of internet literature is to give you guys a Lucha review. Let's just start this post out with the following.
I totally just had sexual relations with a woman with no legs.
I totally just had sexual relations with a woman with no arms.
I totally just had sexual relations with a woman who was blind.
I didn't have sex with a burn victim, thats actually a lie
and I had sex with a mute.
Now you may be asking, "what in the holy hotdog hell are you babbling about?!"
That's right folks, I just got finished playing...er clicking through Katawa Shoujo. Now you're saying, "is that the game where you try to date/sex Handi-capped Animes?" Which my response is, "unfortunately, yes it is. I had no clue what this game even was and was told it was actually the sequel to Demolition Man with Wesley Snipes."
To my dismay, Wesley Snipes is not in this game, nor is Hans Gruber, Simon Gruber, Randy Savage, Mr Belvedere, or Jackie Chan. But Harry Potter is in this game.
So what would possess a man to download this Free game about hooking up with women with disabilities? The answer is simple and in two parts. The first reason is because it's free and who couldn't pass up a free game. The second is, well, I honestly don't know how to say it in a way without pissing off someone so I'll just review it and you make your own damn decisions.
From what I understand, you're this dude named Jamal Jeffries. You somehow have a heart attack under a tree because you're a ding dong who probably eats fast food for every meal. The next thing you know you're in this school/hospital thing run by none other than Dr Gregory House. I guess because you have heart problems or you're actually the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz. So things pan into a classroom where you meet, Anime 1 and Anime 2. They talk alot, you click alot, and then you begin to wonder, "this game would be so much cooler with less talking and more people getting scissor kicked while an animated version of Carl Weathers arm wrestles anime bears or squids."
After clicking about 15 minutes straight, I get knocked down by some chick in the hall. To my amazement...the girl...was no other than Lieutenant Dan's daughter. We'll call her Sprinkles the Kid. Anywho, yadda yadda, next thing I know, she is best friends with Girl with No Arms....Then I stopped. I wondered to myself what it would be like if this was a sitcom because it would be the number 1 watched show on TV. More clicking...then you're at a track meet. Sprinkles the Kid is there.
She Literally Runs Track Meet with the Flippy Floppy Leggy Things.
She beats Ghost Rider in a race, and you end up telling her how Radical she is.
Things get hot and heavy, and now I'm having intercourse with a legless Sprinkles the Kid in a woodshed.
Mentally disturbed, I decided to backtrack I didn't understand how or what in Gods name just occurred.
Luckily, there's a Save feature where you can save the "choose your own adventure" directives.
So we go back in time without Marty and Doc, and I start frantically clicking again. Now, my goal here is figure out how to prevent "hooking" up with Animes, and instead finish my schooling to become Ruler of the Moon. The Hardy Boys and Nacy Drew will never solve the mystery of Old Man McGreggor and the Abandoned Coal Mine.
So to let you waste some thinking about the complexity of it all, here is a picture of more stumps and not the Zombie.
I stumbled on some more, but...I clicked the wrong things...and I ended up with the Dark Knight with no Arms.
The Story goes on, and on, and on. I maybe read 4 words. I learned that
YOU SLEEP ALOT. LIKE YOU'RE A NARCOLEPTIC INSOMNIAC.
Did I mention there's a girl with no arms?
I could go on more explaining the horrors of this abomination, but here in the South,
I can only describe my experience with this game like so.
I'm too old for this shit.
*note Katawa Shoujo translates roughly to Mexican Tortilla Soldier.