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Two Worlds is Too Shit
Jim Sterling \| 9:24 AM on 10.16.2007	43 comments

Okay, my free rental copy of Two Worlds finally arrived today (fucking postal strikes) and I gave it a whirl. At the most, I was hoping it wasn't as bad as people said it was. At the least, I was hoping for one of those "so crap it's awesome" type of deals where I could at least enjoy that it was a pile of shit.

No.

Believe what you hear about Two Worlds -- it is practically unplayable. When you're not getting raped by boars, you're dealing with one of the shittest maps I've ever seen, an unclear objective and framerate that really is awful as has been claimed.

It's badly designed too. You can't read all the attributes of a certain weapon because a big "HIT BACK FOR HELP" message obscures it. I mean ... what the FUCK? Then there's the voice acting, and yes, they really do say forsooth.

Yeah, it's as bad as everyone says it is. No hyperbole ... it's fucking wretched, and I only managed ten minutes with it.

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38 comments | showing # 1 to 38

Pantheon

I was hoping this game would be good.
Thanks to the many reviews saying it's horseshit I wont have to burden myself with trying it.

lol, forsooth.

Justin Villasenor

When everyone I knew said that the game was utter trash it seemed a safe bet to stay away from it.

And is it true that your character randomly yells out "Bandits?!" as often as I've heard? Even when what you're fighting most assuredly aren't bandits.

Snaileb

I saw more people playing this than Blue Dragon.

SHAME ON YOU!

Neonie

We'll. At least the suckeyness didn't come as a COMPLETE suprise.

PacoDG

I know one person who has actually played it, so I threw it in my gamefly queue, I should be getting it sometime this week, I keep now reading bad things all over.

Jim Sterling

Neonie: It did . No amount of warning can prepare you.

CronosBlade

I'm trying to get a copy as well. Maybe we should co-op this horseshit for shits and giggles.

BigPopaGamer

Jim, I'm sorry. Now, before you break down totally, go to the pub, have a pint, and go play some Dynasty Warriors to help flush the shittiness out of your system.

atheistium

i knew a while back.
welcome to the present, jim D:<

VWGTI

Above picture discribes the reaction my friend had after he realized what he bought.

comradetrotskii

I actually played all the way through this wretched pile of shit. No seriously, I couldn't help myself. I wanted it to be good. Eventually I got pissed off and slaughtered every NPC I could find with my overpowered Katana (weapon stacking totally breaks any challenge the game may have provided) I can only assume this wanton rampage caused some sort of massive glitch in the game because the remaining NPCs came to be represented as a collection of black cubes. Which was actually pretty cool.

Butmac

Jim, you dont even know how grateful I am for you

whiteboy0869

The Monocle has spoken. No one shall buy this terrible afront to gaming ever again, lest they suffer his wrath.

The Monocle has spoken

Maurice Tan

Capture the final boss with FRAPS and submit it as your 1 minute of Hell. I mean, who would actually get to that point eh?

JACK of No Trades

Its not that bad.

Kageroth

I played the PC version, it was funny for all of 5 minutes.
Then I uninstalled it, for an "Elderscrolls" clone/copy its possibly the worst thing ever made, can't remember even 1 thing I would consider they did right.

Commodore624

OMG that was the best pic ever VWGTI made my whole collage class lol

aborto thefetus

Some kid me and my brother hang out with( we call him Bennedy, sinse his full name is Ben Kennedy) actually bought this game and liked it. We have since abandoned him. First it was Tenchu Z and then this game, he has terrible fucking taste in games.

king3vbo

The PC version was even worse

weedgan

You see when somebody put out a game like oblivion, you don't try to be better than it. Elder scrolls, RULES action RPGs.

whiteboy0869

Fuck Elder Scrolls, who needs that shit?

Clockwork

I thought so. But its so fucking weird, some people love Two Worlds, which doesn't make any fucking sense how so many people can call it unplayable and others can call it awesome.

Topher Cantler

I watched Nick play this for ten minutes and I had to leave the room.

AgentMOO

Two Worlds:

BahamutZero

commodore624 is either taking a class in gluing stuff to paper, or he's fucked because he's in college and he doesn't know how to spell it

BahamutZero

p_0

BS3 Owner

Maybe the Port to PS3 would.... Nope it SUX!

Velt

Dont panic, simply lie down and die.

Commodore624

well three things im dyslexic, retarded, and im taking it while in high school

tehuberone

Me, 3vbo and Lark had some "fun" hands on with the pc version at pax. the game is worse than Yaris.

Yashoki

Better on PC, but still pretty bad.

Eschatos

Forsoothity-sooth-sooth.

Danger Shark

You think you're upset Sterling, I payed actual money for that shit. Actual fucking money, and now that game will forever be linked to my Gamertag.

assesoffire

I kinda liked it...
I could easily get past the framerate and stuff. Although I did fuck all but kill bandits and wolves.

Also, mayhap.

Bob Muir

For shame, Jim. For all you know, the game could have been as good as afternoon tea after the first 10 minutes.

Joseph Leray

Yeah, I played this at PAX. I should've warned you, Jim. I let you down.

Velt

You think that game is shit? I played Portal... they promised me CAKE!! And now im running with a portal gun throught the corridors and still i dont get any cake!!

Sharpless

Jim, maybe you just don't understand the game's controls. Let me send you a guidebook...

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