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Jim Sterling, the ultimate troll (NVGR, OMG, IRA, NRA, LOL)
Jim Sterling | 5:23 AM on 05.18.2008 65 comments


I have discovered that I am the ultimate troll.

Last night, a bunch of idiot kids decided to keep phoning the office to prank call us, giving us such delightful and well-thought out witticisms as "you're a nigger," "You're all sluts" and "I'm going to stab you." Well, while my colleagues kept having to hang up on them, I can now claim to be so annoying, that prank callers hang up on me.

Taking charge of the conversation, after I noted I was impressed they took the cock out of their mouths long enough to keep calling and applauded their ability to say a word with three syllables in it, I asked what they thought of the American recession and then refused to talk to them about anything other than the Democratic presidential candidates, forcing them to choose between Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama. Eventually they chose Hilary and when I asked why they liked her policies all they could struggle to say was "It is nice."

As I continued talking about American politics they eventually lost their temper and started demanding I shut up so they could call me gay, and got so angry they hung up. I am quite proud of myself.

Of course, as luck would have it, they got through to me a second time so I said "I'm afraid you're through to me, the one you had to hang up on. So, let's kick off where we left off -- 70's prog rock, who's your favorite?" I can confirm I have never said "What's your favorite Jethro Tull album?" so many times and in such quick succession to any other stranger on the phone.

They hung up again.

I am the anti-prankster. Bow before me.



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58 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

wardrox's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 05:35
wardrox
In Soviet Russia, prank calls you.

Jim, you are a true pro. (and a troll and you have wrong opinions etc.)
The GHost's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:02
The GHost
"Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one"

C HOW I USED NEECHEE TO POINT OUT THAT YOU ARE A TROLL LIKE YOU SAID YOU ARE.

LOL PHILOSOPHY!

Well played sir, well played. The prog rock was an especially nice touch :D
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:21
Jonathan Holmes
Nice work, Jim.

In Junior High I fought of some bored, wanna-be Nazi with hugs and the Hammer dance. The couldn't attack what they could understand.

I had big hair back then.
manta's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:31
manta
WE ARE NOT WORTHY
Tamz's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:35
Tamz
Come to me son of Jor-El, Kneel before Jim!
Chibi_Zero's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:37
Chibi_Zero
This is is one of the many reasons I love Jim Sterling.
Detry's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:52
Detry
Funny as hell.

I've a bit of experience from the other end, call up the lesser internets and the person who wrote the shite ends up a stammering idiot who hangs up.
Aaron Mxy Yost's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 06:58
Aaron Mxy Yost
Do you still remember December's foggy freeze? When the ice that clings to your beard is screaming agony?
Nordstorm's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 07:18
Nordstorm
I bow before you. And I bow before you again...
Also, Jethro Tull!
mistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 07:23
mistic
nicely done! :-)

Jim FTW :-)
Maurice Tan's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 07:33
Maurice Tan
Jim is my hero! Touch my summa spot.
Brad Rice's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 07:38
Brad Rice
Nice job, Jim. You should try violence in videogames or games as art on them sometime.
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 07:38
Neonie
nice
Hollie Bennett's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 07:47
Hollie Bennett
Jim this has made my day, thank you.
Vlambo's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 08:22
Vlambo
It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Jim Sterling, the ANTI-PRANKSTER!
Y0j1mb0's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 08:25
Y0j1mb0
Impressive.
Matthew Blake's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 08:51
Matthew Blake
I am the terror that flaps in the night,
I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares,
I am JIM STERLING!

...He'll get dangerous. Watch out!
kepler's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 08:51
kepler
Nicely done Jim. I approve of such style.
MagicAQ's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 08:57
MagicAQ
i tip my hat to you sir!

i had a similar incident only ended up in me forming a posse and actually threatening to lynch the kids... i got together with some friends and i ended up getting calls back from kids crying. All we did was hang around and have a few drinks.... just the thought of a posse after them..... scary.

but you sir, a one man army!
Droll's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:07
Droll
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
McSnow's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:07
McSnow
Congratulations Jim, you win the innernets!
Batthink's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:10
Batthink
"...70's prog rock, who's your favorite?"

WIN! ;OD
Too Much Coffee Man's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:21
Too Much Coffee Man
Aqualung ftw!
Colette Bennett's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:22
Colette Bennett
I love you, Jim.
Dynamic Sheep's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:35
Dynamic Sheep
"Racism in the United States has been a major issue in America since the colonial era. Historically, the country has been dominated by a settler society of religiously and ethnically diverse whites. Major racially structured institutions include slavery, settlement, Indian reservations, segregation, residential schools (for American Indians), and internment camps. Racial stratification has occurred in employment, housing, education and government. Racial discrimination was largely criminalized in the mid-20th century, and it became socially unacceptable or morally repugnant as well, but major inequalities still persist and racial politics remain a major phenomena.

The heaviest burdens of racism in the country have fallen upon Native Americans, Asian Americans, African Americans, Latin Americans and some other immigrant groups and their descendants. Racist attitudes, or prejudice, are still held by moderate portions of the U.S population. Members of every American ethnic group have perceived racism in their dealings with other groups."

Contemporary issues

Black-White segregation is declining fairly consistently for most metropolitan areas and cities. Despite these pervasive patterns, many changes for individual areas are small. Thirty years after the civil rights era, the United States remains a residentially segregated society in which Blacks and Whites inhabit different neighborhoods of vastly different quality.

Some researchers suggest that racial segregation may lead to disparities in health and mortality. Thomas LaVeis (1989; 1993) tested the hypothesis that segregation would aid in explaining race differences in infant mortality rates across cities. Analyzing 176 large and midsized cities, LaVeist found support for the hypothesis. Since LaVeist's studies, segregation has received increased attention as a determinant of race disparities in mortality. Studies have shown that mortality rates for male and female African Americans are lower in areas with lower levels of residential segregation. Mortality for male and female Whites was not associated in either direction with residential segregation.

Researchers Sharon A. Jackson, Roger T. Anderson, Norman J. Johnson and Paul D. Sorlie found that, after adjustment for family income, mortality risk increased with increasing minority residential segregation among Blacks aged 25 to 44 years and non-Blacks aged 45 to 64 years. In most age/race/gender groups, the highest and lowest mortality risks occurred in the highest and lowest categories of residential segregation, respectively. These results suggest that minority residential segregation may influence mortality risk and underscore the traditional emphasis on the social underpinnings of disease and death. Rates of heart disease among African Americans are associated with the segregation patterns in the neighborhoods where they live (Fang et al. 1998). Stephanie A. Bond Huie writes that neighborhoods affect health and mortality outcomes primarily in an indirect fashion through environmental factors such as smoking, diet, exercise, stress, and access to health insurance and medical providers. Moreover, segregation strongly influences premature mortality in the US.

Just tell them that^ the next time they call.
aborto thefetus's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:35
aborto thefetus
@Yojimbo

JIMPRESSIVE

/fixed
MATTFOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:41
MATTFOO
sour skittles.
Cowzilla3's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 09:56
Cowzilla3
Well played.
GuitarAtomik's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 10:34
GuitarAtomik
GOLD.

lol @ Wardrox too.
Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 10:36
Cheeburga
THEY SEE ME TROLLIN'
DrNutt's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 10:44
DrNutt
Jim Sterling is my anti-prank.
niacin's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 11:04
niacin
Now that is class but Jim what is your favourite Jethro Tull album?
angusm's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 11:12
angusm
Solidly impressed.
brosef's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 11:15
brosef
Ahahahaha, Jethro Tull, ahahahaha
Wexx's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 11:15
Wexx
Amazing.
Yashoki's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 11:27
Yashoki
1) See jim Blog

2) Open mouth; ready for disk insertion

3) ????

4) Profit!!

I hate prank calls unless they're to gamestop :P
Spartacus's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 12:11
Spartacus
*kisses Jim's robe*
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 12:12
king3vbo
Jethro Tull... lulz
Brian Szabelski's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 12:13
Brian Szabelski
I tell telemarketers all the time they've called 911.

They hang up oh so quickly.
Origin488's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 12:22
Origin488
thick as a brick.
FinalFist's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 12:59
FinalFist
are we done blowing Jim yet, eh?
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 13:51
Sharpless
He hears the silence howling
Catches angels as they fall
And the all-time winner
Has got him by the balls
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 14:10
vexed alex
FinfalFist

No.

*continues blowing*
Surf314's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 14:38
Surf314
That is very funny.

Also fuck you Jim Stirling, I will tell you a tale of such utter personal stupidity that you will have no choice but to laugh at me. I spent no less than 30 minutes in a book store today trying to find a book by that author Jim Stirling because he co-authored a book with one of my favorite authors Bill Gibson. And I heard he was another founder of cyber-punk.

After this time was up I realized that Jim Stirling was in fact none other than yours truly and was probably pushing kids down and playgrounds when cyber-punk was being dreamed up. So screw you for taking advantage of my inferior memory to insert yourself like so many lolcats and banana-phones.

Also it is another stirling, but I couldn't figure out who so I gave up and went home =(
DaedHead8's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 15:01
DaedHead8
lmao

+1,000,000 (thats over 9000!)
MatCD's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 17:28
MatCD
I would love to listen to that conversation.
F Whipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 18:42
F Whipple
You are my new hero
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 19:37
Samit Sarkar
Awesome.

Sitting on the park bench
Eyeing little girls with bad intent
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/18/2008 22:23
MechaMonkey
Phone trolling is so 20th century. Gotta do it by text message now. OR go retro trolling, and use Morse code.
Bob Muir's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/19/2008 02:22
Bob Muir
I fucking love this.
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