Jim Heine's Profile - Destructoid

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Name: Noah "Motherfuckers can't touch his style" Rodriguez
Game: Bringing the ruckus
D.O.B: August 6th, 1991.
Hometown: Bridgeport, Connecticut
Ladies: I am indeed single ;D

Height: The Tallest Boy in the World
Weight: Like, a lot.
Hair: lighter than leather
Eyes: Black as the void
I'd be really happy: If anyone were to catch that ESIV: Oblivion reference.

Food: Is delicious. I like Steak and anything with cheese the best.
Beef Jerky: Is the manliest snack in the world.
Beverage: I am quite partial to the bubbled sugar waters, a.k.a. Soda Pop. My current poisons: Pepsi, Mountain Dew (Regular, Voltage, Baja Blast, Code Red), Diet Coke, Cream Soda.
Candy: Yes, please.

Music: Metal and Hip-hop, and everything in between.
David Bowie: is the fucking man.
Greatest Band Ever: Mastodon
Best Rapper Alive: MF DOOM
My Guitar: Her name is Lorelei.

Sports: Football. American Football.
Team: New England Patriots.
Hockey: Sucks

Superhero: Batman, who can whip Superman anyday.
Supervillain: Skeletor from He-Man.
Superpower: The Power Cosmic, because why just settle for one?
Transforming Robot: Voltron. Michael Bay ruined Transformers for me.
Super Crew: The Avengers, because when you think about it, The JLA is nothing more than a Bureaucracy for Superheros. That's Lame.

Gaming: is life.
Genres: Platformers, Action/Adventure, First and Third Person Shooters, Music & Rhythm, Fighters & Beat'em Ups, Shmups, Puzzlers.
Currently Playing: Spider-Man: Edge of Time, Captain America: Super Soldier
Systems: Xbox 360 (They call it that cause when you see it you'll turn 360 degrees and walk away DURR HURR HURR IT'S SO FUNNY IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE!), PSDouble, DS. Collection is growing, don't you worry.
Psychonauts: is overrated, and you made it that way by not shutting the fuck up about it.

Picture of Me?: Thought you would never ask.
Following (19)  

Have you ever seen a trailer or a poster for a movie and thought to yourself, "Man, this looks like something they'd parody on SNL or something"? Then, you don't know SHIT. The FP is the king of those movies.The movie seems to take place "In a dystopian future" where "Two rival gangs feud for control of rural wasteland Frazier Park ('The FP')". Naturally, the weapon of choise for these post-apocalyptic skirmishes is "Beat-Beat Revelation", an obvious and hilariously-named embellishment of Dance Dance Revolution, which I'm pretty positive hasn't been popular since at least the advent of the Wii.

Featuring some pretty abysmal production values, ridiculous haircuts and costumes (including some wildly unweildly looking boots that look like they make DDR harder to play), and a mostly cookie-cutter movie plot regarding honor and redemption on tha mean streets of Dystopian Middle-America, The FP looks like the worst idea to ever manage to secure funding since Ted Bundy Teaches Typing For Kids. However, I have to admit that this movie has enough promising so-bad-it's-terrible-but-accidentally-funny factor and quotable lines like "Yo, Clam Chowder!", "Get yo Stale Up Off My Flavor!" and my personal favorite, "I Challenge You To A Beat-Off!" The FP will probably remain relevant and popular among internet circles long after people have forgotten what Dance Dance Revolution was in the first place.

The FP is coming to select theatres on March 16th, 2012, but you can watch the trailer here.

Jim Heine
11:28 PM on 01.28.2011

Folks, we're already almost one month into the new year, and already I can smell a complete turnaround. Many of you probably didn't have a good year in 2010, and I can tell you that neither did I. I lost a job, quit a different job, dropped out of College, and had a friendship that meant a great deal to me end painfully. Through this morass of misery and depression, I was far too wrapped up in the failures of my crumbling social life to take any solace in any of the things that actually bring me joy, like video games, books or music. Suffice to say, I can't think of many things I liked about 2010.

Now, I'm not one to put much stock in the whole "New Year, Clean Slate" philosophy that comes with the whole making resolutions thing but I figured if there was one thing I could resolve to do, is to not have as shit a fucking year as I had in 2010. So I made my resolution as small and as manageable as possible: read more books, watch more movies, play more games and listen to more new music than I have in years past. Surprisingly, the experience has opened me up to more than just books, music and movies.

The month of January alone has hatched upon me such a plethora of treasure that you might excuse me in declaring 2011 the greatest year in Human evolution to date. The amount of great stuff I've discovered this month has me frothing in anticipation of what's to come in the following 11 months, But until then, I've got these nuggets to tide me over:

My Little Pony toys at McDonalds!

If you have yet to see Lauren Faust's (of Powerpuff Girls and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends fame) colorful, hilarious take on the My Little Pony universe, you should definitely check your skepticism at the door and do so. It is without a doubt one of the best cartoons to debut last year, and this year to celebrate McDonalds has included limited edition My Little Pony toys in all their happy meals, featuring all your favorite ponies whose names I'm not at all embarrassed to know: Cherilee, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Celestia, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle are here to brighten up your day and make your Happy Meal truly happy!

Gail Carriger's Parasol Protectorate!

Soulless is the first novel in Gail Carriger's awesome Parasol Protectorate series, which combines the genres of Steampunk/Alternate History, Supernatural Fantasy, and Victorian Era Romance. Sound too good to be true? It's the really dealie. Let's read the blurb on the back of the book to find out more:

Alexia Tarabotti is laboring under a great many social tribulations. First, she has no soul. Second, she's a spinster whose father is both Italian and dead. Third, she was rudely attacked by a vampire, breaking all standards of social etiquette. Where to go form there? For bad to worse apparently, for Alexia accidentally kills the vampire--and then the appalling Lord Maccon (loud, messy, gorgeous, and werewolf) is sent by Queen Victoria to investigate. With unexpected vampires appearing and expected vampires disappearing, everyone seems to believe Alexia is responsible. Can she figure out what is actually happening to London's high society? WIll her soulless ability to negate supernatural powers prove useful or just plain embarrassing? Finally, who is the real enemy, and do they have treacle tart?

Sound like something you might be interested in? Make sure you get caught up before the next book in the series, Heartless, releases later this year.

The Bulletstorm demo!

The Bulletstorm demo is short that it's almost frustrating in a sexual sense.It literally packs only so much action in five-or-so minutes of gameplay that it doesn't leave you wanting more so much as it leaves you desperate for it. But still, I enjoyed our brief time together. The game is frantic, fun, funny and colorful (to put it lightly) and I can't wait to get my hands on the full version. You've hooked me, Bulletstorm, now reel me in.

Lego Minifigures!

Special Edition, collectible, and totally awesome, I am addicted to these little guys and I am not afraid to admit it. Lego Minifigures were exclusive to Japan for a time as gatchapon toys but made their debut in the states last year just in time for Christmas and series 3 is out now, which I have been all about. I'm on a fevered quest to collect series 3 in its entirety and so far I have the Fisherman, the Racecar Driver and The Baseball player. Over notables include a Zombie, a masked wrestler (both series 1), a mime (series 2) and a guy in a gorilla suit (series 3).

2011 Music!

Tuesday has become my favorite day, and that is because Tuesday is new music day! The month of January has seen a slew of great new releases and I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you:

Following the sprawling musical epic that was The Hazards of Love, The Decemberists retreated to rural Oregon to record The King is Dead, a more subdued, down-home Americana-inspired album. A fantastic, fascinating record that showcases Decemberists' Frontman Colin Meloy at the height of his song-writing powers. If there is any resemblance to R.E.M. on this record, know that it is purely intentional, as The Decemberists invited R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck to record a few tracks with them

Here's an album that I bought simply because all the media outlets told me to, and I was not led astray. Kiss Each Other Clean is by far the best Iron and Wine record I've ever heard, and everything from Sam Beam's impressive vocals and fierce biblical imagery coupled with amazing instrumentation on tracks like Rabbit Will Run tell me this album is going to be huge in 2011.

It might surprise you to know that many of the people who form The Aquabats--everyone's favorite Crime-fighting rock band!--also had a hand in creating Yo Gabba Gabba. It might become more apparent after listening to Hi-Five Soup!, the groups most kid-friendly album to date. Not that I'm complaining, because this album is more rock-tastic fun than any album with "adult" sensibilities could ever hope to be. This is pop rock music as it should be: fun, accessible, sincere and unafraid to embrace its goofy side.

I almost hesitate to include this album, since it's been available in Europe since November of last year, but it only hit stateside in January so it counts, dammit! If you've a hankering for the halcyon days of Ozzy Osbourne-helmed Black Sabbath, Electric Wizard hears your pleas and offers you Black Masses, Doom metal at its buzziest and blackest. So much pot was smoked during the recording of this record that listening to it might give you a contact high and cause you to start hallucinating bats. This is the way metal should be.

So I hope you find something you liked, because I know I did, and I know now to keep looking.
Photo Photo Photo

It's real. It's so fucking real.

Special thanks: 4chan.org/v/, Games.net & Gametrailers.com

There is nothing more pathetically egotistical than wishing yourself a happy birthday in a public forum (or getting your name tattooed on yourself, but I won't get into that), so instead, I will wish everyone who was born on this day, August 6th, a very happy birthday. If you can, be like me and take some time to morbidly obsess over the fact that this day is also the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. Now then, I have a few things I'd like to mumble incoherently about:

- If today is indeed your birthday, perhaps you can delight us by recanting tales of the fabulous treasures that have been bestowed upon you on this, The feast of your birth. For my 18th summer, and my passage into legal adulthood as recognized by the United States Government, I have received a 32 inch LCD Panasonic HDTV with 720p and iPod compatibility, courtesy of my cousin Erik (I don't know if you'll be reading this, Erik, but you have enriched my gaming experience in ways that I only dreamed of while drooling over the Best Buy catalog, and for that I thank you). I promise to post pictures of it (and the rest of my room, which has some trinkets that some of you may find interesting) soon.

- HD gaming is so fucking sexy, you guys. IT IS SO FUCKING SEXY, YOU GUYS. Where have I been these past few years? What the hell have I been missing? I can't believe how amazing this is. This is the best thing ever. I can't wait to play Brutal Legend on this fucking thing. I love this new t.v.

- If you are De bloo, please be aware that I haven't sent you your shirt yet. This is why you have yet to clothe your body in glorious garb depicting the Holy visage of Little Mac. Sorry, brah; my bee. I promise to ship it before year's wane (and should I break my vow, I'll buy you any game you want and send it too you with your shirt).

- If you haven't already, you should go check out Penny Arcade's Automata,a futuristic take on the Prohibition Era. It's a masterpiece, and I hope to see more of it in the future.

- Long time readers of my c-blog (who are as rare as they are imaginary) will know that a while ago I wrote of my intentions to get a tattoo to commemorate the Bombing of Hiroshima (you'll also note that I mentioned Hiroshima and tattoos when opening this blog. Keep in there, it's been a long road and the pay-off's coming). Many of you panned this idea, claiming that it would offend the Japanese population as the major detraction for getting such a tattoo done. This has only steeled my resolve in the matter, and I contacted a tattoo artist and told him about my idea. He did a quick sketch and now I am strongly considering going with his idea. I'd like to once again open the flood gates and gauge your opinion on this new design.

That's about it for now. I still have my new t.v. and I'm dying to see how Fight Night Round 4 looks on this puppy. Have a great day, and Have a Happy Birthday!
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Yo, dawgs.

So, summer is upon us finally! YES! And what better way to ring in the new season by announcing the winner of the "Who's Your Favorite Punch-Out!! Character" contest? I probably should have posted this way, way sooner, but you know how hectic stuff gets at the end of any school year; I was super busy, but I'm here now to announce the winner of the contest. I just want to thank you all for your patience (absolutely no one bothered me about picking a winner. Maybe you all just forgot) and that the next time I get something really cool, I'll be sure to give it away in another contest. This was actually really fun! So here's the video in which I announce the winner, and keep coming back to my c-blog for more video game oriented musings coming soon!


Yesterday was Saturday, the 30th of May, as many of you may know. My local Gamestop was set to host a Punch-Out!! tourney in celebration of the release of the latest iteration of the venerable video boxing franchise. First prize was an special edition t-shirt, which you can ogle at above. I was lucky enough to be bestowed with this prized garment, but not because I had bested an entire room of fierce, wily foes in a contest of wits and strength as Little Mac had done. No, dear friends and readers. I was the only dumb bastard to show :| But my good fortune may soon become yours, dear friends! Since the shirt is unfortunately about two sizes too small for me (XL) I have decided to give the shirt away to one lucky member of my favorite hardcore gaming community, Destructoid!

So, here's what's gonna happen: I was gonna do something complicated like make it an art context (BTW, if anyone out of the kindness of their hearts wants to draw what a battle between a kung-fu shark and a laser tiger would look like, I would owe you 6 Internets) or do trivia questions, but I'll keep it simple so that everyone has a chance of winning.

All I want to know is Who is your Favorite Punch-Out!! character and Why? Is it the series' protagonist, Little Mac? or his veteran trainer, Doc Louis? Or perhaps it's the unfortunate Glass Joe? or maybe his protege, Gabby Jay? Could it be one of the series' signature characters, such as Bald Bull, Soda Popinski or King Hippo? Could it even be Kid Dynamite, Iron Mike Tyson himself? Be sure to leave your answers in the comments below before 12AM Eastern; Sunday, June 7th 2009 . There. I was originally gonna make the deadline by Wednesday but now I'm giving you an entire week. That should be more than enough time to enter. JOIN THE NINTENDO FUN CLUB TODAY, MAC!