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Jim Sterling's blog
destructoid  Former Reviews Editor

10:22 AM on 04.01.2013

Bring us Merlenderl, and wipe away the debt!

(Made with loving juiciness by Michael Towns)   read

12:36 PM on 03.03.2011

Dtoid Editors discuss important things: Doubling Down on Fetishes

Jim S. It's like Japanese dick girls
Jim S. Like, you're into DRAWINGS of WOMEN WITH DICKS and the dicks are BIGGER THAN THE WOMEN
Now, any ONE of those fetishes, fair enough, go for it
But all three? You're a greedy fucker
Other Editor Who Wishes To Remain Nameless. Brad Rice tried to explain it to me one time but I didn't get it
Jim S. I got no problem with pretty much any fetish. If it harms nobody, I don't care
But when you try to double down on them, you're being selfish
Other Editor. same
What if you're turned on by almost everything
except blood and poop
Jim S. That's fine. But one at a time
Other Editor. because that shit's gross
That's kind of unfair to bondage
Jim S. Like, don't put boots ON a toaster and fuck it while being pissed on.
Other Editor. There's a lot of really fun things that can be done in conjunction with that that you'd miss out on
Jim S. It's too much. You can't enjoy all that shit at once.
Well, I'm talking mostly about the really bizarre stuff
Fuck, I think bondage is almost pedestrian
Other Editor. You're doing it wrong then
Jim S. Well, as a concept in and of itself. I don't doubt you can seriously beef it up
But when I talk about the doubling down, I mean to specifically reference the really out-there shit
Like, I said, the dick-girls with MASSIVE dongs. It's too much to take in (pun not intended)
A drawing of a girl with a penis is enough for one man.
Other Editor. I want to know what those people would do if they actually encountered a dickgirl with an empire state building dick
What would you do with it
Jim S. Exactly!
Other Editor. All my fetishes are at least realistic
Jim S. If I can't reasonably put it inside my spice hole, what can I get off on?
1:20 PM
Other Editor. Hollie has gone silent
Jim S. Like, you can climb up it, I guess. But that's just antics, that's not sexy
Other Editor. It's the same with people who have fetishes of literally being killed
Hollie B. sorry, doing my hair
Other Editor. Actually, the one I really truly don't get
Hollie B. for some reason i still bother with hair and make-up on a night shift
Other Editor. and I'm open to a lot of things
Jim S. There was a dude in Germany. His fantasy was being killed and eaten. And he fucking did it
Other Editor. The one where people get kicked/smacked in the nuts
Jim S. How could he enjoy that?
Other Editor. I can understand on some level how most fetishes, even really weird ones, could at least be enjoyable or erotic
I do not understand how getting beaten in the nuts could be enjoyable in the slightest
That's the dude I was thinking of
Jim S. Certainly. I am thoroughly open minded about that shit
Hollie B. thats a pain thing though
its the pain they get off on
Other Editor. But it's a whole different level of pain
Jim S. But when it stops resembling sex on ANY level, I must admit I get bemused
Other Editor. And getting nutpunched prevents you from getting off
Like spanking? Cool
I'd let a chick spank me if she was into it
If she punched me in the nuts I'd throw her out a window
Jim S. Yeah, the whole BDSM thing is fine n' dandy. But an actual punch in the nuts? That's fighting!
I mean, there are men that do like to get actually beat up a bit, and I can see the appeal there. But not on the nuts, dude. That's like, anti-sex.
Other Editor. If you really want to get into the pain think with your junk, just go for electro or something
something that DOESN'T involve having your testicles smashed
I'm glad we're on the same page
Jim S. Who knows though? Maybe they're wired different, physically, so it actually doesn't hurt the same way.
Or maybe we just haven't given it enough of a chance. I'll bring a hammer to E3 and we can find out!
Other Editor. I don't think so
Jim S. FRIGID!   read

12:07 AM on 09.12.2010

The Obligatory PAX Prime CBlog

You can tell it's been too long since I posted a Community Blog as it took me ten fucking minutes to find the right page!

Anyway, never mind all that bollocks because I'm trying to talk about PAX Prime! Last week was my first ever PAX, and I must confess that in the months leading up to it, I was shitting myself for a variety of reasons. One major reason was, of course, Destructoid LIVE, something I'd been putting my heart and soul into ever since E3. One other major reason I was nervous, however, was ... you guys.

Time and money have prevented me from going to PAX before, and since I'm also in the far flung depths of the American South, my opportunity to intimately interact with the Dtoid community has been limited. I talk to a fair few of you on IM and occasionally remember to stagger into the Steamtoid chatroom or IRC but, on the whole, I don't talk to a lot of you. Finally getting a chance to interact with community members was exciting, but pretty scary too!

Thursday night was perhaps the most surreal night of my career as I stumbled into Gameworks, then stumbled out again thinking I was early, then stumbled back in after someone grabbed me and told me the Dtoid guys were in that corner that I accidentally ignored. What followed was something that felt like it lasted hours, but was probably nowhere near as long, as I stood surrounded by a very small group of people while I felt silent eyes glaring at me from around the room. I was convinced I'd walked into a lion's den of people that hated me and tried my best to socialize with anybody who'd actually meet my gaze, all the while feeling the burning eyes in the back of my head.

I was assured that it was just that people were nervous, especially since I'm apparently much taller than expected in real life, and mixed in with the wobbly fatness, it kind of makes me look terrifying. In any case, I would like to let you know that Destructoid editors, including this bitter and foulmouthed old cunt, are just as scared of you as you are of them. Perhaps moreso. One feels tremendous pressure to live up to the personality you've been reading on this site for many years. It's incredibly stupid, I know, but it's very weird and scary and awesome all at once.

Anyway, to cut a long story slightly less long, the weekend got more and more amazing as it progressed, and Dtoid LIVE was especially amazing. On the high from that show, I got to speak to a lot more of you, even signing copies of Deadly Premonition (crazy!) and meeting some amazing chaps. I will never forget us becoming a massive fire hazard and getting kicked outside, or a row of Dtoid community members standing up and flipping me the bird as vengeance for Duke Nukem Forever's line-cutting. Without sounding like a big prannet, I have to say that my entire Saturday morning was one of the most amazing, proud, and unforgettable moments of my life.

I would also like to apologize for putting in only limited appearances. I actually missed three of Dtoid's parties, mostly because PAX itself had killed me and I was working far harder than I should've. Saturday, I had no excuse. I just wandered into the Sega party, had several free martinis thrown at me, fell into a TalkRadar recording and then promptly forgot my evening's plans. Next PAX, I intend to work less and party more. I feel like I missed out on a lot.

In any case, I guess more than anything I'd like to thank those of you I spoke to for being so nice and friendly, and those I didn't speak to for not shanking me in the dark. I'd like to especially profess my extreme gratitude and love for everybody who woke up early to watch Dtoid LIVE on Saturday and giving me one of the best days I have ever had. You have no idea what it meant to not only me, but everybody else on staff, that you came and watched and enjoyed what we had to show you. Gratitude is all I have for the support you guys gave us then, and continue to give us now.

Seeing all your post-PAX Cblogs, and the adopt-an-avatar program, and all the great fun everybody had, it seems to me that the Destructoid community is greater than ever, and continues to grow and become more fantastic.

In other words: <3   read

6:43 PM on 03.24.2010

Jim Sterling (that's me) interviewed on Machinima's Inside Gaming


To say I've been doing a lot of fucking talking lately is putting it mildly. Here is another interview I did, which actually happened very shortly after the fallout of the Final Fantasy XIII review and the hate campaign instigated shortly after by a bunch of industry professionals. It's a fun little chat I think and you can do a watching of it above.

Hope you like it, if you're not too tired of my worthless, inane chatter already.   read

10:02 PM on 03.18.2010

Mr. Sterling on Original Gamer


More shameless self promotion for you. I was recently interviewed on the Original Gamer podcast where we chatted about Destructoid, and the recent controversies that have made yours truly such a pain in the arse these past few months. The interview was conducted before the Final Fantasy XIII Armageddon, but we touch upon some of the others like art games, Heavy Rain, Assassin's Creed 2 and Deadly Premonition.

In any case, it was a nice rambling load of shit coming out of my mouth and if that gets you off, you can check it out if you want. Or not. Or maybe yes? Listen with your ears here:

Original Gamer 34: An Hour With Jim Sterling   read

10:22 AM on 03.03.2010

Your old pal Sterling on ScrewAttack's Sidescroller's podcast


I appeared on ScrewAttack's Sidescrollers podcast this week to discuss my "Videogame 'fans' need to shut up about everything" editorial. I chat to Destin L and Stuttering Craig about fandom, old school games, and Sonic's legs being too long. Quite a fun little debate and hopefully it is interesting to people. Check it out here:


Hope you like it!   read

10:51 AM on 12.06.2009

My review of all the reviews of my review of thing with the thing


1:28 PM on 09.26.2009

So guess what was in my closet ...


That was in the closet in our apartment. I've been here almost a year and I did not know there was a Dreamcast just lying around in a closet. This is both amazing and ludicrous. I think it belonged to my stepson, hence why I can see horrible dirty fingerprints on it, but it has been successfully commandeered and shall be lovingly restored. Now I just need to find an AV cable and some good games for it. Capcom vs. SNK was in the machine, but that's about it.

This is absolutely ridiculous.   read

4:40 PM on 09.16.2009

Everything on Wikipedia is literally true

For some reason, I have a Wikipedia page. Despite the fact it has numerous issues and has been vandalized countless times, it's managed to stay up for about a year. I do not know why. Anyway, people who think about me and my life more than even I do tend to go on it regularly and write things. Usually they're very boring, very unimaginative insults, but someone has truly outdone themselves today.

The Dtoid tips line got sent a link to the latest edits, and they are truly brilliant. Since Wikipedia will probably take them down before the day is out, I have decided to post them here for posterity and the hope that you will find these literally true facts as entertaining as I found them. Remember, every single one of these is a real fact!


It is also well know that he is massive racist lying Nazi and many websites on the internet have proof of this activity. (

The proof take many forms here is a short list of just some of the things he has done.

FACT: He has stated "Mexicans always ruin everything"

FACT: None of the relatively low amount of money raised went to Mexican children

FACT: None of the money went to children who wanted to play a PC game of there choice so he is racist to any one who touches a PC.

FACT: Jim sterling could not operate a PC with a mouse to save his life making him extremely jealous of all PC game players and there skills he also cant sing so he hates everybody on American idol or anybody with real talent.

FACT: Jim sterling is not funny so he hates anybody who can accomplish humor.

FACT: Jim sterling is dumb enough to by maps on console ports of PC games for much money when then original PC games give them to users for free with many other features

FACT: Jim sterling does tons of things only a stupid console living boy would do it is a lifetime of this activity that lead him to the life of a Nazi and saying “Nein” to many PC gaming children when asked for his charity.

FACT : Jim sterling will play $60 USA currency for games he can get on PC for $30 to $40 us currency

FACT: Jim sterling has never been with in 99 miles of a real PC capable of playing PC games at decent quality so he would not know how horrible looking and playing the console ports of games he is playing are. This makes any review of them he publishes irrelevant useless.

FACT: Jim sterling is homophobic and loves the video games such as shadow complex that support anti homosexual values.

FACT: He played the horrible PAL versions of video console games most of his life and is unable to tell what games look like running correct on NTSC Televisions.

FACT: at the destructoid trip to Cancun he had sexual relation ships for one night with most of the destructoid staff in a hot tub including Chad Concelmo a known homosexual possibly half Asian male. He was so stoned on drugs and alcoholic beverages and remembers nothing .

FACT like all destruction staff he hates everybody especially there readers.

FACT: Jim sterling Idol is Hitler and in the early 1990’s he played wolfenstein 3d on his PC thinking it was a game where Hitler kills all and rises to power by slaughtering millions with his own hands. How ever he was horrified you kill Hitler and Nazi’s in it thus from that day forward he hates PC’s tat run games and any form of technology…. Also bionic commando.

FACT: Jim sterling is not really married to a woman he is living with his sexual partner Chad Concelmo trying to pass “prop 8” and he still hates homosexuals this creates his inner torment deep in his soul.

FACT: Jim sterling is the most hated destructoid staff member and many people public ridicule him on the website.

FACT: Jim sterling was once replaced for a week by a fat monkey in a banana costume and nobody noticed except Chad Concelmo who wondered where his xbox 360 noob buddy went.   read

10:33 PM on 08.24.2009

Why I Love Destructoid

1: Any other Web site would have fired me by now. Seriously. The amount of times my long-suffering Editor-in-Chief Nick Chester has to talk to me about the latest ruckus I've caused and the latest phone call he's received about something terrible I've done should be enough to make me a liability in anybody's eyes. Fortunately, I have bosses that have always been willing to take a risk and let me do what I need to do in order to bring home the cheese.

2: The community. Sounds cheesy to say, but the community at Dtoid really does make a difference. I've always said that other blogs have readers, but Destructoid has fans. I've never felt that the spirit of the community decreased as the site got bigger. It's always been here, and when you see CBlogs embracing a ridiculous meme like this one or the top ten phenomenon Randombullseye started the other day (yes random, I got the message!), you know that like-minded people have gathered and are always on-hand to help each other drive a joke in the ground. That's just the way things should be.

3: It's not pretentious. There's no "HEY LOOK AT ME I AM IN JAPAN" stuff, no "I MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL TIMES" bullshit and no "I REALLY WANT TO WRITE ABOUT MOVIES BUT I'LL WRITE ABOUT GAMES AS A STOPGAP AND HOPE FOR AN EXCUSE TO DO *REAL* MEDIA JOURNALISM LATER" fuckcrap. It's people who love games, get excited about games, and don't care if they look like total nerds when they freak out about something.

4: The interesting debates. The Shadow Complex post we had this weekend was amazing fun for me. I am never short of a good debate here, once the trolls have been sidestepped and I get to engage the intelligent people with real things to say. There's always a fascinating conversation to be had, whether it's in a thread, via email, or even with Dtoiders on Twitter. People here want to talk about games, and wider issues involving games. You compare the level of discourse here to something like N4G and NeoGAF and the difference is clear. And yet WE'RE the guys with the immature reputation!?

5: Niero. Truly a fascinating, life-changing man. Trudat. His secret machinations terrify me sometimes, but he's never steered me wrong yet, and his calm, quiet charisma seems to always make one feel at ease. He also knows how to throw a motherfucker of a party.

6: Rutger Hauer loves it.

... Probably.   read

7:46 AM on 04.02.2009

Samit is the movies!

From the people who brought you Samitsu and Samit the Hedgehog, we now have a Hollywood blockbuster to rival the most dark and macabre horrors on Earth. I give you:


7:11 PM on 02.24.2009

First Jimpressions: Killzone 2

After much patient waiting, Killzone 2 finally arrived this afternoon and I have been spending the afternoon wallowing in its gray space fascism. We'll be bringing you a review as soon as we're able, but I thought I thought I'd share some initial Jimpressions from the game.

I can only describe it so far as a ten-layered FPS chocolate cake. Not because it's rich and deep, more because it's full of calories, thoroughly indulgent and stuffs you to the gills until you feel slightly queasy. Ultimately, I predict that many of you will start your Killzone 2 experience in FPS gluttony, step away, and feel like vomiting, while also being quite satisfied indeed. It's filling, despite the lack of nutritional value. I have hereby destroyed the metaphor.

Anyway, my initial thoughts are that this game is great, un-pretentious, intense fun. If the game maintains what I've seen in the early goings, we'll be looking at a pretty damn good review score, methinks. There are a few issues, mostly with the controls and the gimmicky Sixaxis crap, but it's more a case of adjustments than insurmountable problems. Also, the production values are, needless to say, fucking epic.

Oh, and the Helghast are hilarious. "I'LL TAKE YOU AS A TROPHY!"   read

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