Destructoid reviews editor, responsible for running and maintaining the cutting edge videogame critique that people ignore because all they want to see are the scores at the end. Also a regular features contributor and news commentator, as well as the host of Podtoid, Destructoid's psychologically distressing podcast.
Check out more of your ol' pal Jim on the weekly Escapist show Jimquisition, as well as a range of semi-regular articles including Art Juice, Blatantly Better, and at least two other things!
Jim S. It's like Japanese dick girls
Jim S. Like, you're into DRAWINGS of WOMEN WITH DICKS and the dicks are BIGGER THAN THE WOMEN
Now, any ONE of those fetishes, fair enough, go for it
But all three? You're a greedy fucker
Other Editor Who Wishes To Remain Nameless. Brad Rice tried to explain it to me one time but I didn't get it
Jim S. I got no problem with pretty much any fetish. If it harms nobody, I don't care
But when you try to double down on them, you're being selfish
Other Editor. same
What if you're turned on by almost everything
except blood and poop
Jim S. That's fine. But one at a time
Other Editor. because that shit's gross
That's kind of unfair to bondage
Jim S. Like, don't put boots ON a toaster and fuck it while being pissed on.
Other Editor. There's a lot of really fun things that can be done in conjunction with that that you'd miss out on
Jim S. It's too much. You can't enjoy all that shit at once.
Well, I'm talking mostly about the really bizarre stuff
Fuck, I think bondage is almost pedestrian
Other Editor. You're doing it wrong then
Jim S. Well, as a concept in and of itself. I don't doubt you can seriously beef it up
But when I talk about the doubling down, I mean to specifically reference the really out-there shit
Like, I said, the dick-girls with MASSIVE dongs. It's too much to take in (pun not intended)
A drawing of a girl with a penis is enough for one man.
Other Editor. I want to know what those people would do if they actually encountered a dickgirl with an empire state building dick
What would you do with it
Jim S. Exactly!
Other Editor. All my fetishes are at least realistic
Jim S. If I can't reasonably put it inside my spice hole, what can I get off on?
Other Editor. Hollie has gone silent
Jim S. Like, you can climb up it, I guess. But that's just antics, that's not sexy
Other Editor. It's the same with people who have fetishes of literally being killed
Hollie B. sorry, doing my hair
Other Editor. Actually, the one I really truly don't get
Hollie B. for some reason i still bother with hair and make-up on a night shift
Other Editor. and I'm open to a lot of things
Jim S. There was a dude in Germany. His fantasy was being killed and eaten. And he fucking did it
Other Editor. The one where people get kicked/smacked in the nuts
Jim S. How could he enjoy that?
Other Editor. I can understand on some level how most fetishes, even really weird ones, could at least be enjoyable or erotic
I do not understand how getting beaten in the nuts could be enjoyable in the slightest
That's the dude I was thinking of
Jim S. Certainly. I am thoroughly open minded about that shit
Hollie B. thats a pain thing though
its the pain they get off on
Other Editor. But it's a whole different level of pain
Jim S. But when it stops resembling sex on ANY level, I must admit I get bemused
Other Editor. And getting nutpunched prevents you from getting off
Like spanking? Cool
I'd let a chick spank me if she was into it
If she punched me in the nuts I'd throw her out a window
Jim S. Yeah, the whole BDSM thing is fine n' dandy. But an actual punch in the nuts? That's fighting!
I mean, there are men that do like to get actually beat up a bit, and I can see the appeal there. But not on the nuts, dude. That's like, anti-sex.
Other Editor. If you really want to get into the pain think with your junk, just go for electro or something
something that DOESN'T involve having your testicles smashed
I'm glad we're on the same page
Jim S. Who knows though? Maybe they're wired different, physically, so it actually doesn't hurt the same way.
Or maybe we just haven't given it enough of a chance. I'll bring a hammer to E3 and we can find out!
Other Editor. I don't think so
Jim S. FRIGID!
You can tell it's been too long since I posted a Community Blog as it took me ten fucking minutes to find the right page!
Anyway, never mind all that bollocks because I'm trying to talk about PAX Prime! Last week was my first ever PAX, and I must confess that in the months leading up to it, I was shitting myself for a variety of reasons. One major reason was, of course, Destructoid LIVE, something I'd been putting my heart and soul into ever since E3. One other major reason I was nervous, however, was ... you guys.
Time and money have prevented me from going to PAX before, and since I'm also in the far flung depths of the American South, my opportunity to intimately interact with the Dtoid community has been limited. I talk to a fair few of you on IM and occasionally remember to stagger into the Steamtoid chatroom or IRC but, on the whole, I don't talk to a lot of you. Finally getting a chance to interact with community members was exciting, but pretty scary too!
Thursday night was perhaps the most surreal night of my career as I stumbled into Gameworks, then stumbled out again thinking I was early, then stumbled back in after someone grabbed me and told me the Dtoid guys were in that corner that I accidentally ignored. What followed was something that felt like it lasted hours, but was probably nowhere near as long, as I stood surrounded by a very small group of people while I felt silent eyes glaring at me from around the room. I was convinced I'd walked into a lion's den of people that hated me and tried my best to socialize with anybody who'd actually meet my gaze, all the while feeling the burning eyes in the back of my head.
I was assured that it was just that people were nervous, especially since I'm apparently much taller than expected in real life, and mixed in with the wobbly fatness, it kind of makes me look terrifying. In any case, I would like to let you know that Destructoid editors, including this bitter and foulmouthed old cunt, are just as scared of you as you are of them. Perhaps moreso. One feels tremendous pressure to live up to the personality you've been reading on this site for many years. It's incredibly stupid, I know, but it's very weird and scary and awesome all at once.
Anyway, to cut a long story slightly less long, the weekend got more and more amazing as it progressed, and Dtoid LIVE was especially amazing. On the high from that show, I got to speak to a lot more of you, even signing copies of Deadly Premonition (crazy!) and meeting some amazing chaps. I will never forget us becoming a massive fire hazard and getting kicked outside, or a row of Dtoid community members standing up and flipping me the bird as vengeance for Duke Nukem Forever's line-cutting. Without sounding like a big prannet, I have to say that my entire Saturday morning was one of the most amazing, proud, and unforgettable moments of my life.
I would also like to apologize for putting in only limited appearances. I actually missed three of Dtoid's parties, mostly because PAX itself had killed me and I was working far harder than I should've. Saturday, I had no excuse. I just wandered into the Sega party, had several free martinis thrown at me, fell into a TalkRadar recording and then promptly forgot my evening's plans. Next PAX, I intend to work less and party more. I feel like I missed out on a lot.
In any case, I guess more than anything I'd like to thank those of you I spoke to for being so nice and friendly, and those I didn't speak to for not shanking me in the dark. I'd like to especially profess my extreme gratitude and love for everybody who woke up early to watch Dtoid LIVE on Saturday and giving me one of the best days I have ever had. You have no idea what it meant to not only me, but everybody else on staff, that you came and watched and enjoyed what we had to show you. Gratitude is all I have for the support you guys gave us then, and continue to give us now.
Seeing all your post-PAX Cblogs, and the adopt-an-avatar program, and all the great fun everybody had, it seems to me that the Destructoid community is greater than ever, and continues to grow and become more fantastic.
To say I've been doing a lot of fucking talking lately is putting it mildly. Here is another interview I did, which actually happened very shortly after the fallout of the Final Fantasy XIII review and the hate campaign instigated shortly after by a bunch of industry professionals. It's a fun little chat I think and you can do a watching of it above.
Hope you like it, if you're not too tired of my worthless, inane chatter already.
More shameless self promotion for you. I was recently interviewed on the Original Gamer podcast where we chatted about Destructoid, and the recent controversies that have made yours truly such a pain in the arse these past few months. The interview was conducted before the Final Fantasy XIII Armageddon, but we touch upon some of the others like art games, Heavy Rain, Assassin's Creed 2 and Deadly Premonition.
In any case, it was a nice rambling load of shit coming out of my mouth and if that gets you off, you can check it out if you want. Or not. Or maybe yes? Listen with your ears here:
I appeared on ScrewAttack's Sidescrollers podcast this week to discuss my "Videogame 'fans' need to shut up about everything" editorial. I chat to Destin L and Stuttering Craig about fandom, old school games, and Sonic's legs being too long. Quite a fun little debate and hopefully it is interesting to people. Check it out here: