This went over pretty well last year, so using my patented Three Blogs A Year™ technology, here is the 2009 edition of Every Game I Played This Year Reviewed in Haiku Form. Enjoy!

Borderlands - 8/10
Terrible story
Amazing everything else
No replay value

Street Fighter IV - 10/10
I've no doubts saying
The best fighter ever made
Taiguhw Uppahcawt!

Halo 3: ODST - 7/10
Don't care for multi
Best Halo campaign so far
Bad animation

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 - 5/10
I thought they told us
They're no longer making shit
Sub-standard brawler

Brütal Legend - 7/10
Shows great potential
Nick Chester sucks at this game
Fuck yeah, Motörhead

Red Faction: Guerrilla - 6/10
Hammer Smash... Building
A very fun mechanic
But not much to do

Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts - 7/10
Smart innovation
Sadly marred by poor controls
Have patience, it's fun

Shadow Complex - 10/10
Perfect except for
Its laughably bad writing
I hate teh gayz now

XMen Origins Wolverine - 8/10
Lunge, combo, repeat
Logan has not a conscience
Good on you, Marvel

Ghostbusters - 8/10
As far as "Gears clones"
I have to rank this the best
Bill fuckin' Murray

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand - 7/10
Why are you laughing?
It was actually fun
Don't judge me, okay

[Prototype] - 7/10
Blatently better
Than its weaker counter part
So suck it, fanboys

Star Ocean: The Last Hope - 7/10
Edge Maverick? Really?
Redeemed by battle system
Stop saying "'kay?" whore

Tomb Raider Underworld - 4/10
Abomination
Only insane English girls
Buy this kind of crap

Infinite Undiscovery - 1/10
This game makes me think
I was too harsh on Ms. Croft
Worst game ever made

Afro Samurai - 6/10
A standard brawler
Not enough to hold interest
Nice art style though

Pure - 7/10
Fun, brief destraction
I'm not much for racing games
A steal at ten bucks

Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard - 5/10
It was a nice thought
But the execution sucked
It's not Hazard time

Lord of the Rings: Conquest - 6/10
It may not be great
But it's better than you'd think
Needs better check points

Lost Planet - 6/10
Why theres a sequel
Is beyond my reckoning
Hey, you kill bugs good

Prince of Persia - 8/10
Easy and gorgeous
Reminds me of your mother
Worst ending ever

Dead Space - 9/10
One of my favorites
Asimov and Arthur C
Would have been honored

Saint's Row 2 - 8/10
Doesn't get dumber
Also doesn't get more fun
You've been sprayed with shit

Call of Duty: World at War - 6/10
Level design blows
I also hit a few bugs
Go away Treyarch

Dash of Destruction - 3/10
Yes, I am a whore
But for roughly three minutes
It really was fun

Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City (TLAD and TBoGT) - 5/10
Start making movies
Stop making video games
Your stories are great

Red Star - 8/10
Very punishing
Great mash of shmup and shooter
Thanks again, Topher

Arkham Asylum - 9/10
One serious flaw
To have been game of the year
Bale should have voiced him

Punch-Out!! - 8/10
I do believe that
African American
has procured my bike

Little King's Story - 8/10
There's city building?
Run around, kill shit, upgrade?
HOOK IT TO MY VEINS

Muramasa: The Demon Blade - 8/10
I sincerely feel
Prettiest game ever made
And it's on the Wii!

Killer 7 - 3/10
As a game, it's shit
Maybe better on YouTube
Nerd rage incoming

Folklore - 5/10
I expected more
What's "bored to tears" in Gaelic?
Less cut scenes, more game

King of Fighters XII - 5/10
I played it pre-patch
It's broken ugly garbage
Street Fighter fanboy

Madworld - 8/10
If it weren't on Wii
No one would give a god damn
Not to say it's bad

Henry Hatsworth & The Puzzling Adventure - 6/10
Funny characters
But sub standard platforming
Layton not amused

Professor Heinz Wolff's Gravity - 6/10
Fun and challenging
But too much like a Flash game
The Wii remote sucks

Retro Game Challenge - 7/10
It's eight games in one
GTFO RPG
Star Prince is the best

Animal Crossing: City Folk - 2/10
Only pedos play?
That's insulting to pedos
Debt and mortgage sim

Grand Theft Auto: China Town Wars - 4/10
As a left-hander
This game was unplayable
I felt handicapped

Drawn Together - 4/10
Shitty platformer
Useless gimmick on the side
Try harder, 5th Cell

Lock's Quest - 6/10
Like all tower games
It wears out its welcome quick
Keep trying, 5th Cell

Scribblenauts - 7/10
Congrats, you've done it!
You made a game worth playing!
Still room to improve

Far Cry 2 - 7/10
There's a lot to hate
Jamming guns and worthless friends
Fresh and unique, though

Resistance 2 - 5/10
You mean I shoot guns
At enemy aliens!?
INCONCEIVABLE

Moon - 4/10
All fun to be had
Taken away by one thing
Piss-poor control scheme

Valkyria Chronicles - 9/10
JSRPG
Reason to own PS3
Fairly difficult

Uncharted 2 - 9/10
It should get a 1
For making the mistake of
Not starring Sully

A Boy and His Blob - 8/10
Reminds me of Braid
Not as pretty or clever
Great in its own right

Persona 4 - 9/10
Hour 53
I can't remember my name
Game has absorbed me

Katamari Forever - 7/10
NAAAA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NAAAAAAAAA ...yeah, it's good

BlazBlue - 6/10
Perfectly gorgeous
Inpenetrable systems
Hi, Boobie-lady

Fat Princess - 8/10
Chubby-chasing dwarfs
Maim and slaughter each other
Big is beautiful

Flower - 7/10
Zen, and relaxing
It's become Operation?
Way to kill the mood

Noby Noby Boy - 7/10
I just ate my ass
What is this I don't even
I AM TRIPPING BALLS

Dragon Age: Origins - 10/10
Rich lore and setting
Great writing, naked witch-babes
PLUS IT'S GOT DRAGONS \m/(X_X)\m/

Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time - 9/10
Clank's levels are great
Improvement upon the last
Qwarks the true hero

Assassin's Creed II - 4.5/10
lol