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JawshButturBawls's blog


7:06 PM on 08.26.2015

my art teacher is helping me talk to a cute girl. she's a cool lady. she's, like, my mom. except a cooooool mom.

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6:20 PM on 08.19.2015

when's podtoid?

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9:05 PM on 08.13.2015

kids react to: gardevoir

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7:06 PM on 08.13.2015

my dad's been playing a Huey Lewis CD in his car constantly and guys i really like Huey Lewis & the News.

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11:38 PM on 08.12.2015

"I think I'll go home and play more Pokemon Y" said Kyle MacGregor. Kyle waved his friends goodbye and walked home under the setting sun.

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5:12 PM on 08.12.2015

Zack Furniss revved his super cool Mustang that he kept in the office. Vroom vroom. He did all of his work inside his super cool Mustang and also slept inside his super cool Mustang. vroom vroom.

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7:09 PM on 08.11.2015

Steve leaned back in his bean bag chair and spotted Kyle spying on him. "Yo my boi, Kyle Maccy Gregor- What are your plans for tonight?" Kyle wasn't really sure. He thought about it for a minute.

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2:23 PM on 08.11.2015

"I can't wait to get home and cook food because I am good at cooking food." Steve Handsome is also a really good cook! His favorite dish is an E3 special Hot Pocketâ„¢.

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12:54 PM on 08.11.2015

Kyle closed his laptop and glanced at Steve's cubicle. Steve Handsome was working away at writing an article on the definition of "clickbait." His typing speed and form was impeccable, never missing a key.

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1:13 AM on 08.11.2015

It was an ordinary day in the illustrious Destructoid offices. Kyle MacGregor sat back in his desk chair and fist bumped his moniter at the end of the PewDiePie YouTube video. "Man I sure do love PewDiePie and baseball. Especially baseball." Gardevoir

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2:38 PM on 08.09.2015

Gardevoir.

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11:38 PM on 07.02.2015

Adventures in Artificial Academy 2

Hello hi konnichiwa. 

Today I will share with you my time spent in the wonderful world of Artificial Academy 2. 

 

This is my story. 

I'm not gonna beat around the bush here. This is indeed a mature adult game for grown ups. And ya know, my desires are unconventional. So I play grown up games from Japan. 

My patience and many hours too were lost trying to successfully run Artificial Academy 2. See, in Japan, they have this form of writing called "moon-runes". And these moon runes don't really make any sense, and often times these moon runes caused great confusion and frustration. I ended up "borrowing" the game three times trying to get it to work. Ya know, borrowing from one of those borrowing sites. 

Eventually my trials proved fruitful, and I had obtained access into the golden gates of glorious nippon sex high school, also known as Artificial Academy 2. No more moon runes! 

But first off, before I could play Artificial Academy 2, I needed to create my character. (And my waifu!) The game comes with a really cool character creator and it's fairly in depth. 

"So who'd you create?" 

Well, you've probably already figured that out by now. 

And I'm pretty proud of it too! The character creator had a good number of options for me to create my Pokemon waifu. 

There's a good number of features in the character creator, including lots of hair choices, personality, traits, tone of voice, sexual preferences, and breast size! (Gardevoir likes deep kissin' and some Japanese delicacy called creampies.) 

Names had a weird character limit. But randomized names didn't for some reason. That's why her name is "Gardy". 

Soon after, I created my character and then bam! We can play Artificial Academy 2 now! 

(Note: picture quality is kinda bad and character models aren't the prettiest that they could be. Playing this on my old Toshiba laptop from 2009 that has 3GB of RAM.) 

When you boot up Artificial Academy 2 and select "new game", you begin in your room on a school night. Not much is really explained so you really have to read up on dat fan wiki. There's a notepad in the top right corner of the screen that brings you to a menu. From here, you edit your class. Basically, you insert yourself and a bunch of other characters. The game provides you with a good portion of female characters if you don't want to make a lot of your own custom waifus. 

Once I'm done with that, I go to sleep and then go to school in the morning. At first, I stumbled around trying to understand how the game worked and stuff. Eventually I found Gardevoir when I went to my classroom and introduced myself to her. 

In order to get to the bone zone with Gardevoir, first you need to talk about hobbies, food, lewd things, and such. 

So after doing that for awhile, I asked Gardevoir if I could give her a massage. 

She said "no" and then I went back to small talk again. 

Did I mention characters have a level of virtue? It affects how easy/difficult it is to have S.E.X. with them. Gardevoir has a normal level of virtue. So it took awhile for me to get to the bone zone. 

But I persisted! I never gave up! While people were dreaming of success, I worked hard at it! 

Eventually she accepted my massage. I rubbed that back good! After a few massages, I copped a feel, and Gardevoir gasped in surpise. 

This was really cool and I was like "awww yeaaahhhhh". 

After spending some time with Gardevoir, she eventually confessed her love for me. 

And then we had our first kiss. It was really cute for a dirty smut game from Japan. 

Then this happened. 

(Gardevoir! We are at the train station! Control yourself!) 

The first time Gardevoir asked for sex, she said something along the lines of "Take my virginity now", as we stood in the middle of the school courtyard. 

Dammit! We can't be doing this! Couldn't we just find a nice restroom stall or a utility closet?!? 

My mind was telling me no, but my body- 

My body was telling me yeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss. 

So then we went to the bone zone in that school courtyard, while some student stood near the exit to the back of the school. As soon as we started, the student came up to us and said "You can't be doing that!". I was really disappointed and Gardevoir was very upset at that girl. (I thought Gardevoir was going to beat the shit out of her. But hey, we kinda had it coming. We had S.E.X. in the middle of the school courtyard!) 

 

Since Gardevoir was my girlfriend, we'd makeout in the hallways and students that walked into that section of the school would run away in disgust. 

Later on, I found a dumb closet room that nobody used and went to the bone zone with Gardevoir. We were like panthers having sex while on fire. It was steamy in there. I think a student walked in and immediately walked out. I'm not sure. 

Maybe. 

It was bone town up in there! 

I didn't have a condom on. I think you should be wearing a condom, but oh well. 

whatever. 

 

bye. 

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