7:59 PM on 01.16.2015
In a shocking new revelation, Activision has revealed that the next iteration of the highly popular Call of Duty series will arrive sometime in 2015. The new title, tentatively referred to as Call of Duty: Advancederer Warfaring, will be the twelfth major installment in the critically acclaimed franchise. In a feat of extremely profeshunal garmes jurnalism, I reached out to some Call of Duty experts for comment on the subject.
Clyde Dunghop (age 4) of the Little Red Schoolhouse in Sugartit, Kentucky alleges that Advancederer Warfaring will be the "most amazing Call of Duty ever," citing new features like "next gen fizzix," and "hache-dee visuals."
Seventh grader Elisa Williams of Cooper Middle School reminisced about how she and her friends have been playing shooters like Call of Duty "practically since we were conceived way back in the olden days of 2002." Williams shared that there is a direct correlation* between the number of DLC packages and her overall happiness. We will see if the new game can live up to the legacy left by its predecessors.
I asked our supreme (ex-robot) overlord Jim Sterling about the game, and he summed it up as "the most spectacular load of chungus-ey goodness in all of gaming."
All of this speculation is supported by one ancient Mayan prophecy, which roughly translates to "The twelfth Call of Duty will be the best Call of Duty for ever and ever until the end oftime. Until the thirteenth Call of Duty." Translations are tricky, though, so take this with a grain of salt. Other respected linguists have a competing theory that the prophecy reads something about penguins and a Strawberry Toaster Strudel. But who can tell?
The game is slated for November 5th of next year, but don't hold your breath. In previous years it has arrived as late as November 15th. We'll share more details as they are made available so you can prepare your work schedule and personal relationships around the arrival of this messiah of games.
* Correlation is a word that Elisa had just learned earlier that day in math class, and she is very proud to have now used it in conversation.
11:41 AM on 10.29.2009
12:59 PM on 10.08.2009