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12:12 PM on 02.26.2011

"Storming The Podcastle" Movie script discovered!

Reposting this blog because I was silly and put it up on the weekend when the site was dead. Thanks to all those that did comment on it though!


Whilst walking my sisters dog (I'm a nice guy, aren't I?), I happened upon a rather eccentric acting homeless man. He confronted me and offered me a trade, if I gave him the mighty sum of 50p he would let me take an item from his box. I at once recoiled in horror, but thankfully he produced a small, tattered cardboard box from beneath his long, shaggy coat.

The box contained a deflated football, a bottle of Irn Bru filled with an unknown liquid, "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand and a bunch of loosely clipped papers. Upon closer inspection the papers appeared to be random pages from a script... a script for a Podcastle film! When pressed on where the script came from, he simply stated he collected it on his travels and would say no more. I gave him the 50p and was on my way.

I have now scanned the few pages I have for your enjoyment, enjoy.

















Sadly that is all the pages I had. Will we ever find out the ending to this epic? Will the Podcastle feature film ever be realised? Sadly I think not, once Jim moves to America I think it's all over.   read


1:05 PM on 01.28.2011

The Dtoid Europe SIMulation Experiment: Episode 3

Welcome weary travellers! Welcome to the (possibly) last episode of the Dtoid Europe SIMulation Experiment! Sorry for the delay, but then again most gamers should be used to waiting for Episode 3! God damn I'm hilarious, sexy too.

Anyway, lets introduce House 3!



From left to right:
DarkAndroid
Justice (sitting)
Watermanx
Njsykora
Hammerteim
Fusion (kneeling)
Kylius
TheToiletDuck

Things are off to an awkward start as Hammertiem wakes up first in the house, puts on his best suit, wanders into Justice's room and starts to choke himself.



Fusion decides to perk everyone up by playing some morning guitar. Everyone seems quite sad about it to be honest.



Kylius, so saddened by the musical encounter, goes on to have possibly the saddest workout known to simkind.



Fusion has a little accident... So close yet so far!



Playing Videogames in your tiger striped boxers. TheToiletDuck has life all figured out.



DarkAndroid chooses to watch TV in Hammertiems room, even though he has a perfectly good TV in his own room.



Justice spies on the goings on in House 2. He wants to know your secrets.



I'd like to highlight this, one of Hammertiems relationships is with a car. He is friends with a car.



More platonic bed sharing! This time between Fusion and Watermanx! Also, dreams of Kylius!



Njsykora runs off to work as a Flight Officer. I have no idea what that is, but snazzy uniform!



Fusion tries to put the moves on the maid, the same made from House 1! Justice tries not to notice and TheToiletDuck watches stealthily...



OH GOD HE CAN SEE MY SOUL



*Ahem* Kylius was having none of that, and soon swooped in to try and woo the maid himself



Again, opting to ignore the fact he has his own TV, DarkAndroid rests in TheToiletDucks bed and watches his TV



I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm not wearing any trousers.



Wow, really guys? Watermanx and Fusion gettin' their platonic snoozin' on. Again. In Njsykora's bed.



Hammertiem is pretty pissed off that the plant won't take a look at his shit.



GASP! Platonic snooze infidelity! Fusion and DarkAndroid? Poor Watermanx...



Jordan invited Hammertiem into House 1! Hammertiem when straight up to their PC and sat and played Chess. He then took a shower and raided their fridge. Jordan got pissed and kicked him out.



Umm.. this can't end well...



And on that implied rape bombshell, that's the end of episode 3! I'm not really sure if I'm going to do any more of these. They are a surprising amount of work to do and I fear that they will get boring fairly quickly. So unless I have an awesome idea, I think this is over for now at least.

Hope you enjoyed it!   read


1:09 PM on 01.10.2011

The Dtoid Europe SIMulation Experiment: Episode 2

Welcome back for part 2 of the continued simulated shenanigans of Dtoid Europe. Sorry that this took so long to get posted, but I was pretty ill! I only recently regained my sense of taste! (Taste is AWESOME by the way)

Since I'm assuming you've already read part one (and if not, do so now! It's pretty neat-o!) so we shall just skip right on to the good stuff.

Introducing House 2!



From left to right:
Maurice
Phil
Gibbo (lying down)
n0brien
Gavin
Beccy
Gahley
Wilbo

Now you may notice some similar surroundings in these pictures from the first one, that's because all three houses on the street are exact copies of each other. Time was a factor! Enough babbling, LETS GO!

As we join house 2 (which was running in the background along with house 3 whilst I observed house 1) Wilbo sits alone on a balcony, doing.... well nothing actually...



The rest of the lads get down to some gaming! (n0brien is dressed like that because he joined the Army!)



Meanwhile, Beccy plays catch with the gardener. (I never got a picture of it due to laughing, but Maurice wasn't happy about this and ran right up to the gardener and SLAPPED THE FUCK OUT OF HER)



Breakfast time, and the house seems to enjoy a rather... relaxed dress code



A memo that Wilbo seems pretty angry he didn't receive...



To quell his inner rage, Wilbo began to view a living-room plant and think of sandwiches



RAPE TIME! (Wilbo approved!)



Elsewhere, Phil and n0brien have an intellectual discussion



Maurice and Gahley have a heated argument about... about... I don't think I want to know.



Gibbo talks to strangers on the Internet, doesn't he realise the dangers of that? He could get his identity stolen and then raped!



Gahley unwinds with some games whilst Beccy reads a trashy romance novel called "A magnetic attraction".



I think perhaps that someone forgot to flush...



Clearly drained from his ordeal, Gavin chooses not to go to the comfort of his own bed and decides to nap on the couch instead.



Beccy has an... "adult" dream? That's what happens when you read those kinds of books!



In the morning, Maurice, Phil and n0brien decide to chat about diamonds in Wilbo's room, when he's still sleeping in it.



A soon woken Wilbo drives a slightly sleepy Gibbo to drink by talking about how much he loves plants. Phil just tries to concentrate on his burned waffles.



Perhaps inspired by her dream, Beccy (In true Nik style) chats to their "maid".



DOES ANYONE WEAR CLOTHES IN THIS HOUSE?!?



Phil can't seem to understand why he isn't allowed to watch Gavin use the toilet...



Feeling rejected, Phil goes off to sleep on a sofa



Not to be outdone by Gavin and Phils outrageous sleeping styles, Maurice sleeps on a lounger outside.



Oh COME ON! That's not even a bed!



Umm... that's some platonic bed sharing there between Gahley and Gibbo.... right?



And on that bombshell, episode 2 draws to a close! Hope you enjoyed it as much as the first. Next time we will be observing the goings on in House 3! See you next time!   read


7:54 AM on 01.03.2011

The Dtoid Europe SIMulation Experiment: Episode One

Come one! Come all! Bare witness to an extravaganza the likes of which you have never seen before! Ok maybe that isn't true, but hello all the same.

I thought it would be a neato idea if I was to offer the fine and sexy people of Dtoid Europe the chance to take part in a silly little idea of mine, I would allow them to define their personalities and then I would use the information to create Sim versions of themselves in The Sims 3. I would then put them in a house, set the AI to automatic and record what happens.

The response was awesome! In the end I had too many Sims to put in one house, 24 in total. So I split them randomly into three groups of eight, and today we shall focus on the first group. Say hello to House 1!



From left to right:
Mikey
Jamie (Me!)
Hollie
Seto
Jordan
Nik (Kneeling)
Simon
Andy

Well now that you know who everyone is, lets get to the fun stuff. Remember, I set the AI to automatic, everything that happened was computer controlled. Enjoy!

Things are off to an awkward start as Hollie decides to sit in Jamie's room all by herself



Nik has also chosen isolation, playing a riveting game of chess with himself. He didn't seem to be playing very well as he kept yelling...



Simon shows himself to be the most responsible (so far) by making everyone Mac n Cheese (yes that is Hollie standing in the room behind him, alone)



Meanwhile, Jordan was the first of the group to turn to drink...



...soon followed by almost everyone else. Pretty authentic Dtoid Europe so far!



Mikey decides that the best place to paint would be outside in the middle of the night



Ok, I had to highlight this, apparently Seto can have EXTREME NAPS! (Also yes, that is Hollie sitting alone in Seto's room)



The following morning, Jordan up bright and early. He spent most of the morning making other peoples beds for them.



Whilst Jamie was up even earlier and decided to play Videogames in his underwear before even having breakfast or anything (so realistic!)



Seto decides to use Simon's bathroom to have an EXTREME SHOWER until he is EXTREMELY CLEAN. That's really what the game actually called it. Also, DEM PIXELS.



Hollie woke up slightly later and headed straight for the bar. I think we might be witnessing a developing problem...



Andy woke up and went straight to Jordan's bed to relax, perhaps he can still feel Jordan's warmth?



And Simon decides to spend his waking hours reading a book called "The Adventures of Raymundo"



Jamie is impressed with Mikey's art, Mikey is impressed by Jamie's lack of clothing.



Hollie dances by herself whilst Jamie and Simon play Tag in the garden. This continued for over 2 hours.



Andy is such a dick... (Nik did NOT appreciate that!)



Yay! Videogames!



Hollie drinks alone... again... in the dark..



Jordan refuses to acknowledge that the house hired a Maid. He is a cleaning machine!



Speaking of the Maid, Nik decides to try chatting her up.



DAMN IT ANDY STOP BEING A DICK



Mikey's completed painting, he sold it for $34.



Just hanging out in this one. :D



Andy sleeps and dreams of spacemen, Phil (making a cameo from house 2) takes a practically naked walk in the middle of the night for some reason.



Nothing wrong with this picture... Actually seconds after I took it, the little girl ran away screaming. I would have taken a picture but I was doubled over laughing.



Umm...



OH GOD WHAT



And on that bombshell, the first edition of The Dtoid Europe SIMulation Experiment draws to a close! Next time we examine the goings on in House 2!

See ya next time!   read


11:10 AM on 10.06.2010

Dtoid UK: My Curse & My Cure

It would appear that I have somewhat of a curse hanging over my head when it comes to Destructoid meet ups.

For PAX 09, I bailed on the last day due to falling terribly ill, I still feel I made the right call but I still wonder what it would have been like if I had just went anyway. For Eurogamer 09 I couldn’t get the time off work due to compulsory training that I didn’t need and as it turned out, I never got anyway (gotta love working for a government department). So when I set my mind on FINALLY attending a Destructoid meet up, Eurogamer 10 would be the one and I would be there come hell or high water.

So it is the night before I make my way down to London. It’s about 1 am and I’m lying in bed pretty nervous about meeting a bunch of people off the internet all the way down in London, when suddenly the house phone goes. That’s never a good sign.
It was my Uncle phoning to say that my Gran, who had been very ill for a long time, seemed to be at the end. My Dad went up to the care home to be with her in her final moment whilst I lay wide awake in bed, contemplating what the fuck I was going to do now. I felt selfish for still wanting to go to Eurogamer, but I didn’t want to bail out of yet another meet up. I was pretty conflicted and it felt like no matter choice I made, I was being a prick to someone.

At around 5 in the morning, my Dad came home and told me my Gran had passed away peacefully in her sleep surrounded by loved ones. It was both comforting and sad at the same time. After a talk with my family, we all agreed that my Gran would have wanted me to still go to Eurogamer and have fun, plus the funeral wouldn’t be till Monday at the earliest, so I’d be back in plenty of time. So, still slightly unsure I was doing the right thing, I made my way to London.

Fucking hell did I ever make the right choice.



As I imagine is the same for most people who join Destructoid, I’m easily the geekiest out of my group of friends. I can sometimes feel pretty out of place when most of the culture here involves getting cripplingly drunk and yelling about football. It was wonderful to hang out with an amazing group of people who I have so much in common with. I loved the fact that when one of the incredibly sharply dressed queue Nazis yelled “HALT!” and I proceeded to yell “HAMMERZITE!” I knew nearly everyone would get the reference.


One of the oddest things about meeting people from Dtoid UK, was now normal it felt. After a brief introduction, everyone just sort of fell into a rhythm with each other as if we had known each other for years, even the people who had just joined prior to the meet up. Everyone was so warm, friendly and inviting that you couldn’t help but feel like you belonged. As clichéd as it sounds, it felt like home.



I apologize now if I was somewhat distant or sometimes quiet, as I obviously had things on my mind, I tried my best not to let things get in the way of having the best time I could, but obviously emotions are tricky things.

I’d like to thank a few people now, in reality I’d like to thank everyone personally for just being awesome and helping me to have one of the best times of my life during what would have been a rather low point, but this blog is long enough so know I love you all!

Dan Gale: You Sir, are a legend. You waited in line everyday for us hostel guys to get our wristbands and never once complained. You are amazing, thank you so very, very much.

The Hostel Crew (Straight outta brompton): You guys were amazing. That walk thought London after the party was an adventure and a half. You made everything fun, even all the walking/queuing we had to do. It was all fun thanks to how awesome you guys are.

Hollie & Seto: You guys are awesome for having everyone over to your flat on the Friday night. One of my fondest memories (and one I’ll probably never forget) is at one point randomly in the night, I was standing in the kitchen looking out into the living room, just watching all of these amazing people just laugh and have an amazing time. I remember thinking to myself with a HUGE goofy smile on my face “This is it. I’m actually here. I did it”. It nearly broke my heart when it was time to leave the party. I honestly think I could have stayed there forever.

I'd like to thank everyone for the kind words they've said in the e-mailer/texts about my Gran, It's helped and been a source of strength for me during the funeral and stuff, for the record I hope that none of you ever have to be a coffin bearer, or at the very least you don't have to do it for a long, long time.

I’d like to specifically thank Hollie again, just because she did such an amazing job at organizing everything (and just being fantastic in general). Perhaps “Job” is the wrong word for it though. To me, “Job” implies something you do for money, and it’s fairly obvious Hollie does this, and everything she does at Destructoid, out of sheer passion. You are an amazing person and I’m privileged to have met you.

I’m privileged to have met all of you, I’m honoured to call you all my friends.




Also, cocks.   read


8:59 AM on 06.08.2010

Dtoid/Capcom Prize EPIC Unboxing!

I awoke this morning (9:17am to be precise!) to a loud banging, the kind of banging that can only be made when someone decides to ignore the letterbox and bang their fists against the door as if all of Hells minions were after them. I was not best pleased.

However, Imagine my surprise when I opened the door to find a stranger from a distant land had come to visit!



I quickly hurried him inside and showed him to the living room. For whatever reason he did not seem best pleased about his journey (he muttered something about it "being expensive as hell")



but he was my guest and I was going to cheer him up!

I decided to start of with some lovely tea and a chat



However this did not seem to perk him up! Whatever would I do? I did not want to be a bad host to my intercontinental guest! I would have to think of something else!

Perhaps he was bored? A little TV could solve that!



It didn't. So perhaps he would enjoy a dramatic reading of a good book?



Apparently he was not one for literature either! Not to be put off I thought perhaps he might be soothed by music... so I would play guitar for him!



... he was not impressed



Perhaps if I ply him with food and booze he will cheer up? I decided to try!



Nope



I was starting to get angry now...



WHAT?!? He didn't like Flame Grilled Steak flavoured McCoy's? The mightiest of all crisps? That was the last straw. I'm not proud to admit it, but I lashed out at him!



As I expected torrents of blood and innards to come flying out, I was surprised to find goodies inside!




A Monster Hunter Tri poster signed by everyone at the Dtoid/Capcom event!



ARG! I HAVE BEEN BITTEN BY SOMETHING ADORABLE!



I don't think this fella survived the trip, he is naught but bones! I will have to display him somewhere in honour of his memory!



I assume this says "Make your Wii/Wiimote look AWESOME" in Japanese.



Hey! Someone wrote all over this game!



A T-shirt with a man with a chainsaw on it! Suitable for all kinds of formal events like birthdays, weddings...



A MR DESTRUCTOID BOBBLE HEAD! :D :D



SIGNED BY NIERO! :D :D



Wait, what was this at the bottom of the pile?



A Street Fighter IV snuggie! I would have to try this on later... ok I knew I wouldn't get away with that, so I decided to recreate the box art!






Ok and one more just to keep it sexy...



Why yes, I am single ladies!


Ok in all seriousness I'd like to thank Dtoid and Capcom for these awesome prizes! This is the first contest I've ever won (except for that pool contest I won in Spain, I totally whupped that English kid!)!

Thank you! :D   read


9:02 PM on 05.19.2010

Crazy Cowboy Ballerina Horses - Red Dead Redemption Video

[embed]174094:29956[/embed]

Whelp, I reckon it be about time I dun did another one of them fancy vidja thingies. Ok I'm going to stop that now.

This video doesn't really have much of a point to it, I'm just loving this game so much that I felt like I had to make some kind of video.

I hope you enjoy it! :D   read


3:45 PM on 04.06.2010

Happy Birthday Genki!



Happy Birthday Genki!   read


10:09 AM on 03.13.2010

Thank You For Supporting Interactive Drama

[embed]166856:28210[/embed]

I believe that this video makes as much sense as the actual plot for Heavy Ra-JASON? JAY-SON! JASON! SHAAAAUUUUUNNNNNN!   read


6:59 PM on 05.14.2009

Euro FNF: Bionic Commando edition in HD!!

[embed]132161:19320[/embed]

It may be swinging in a bit late, but it sure looks pretty!

Wow, working in HD sure was a learning experience. Takes bloody ages to convert those files!

I hope you enjoy the recap!

(Make sure you watch in HD!)   read


9:29 AM on 03.28.2009

I got Interviewed for being Internet Famoose™

The following is an interview that took place a few weeks ago for the British newspaper the Daily Evening.

DailyEvening: So what inspired you to make “Left 4 Bed”?

TYS: Well, ever since I was a small child I’ve always had a fascination with rape. I think it all started the first time I ever saw Phil the Wonder Rapist in action. Watching him rape his was to victory in the 92 games was one of the most spectacular thing I’ve ever seen, I mean seriously, those elephants had to be put down after he was done. Simply amazing.


Phil the Wonder Rapist

DE: So what effect do you think “Left 4 Bed” has had on your life?

TYS: Well, Left 4 Bed hasn’t just changed my life, it’s changed the world.
It’s changed attitudes, I mean, before “Left 4 Bed” came out, rape was taboo, you know? People were too scared to talk about it. Now though, everyone can openly talk about last Saturday night when they raped that ginger paraplegic bird in the alley behind Marks and Spencers.

It’s also physically changed the world, I mean, we all obviously know about the tragedy that happened in the Philippines when the video came out. I honestly never expected to overload their tubes. My heart goes out to the families of those who passed away.


The aftermath of the 08' tube explosion

DE: Yes, we can only hope they can rebuild the countries entire infrastructure and economy soon so they can pull themselves back out of this carnage.

TYS: The one good thing about this situation is that it has brought the issue of catastrophic tubes overload to the public. Perhaps now we may never again have to witness another meme related disaster.

DE: We can only hope. Moving on however, how would you say Left 4 Bed has effected your life personally?

TYS: Well, being “Internet Famoose™” has of course totally changed my life forever. I receive almost a constant stream of “Internets” that I have won. I’m running out of room to store them.
I’ve also hung out with other “weblebrities”, (here are two facts you probably didn’t know about Chuck Norris, he has an almost psychotic lust for shemales, and he does NOT know how to share his drugs).

DE: Have you had any romantic involvement with any internet celebs?

TYS: Well, Master Chief is a pretty cool guy, but he takes me out for dinner and doesn’t call me back for anything.

Also Chris Crocker is one sexy female. She let me do anal.

At this point I was forced to do a high five with The Young Scot

DE: Umm, ok. So what’s next for TYS? Can we expect more rape videos in the future?

TYS: In the future? What about right now?


[i] It was at this point that I saw a previously unnoticed camera pointing in my general direction, hidden on a bookshelf. With the fury and agility of a flaming gorilla, TYS was out of his chair and on top of me.
I’d rather not talk about what happened next, my lawyer says I should keep quiet until the trial is over. However it was safe to say that at this point, the interview was most certainly over.
Pray for me dear reader, pray for me [/i]   read


8:40 AM on 03.22.2009

Epic Euro FNF Recap Video

[embed]125834:18189[/embed]

This would be longer, but I got bored. Enjoy! For best viewing you should probably go to youtube to watch it in high quality, but if you're too lazy to do that, I don't judge you, much.

(Also, this took AGES to fucking edit, not that you'd know of course)   read


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