It's Christmas Eve, but you can have this one present early I suppose. Can you guess what it is? It's just what you always wanted! A YouTube video!
I love the Dtoid EU community so much that I couldn't let a big event like Christmas go past without doing something to show how much this crazy-awesome group of kick-ass people mean to me. Not sure exactly why I chose this form of a gift, I guess my mind is just a crazy person.
Massive thanks to Jonathan Holmes for stepping up and doing an amazing job at the voice over infomercial guy. He's a really busy guy and he still took time out to record all the silly lines I wrote. I've heard people call him the nicest person they've ever met, and I can totally see why!
If I left you out, it's mostly because you're a bad person and I don't like you. No, not really. When a community is as big as the Dtoid EU one, it's hard to fit everyone in (oh ho).
I hope you guys enjoy it and that it makes you laugh. Merry Christmas to all you amazing people whom I am privileged to have in my life.
Finally! The eagerly awaited (by me) next episode is here! Due to getting a new MAXIMUM EVERYTHING PC (With blue go faster lights) there was a bit of a delay, but enough excuses and onwards to Sim shenanigans!
From left to right: Jordan
Presenting House 3!
Gale and Jordan set the tone for the episode early.
Meanwhile, Chris chill out at the beach. He can't help but feel like he's being watched for some reason.
Germany and Mikey go to the park and touch books.
Aidan is probably about to be mistaken for a spy.
Jordan heads to the gym, in style!
Is Gale playing an amazing game, or watching amazing porn? You decide!
Germany check out his sexy self in the mirror for a few hours. HOURS.
Aidan makes the moves on a married older woman whilst her husband looks on.
Jordan has actually broken into someone house in order to clean their dishes. Thankfully they aren't in.
Mikey and Chris feel like making love. Three times in a row actually.
Out of fucking nowhere Germany slaps the shit out of Gale.
Some illicit three way book touching action. Cameo by kyle!
Gale, Aidan and Chris decide to visit the local graveyard and explore the mausoleum, as you do.
Germany lays the smack down on some random girl in the street.
Aidan tries to sex up some Gale, but he's not having any of it.
Chris and Jordan play a game of hide the sausage. Poor Mikey.
Chris and Jordan go for some post coitus skinny dipping. Gale does not approve.
Germany attacks Gale for no reason!
Germany's reign of terror continues!
Gale (Who is a fireman now) starts dating a Granny called Yumi and asks her to move in! GILF! GILF! GILF!
Yumi gets no special treatment from Germany.
FIGHT THOSE FIRES GALE!
From literal fires, to the fires of infidelity, Chris and Cop Jordan go at it again.
Oh shit! Busted!
Germany gropes Gale's Granny Girlfriend!
And on that illicit alliteration bombshell, that's the end of Episode 3!
Yes! It's back! With one hell of a cumbersome title! I decided to do a quick reboot of this project and add a couple of choice mods to up the hilarity. So without further ado, let the shenanigans begin!
They say the beginning is a very good place to start, so onward to the new House 1!
From left to right: Maurice
As another slight change, each house will be unique! I downloaded random houses online, so it's the luck of the draw as to the quality of their abode. Lets have a look at where our heroic sims shall be living.
Maurice is found diligently spending his free time writing up some reports for his job as a police lieutenant. (The game somehow glitched and promoted him 5 times before his first day)
Craig and Seán don't get off to the best of starts
Elsewhere, Maurice and Phil aren't exactly hitting it off. Maurice is such a Troll (Y u mad tho?)
Seto avoids the chaos and chill out with a good book. (Point Farmer: The Story of Grand Rodiek)
Nik also relaxes in the world of words. (The Adventures of Raymundo)
The next day, everyone is up early to read more books! READIN' ALL UP IN THIS MOTHER. Clothing is optional.
Craig bucks the book trend, opting instead to watch some telly.
Maurice spends his day off driving around town in his very own Cop car.
Tragedy strikes as the TV breaks! Seto sets about fixing it, using nothing but a screwdriver.
Nik heads out to work his first day as a paper boy. (Unintentional nekkid Phil sighting)
Maurice heads off to the station, who doesn't love a man in uniform?
Speaking of uniforms, don't let anyone say you can't pull of pink, Craig.
Later on, Nik gets stuck in to a broken shower. (Seán did it)
Craig and Army Seto (with kung-fu grip) settle down after a hard days work and play some videogames.
Seán calls Maurice out on being a mean bastard. Which he totally is.
For some reason that I'm sure made sense to him at the time, Craig decides to give himself a sponge bath in the middle of the kitchen.
Feeling fresh, Craig retires to his bed to relax and is joined by Seán...
Oh God, looks like we're about to see our first official Sim shag!
OH SHIT! REJECTION!
And on that cockteasing bombshell, that's the end of episode 1!
We all must poop, yet the act of evacuating one's bowels is not very exciting. Relieving oneself is not an emotional experience, nor does launching a sub help us better understand the human condition. Why must such a necessary biological function be so boring? Could ass sneezing be an emotional journey of self discovery? Can drowning a mud bunny ever be considered a spiritual experience?
I would say that the answer is yes.
I believe that with a simple choice of music, the next time you frisbee a bun fudge you will have a life changing experience. Allow me to set the scene.
You didn't sleep well last night and getting up was, in and of itself, a monumental feat of sheer willpower. With no time for breakfast you hurry to your place of work, where you prepare to toil in anguish for the next 8 hours. You are kept busy throughout the day, far too busy in fact as you have no time to spare, that thing you kept putting off can be put off no longer as the impending deadline looms above you like a really fat, intimidating bird. As the day passes, you feel a pressure in your bowels, any other day you would have taken a quick break to do a big jobby, but not this day, you are far too busy.
Eventually the workday ends and you begin the journey home. The pressure in your bowels demands your attention, you begin to fear that even though you are a grown adult, you might actually shit yourself. Rush hour traffic cares not a jot for your desperate plight to get home and do the backdoor trot. What feels like centuries later, you manage to get home, you make a desperate dash for the loo and whip your kegs down as fast as humanly possible.
Suddenly nothing. The pressure keeps building but there is no release! You frantically grab on to anything you can nearby to brace yourself. You can feel your entire body begin to quake as your own personal Krakatoa nears exploding.
And then the music kicks in. (Please listen to the songs and imagine yourself in this situation)
Michael Giacchino - There's no place like home
You begin to think this is the one. This is the poop you feared all along. This is the poop that kills you. Thoughts of your loved ones flood through your mind, do they know how you really feel about them? When they find your exploded body, will they understand how much you cared? You begin to transition through the five stages of poop grief. At first you deny that you even have to poop at all, clenching as hard as you can. Then anger, anger at the poop. Fuck you poop, you think. You begin to bargain with your ass, "I'll get more fiber in my diet!" you say, "Wait, or is it less fiber? I will change the amount of fiber in my diet!" you plead, but your ass seems not to care. You begin to openly weep at the futility of life as depression sets in, before finally accepting your fate. You lived a good life, full of love, laughter and apparently poop. You mentally say your farewell to this life and close your eyes.
Bill Conti - Gonna Fly Now
You've trained all your life for this moment. The situation seems dire, but you are not a quitter. Physically spent, you have only your sheer willpower to see you through. Knuckles turn white as you tighten your grip on whatever you can find, teeth gritted, you prepare to go the distance. When this struggle began, you both feared and hated the poop. However, during your epic battle you've gained a new found respect, a warriors respect. Together you have battled and brought out the best in each other. A single manly tear streaks down your face as you feel your opponent slip up. He fought well and died in battle, like a true warrior.
What a heroic little shit.
Flight of the Valkyries
There is no setting up for this wonderful pooping aid of a song. Just listen to it and imagine how improved your shitting experience will be. You may drop off a few pounds in the bowl, but you'll feel a few feet taller afterwards.
This is by no means a complete list. There are many other wonderful pieces out there that will vastly enrich the act of dropping doo-doo depth charges. Please feel free to share your own personal discoveries and experiences in the comments below.
I honestly urge you to try this, it will forever change your life.