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Jake Deerberg's blog

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Jake Deerberg avatar 10:21 PM on 05.06.2013  (server time)
Why can't I enjoy things anymore?

When I was a kid playing the original PS1 and Dreamcast, I didn't have a care in the world. We all were like that at one point right? We didn't care what others thought, we just wanted to play our games. Even if everyone else hated it, there was still that one or two game you loved.

For some reason I feel that's changed now.

As of recent I find myself struggling to enjoy games I love due to other people. Let me clarify, I have a spectrum of autism which makes social situations pretty tough for me. It's a little different for everyone but for me I can get easily swayed. Not internally I still have my main opinions inside but I find I tend to crack under certain situations such as 'One friends hates this guy and you agree with him and yet you're still best friends with that person whose hated'. Generally it doesn't take much to sway me.

But of course to get away from this I played a crap ton of games. A crap ton. Way too many.

...Unfortunately that's changed a bit.

With the advent of several game companies going under fire, I still struggle with 'Do I love their games, or hate them.'

I'll give you a recent example.

I.Fucking.Love.Borderlands2. Currently I have a very stressful job at the place of walls that shalt not be spoken and I still live with my parents under the pressure of 'Getting my life together'. On the times I get the chance, Borderlands among other games are very therapeutic for me. I've only been able to get through three playthroughs but I still want more. But lately it's been tough for me to want to get back in whenever I see messages like 'FUCK GEARBOX! FUCK THEIR GAMES FUCK ALL OF 'EM!'

Now I understand the distaste of DLC over the years. But I still tend to like them if I deem them worth it. Like when I saw 'Hey we're releasing a level cap increase for borderlands 2 for $5.00'. I thought to myself, bit pricey but I just got paid so why not? I wanted to post that but when I saw the comments of 'FUCKING RIPOFF! FUCK YOU' and such I withheld.

I don't know why but despite my love and enjoyment of these kinds of games, whenever I see comments and people talking like that on forums and such... it makes me not want to play them. Not because I hate them, but because I cave easily to peer pressure.

God dammit I just want to enjoy my games and not care what people think...

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