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Community Discussion: Blog by JFZeb | Being good at videogames once got me laid.Destructoid
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About
JFZeb is a Canberra based writer/stilt-walker/performer/mc/mall-santa/doodler/clown/liar/producer/director/ring-master/thief/award-winning-scienceist.

He also plays video games and thinks about them too much.
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Being good at videogames once got me laid.

If it sounds like I‘m bragging that’s because I kinda am. You would too. Not because getting laid is particularly brag worthy (lots of people do it) and not because I subscribe to the ridiculous stereotype that all gamers are socially backwards virgins (which is as untrue as it is over used.) No, I’m bragging about it because it’s weird. It’s a bizarre and kinda cool thing that happened to me. This is not how things are supposed to work. The universe should not reward me with sex because I spent too much time as a kid playing Super Nintendo. That’s just not right, and it gives me the wrong idea about how I should live my life.

See back when I was one of those stereotypical socially backwards virgin gamers, the idea that somewhere out there was a girl I could possibly have sex with was what got me to put down the controller in the first place. As exciting as my first Tomb Raider-induced erection was was, I was well aware that Lara Croft would never actually be able to touch it.


Even though I could tell she totally wanted to.

If I wanted my erection to go anywhere I needed to leave the house. So I did. I did what any horny teenager with half a brain does, I made friends with girls, I attended parties with girls, I spent every moment I could attempting to touch girls. I started writing and got involved with theatre (because the hottest girls at my school were all into drama.) Eventually it worked.

The point is that usually sex is the reward you get for being an active healthy human being. Sex is what happens when you do things like clean yourself, dress nicely, go outside, socialise, lead an interesting and productive life… those sorts of things. When I wanted to get laid I had to be interesting, funny, charming, and hygienic. Playing videogames, reading comics, and watching stupidly large amounts of late night infomercials, these were purely selfish pursuits.

I’m not claiming that I stopped these hobbies. Of course not. In all honesty I still probably spend far too much of my time and money on these things. Just that the only reward I got from doing them was entertainment, and several great deals on steak knives.


I’ve probably spent more nights staring into this man’s eyes than any woman’s.

Wow, Tim Shaw jokes? Man that is one dated reference. At any rate my point is that being a gamer doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to get laid, but it certainly shouldn’t help me. Charm, wit, intelligence, and art, these were the skills you have to use to get girls.

Being good at videogames once got me laid.

It always irritates me that the media always seems to portray gamers as lonely virgins, but to an extent I understand why. The hobby is not sexy, it’s not active, and (online communities aside) it can be quite anti-social. Every time I replay Mass Effect 2, I am not improving my life (although I am however improving my gamerscore which currently stands at 21150. What? I like my Gamerscore!)

Of course in reality a person can have many hobbies, both social and anti-social and keep these parts of their life in balance. It’s not tricky. However, expecting the media to have a clear and balanced view of the world is pointless, particularly when most of us geeky types seem to delight in trying to force these stereotypes onto each other.


“Hey did you check out those Xbox fans? Those guys are total virgins!”– Lord Nintendofanloves69s the 3rd.

So as I got older my priorities changed. I still loved my geeky pursuits but more and more of my time was being spent working on my non-gaming skills because these were the skills that would bring me money, friends, and blowjobs. So when one day I managed to get laid due to my ability to efficiently navigate fire pits, it terrified me.

Not the sex, that was great, nor the girl, she was lovely. What terrified me was the idea that maybe if I was even better at videogames would I get more sex out of it? What if I had made a terrible mistake? What if instead of deciding to become more charming, I’d simply put my head down and trained my thumbs harder than before? If I hadn’t wasted all that time grooming, I’d be like a million times better at games right? I could go from door to door, beating difficult games for grateful girls and having them invite me into their beds afterwards to receive my just reward.

Ok, so probably not.

I haven’t actually told the story yet. You may not even want to hear it. It’s not a terribly sexy story. There was a girl. I thought she was cute. I tried to chat her up a few times but failed miserably. One day she mentions that she has a Super Nintendo set up next to her bed and plays it all the time. Obviously I suggest that we should play said Super Nintendo together. Fast forward. We’re sitting on her bed, she’s just kicked my arse at Street Fighter 2, I have just discovered a previously unknown fetish I have for getting my arse kicked in Street Fighter 2 by a cute girl.


Now beat me again, but this time play as Chun Li…

Eventually she asks if I’m any good at Mario. I say that I’ve beaten every Mario game (which I have… except for The Lost Levels but that doesn’t count right? That game was waaaay too hard.) She asks if I’ll help her beat Mario, as it’s the only game she has that she can’t beat. I agree to help, and get ready to show her just how well I handle my plumber.

She puts in Mario All-Stars, and of course loads up The Lost Levels.

Well crap.

Now at this point I’m not thinking straight, for the first time ever a girl seems genuinely impressed by my gaming ability. On the other hand every sitcom episode I’ve ever seen where a guy lies to a girl to impress her has ended up with the guy looking like a complete dickhead by the end.

I realised I had to keep the lie going, however I was pretty positive I was about to destroy any chance I had with this girl.


Nintendo’s greatest boner killer.

Somehow, that day, we both managed to beat The Lost Levels for the first time. I was psyched, so psyched that I had almost completely forgotten about operation ‘get with cute girl’.

The girl was surprisingly grateful.

I got laid because I managed to beat Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels.

For one beautiful and terrible day, the natural order of things was turned on its head and I was given far more than I deserved. It was awesome.

The next day she made me breakfast. Sex and food? Thank you gaming!

Also on my way home I stopped into my local store to discover a sales rep giving out free ice cream.

I’m not making this up.

Seriously, best weekend ever.



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That's a cute story. I once got a bj for not only being good at Tony Hawk, but being able to walk outside, ollie a curb and bust a 180 shove it. My younger self felt pretty badass.
Your younger self was badass.
"I subscribe to the ridiculous stereotype that all gamers are socially backwards virgins (which is as untrue as it is over used."

The irony of writing your two blog posts back to back is just priceless. In the first one, you claim that they are all powerful white male overlords - elites who dominate culture ruthlessly, excluding women for their own amusement.

Then you immediately follow it up with an article pointing out how powerless, un-privileged, and pathetic the public's perception of gamers has been for 30 years. Priceless.

"I once got laid for being good at videogames," obviously implying that it is a very, veryyyyyyyyyyyy unusual occurrence. The normal thing being total rejection of gaming by females. Exactly as I said.
It amuses me that you're from Canberra and your story is about a lady who took you in and gave you breakfast. :D
Hey man, that does sound like a pretty good weekend!
Shinta I think you might be reading different blogs than the ones I have written. In my other post I don't claim anything of the sort. If I communicated my ideas poorly I apologise but my intention was to point out that the straight white male demographic is largely catered to by publishers, to the point where we've come to expect it. I did not mean to claim the that gamers are are all powerful white male overlords - elites who dominate culture ruthlessly, excluding women for their own amusement. Gamers don't choose what games are made or how they're advertised, at least not directly, but they are responsible for their own actions. Actions like getting upset and defensive when someone discusses trying to make gaming more inclusive.

As to what amuses you so much about these two post being published together I have no idea. These is no thematic link between them. One was a post about privilege, the other a story about being a gamer and getting laid. I mention that the media often portrays gaming as a hobby only enjoyed by stereotyped socially awkward nerds. This is true, but entirely unrelated to any point I make in the other article. I don't see the irony.

Also me implying that getting laid because of videogames is an unusual occurrence is in no way the same as me implying that females totally reject gaming. That's a pretty massive leap of logic you have achieved there and you should be commended for it.
If I could get laid because of gaming or any other reason I am considered nerdy, I would brag about it all the time.

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