Woe is the game that tries do make me do stuff that I am not yet comfortable with. A long time ago in Internet years, a.k.a around November of last year, I picked up Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass for the DS. I had heard that it would be a direct sequel to the Wind Waker, a title that I, much like the rest of the gaming community, grew to love only after what locals here would describe as "Hella bitchin."

I played about twenty minutes of the game, then threw it in my "gonna play it later(never)" pile. This decision was based on a fundamental disagreement between myself and Miyamoto that I dared not vocalize until now.

First, please let me explain that I am not a small dude. And so it is that were you to look upon me with a DS stylus in my hand the image of that chimp prying food out of an anthill with a stick would come to mind. And it is with this knowledge that you should imagine my confusion and anger when I was left to search for the Ocean Kings hut and got no response from the control pad or action buttons.



The stylus worked just fine though. I thought, is this what it has come to Nintendo? Forcing me to go along with your innovation shenanigans by making them the only way to play your franchise titles? Whats next, only being able to play smash bros. by jumping up and down on the wii yoga mat?

Well. I overcame my hate of the unknown and fear of arthritis( someone please tell me, is there a comfortable position to hold the DS and stylus for over 15 minutes?) and picked up the title again. It....Is....not...bad. Its a Zelda game. And an above par one at that. The bosses take three hits. The sidekicks are annoying as all fuck. Everyone is a spirit animal in disguise in the end. You know which weapon to use according to which refill comes out of which pot. It is all there.

And when all is said and done, some of the puzzles really do benefit from the innovative use of the dual screens, and the ability to make notes and direct weapon trajectory with the stylus makes some otherwise boring dungeons rather fun. It just takes a ridiculously long time to forget that you are being bossed around by a game. Dammit Nintendo. You big bully.

P.S. For everyone that thought this was some kind of smash update....Yeah...