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Isay Isay avatar 8:05 AM on 01.29.2014
Puppy Bowl X Preview

Time once again for the unofficial Destructoid Puppy Bowl Preview.  Last year’s pick of Aurora was looking good until she threw a crushing pick-6 near the end of the game.

Who will take the MVP title this year?  Let’s look at the competition


Name: Abdiel
Breed(s): Labrador Retriever/Terrier Mix
Fun Fact: Feels Labs get a bad rap about shedding
Isay Take: As much as Macklemore gets a bad rap about rap?? HA, TOPICAL!  The size of a lab with the motor of a terrier could be the combination that pushes Abdiel to the top


Name: Alvin
Breed(s): Poodle
Fun Fact: Favorite color is Raspberry.
Isay Take: There’s only one man who would dare give me the raspberry!  Alvin needs to outthink his opponents to take the title


Name: Artemis
Breed(s): Labrador Retriever/Sato Mix
Fun Fact: Goes nuts for cat videos
Isay Take: Artemis might be distracted knowing that the Hallmark Channel is airing the Kitten Bowl at the same time. She needs to keep her focus on the game in order to stand a chance.


Name: August
Breed(s): Boxer
Fun Fact: Wants to follow the band moe. across the country
Isay Take: What’s the matter, Guster not touring this year?


Name: Aurora
Breed(s): Dalmatian
Fun Fact: Has a crush on a fireman
Isay Take: Aurora needs to use her head and not her heart to SPOT the opportunities to score


Name: Bach
Breed(s): Bernese Mountain Dog/Poodle Mix
Fun Fact: Thinks Mozart is overrated
Isay Take: Bach has the combination of brains and brawn that can help him HANDEL the competition


Name: Bayla
Breed(s): Boxer/Hound Mix
Fun Fact: Prefers Carrie Underwood's version of the Sunday Night Football theme
Isay Take: Bayla’s got the competition on their knees.  Bayla can’t be begging (darlin’ please) if she wants to be the Cream of the competition


Name: Benton
Breed(s): Labrador Retriever
Fun Fact: Plans to one day have a really important job serving as a guide dog
Isay Take: Benton needs to use that focus to find the end zone a few times.  This is the perfect stage to show those skills.


Name: Brody
Breed(s): American Eskimo
Fun Fact: One day wants to own his own dog house
Isay Take: A dog owning their own house??? Now I’ve heard everything.  He may know 50 different words for snow, but the one word he needs to know for the Puppy Bowl is touchdown.


Name: Coco
Breed(s): Poodle Mix
Fun Fact: Hope LA gets an NFL team soon
Isay Take: You can bring a team to LA, but you can’t make them go to the games.  Coco needs that gogo to stand out from the field.


Name: Cody
Breed(s): Spaniel
Fun Fact: Thinks fatherhood has mellowed Kanye
Isay Take: As long as he keeps moving North-South and less East-West, Cody should be right there in the mix


Name: Danny
Breed(s): Papillon Mix
Fun Fact: Aspires to have hair like One Direction's "Harry Styles"
Isay Take: Like with Cody, the one direction Danny needs to be moving is toward the endzone, he should be fine.


Name: Dee Dee
Breed(s): Terrier Mix
Fun Fact: Believes the best movie kiss was Kate and Leonardo in "Titanic"
Isay Take: I have never seen Titanic from beginning to end.  I’m quite proud of that.  Dee Dee needs to become Tee Dee.


Name: Delachaise
Breed(s): Pit Bull Mix
Fun Fact: Loves New Orleans Jazz
Isay Take: Delachaise (Della) needs to use those improvisational skills to bebop her way across the field. Hopefully, no scat as well.


Name: Ginger
Breed(s): Old English Sheepdog Mix
Fun Fact: Counting sheep automatically puts her to sleep
Isay Take: Talk about being in the wrong profession.  If she can’t keep up with the more active pups, look for Ginger to throw in the towel early.


Name: Hudson
Breed(s): Great Pyrenees
Fun Fact: Thinks Seabiscuit is a fish-flavored dog treat
Isay Take: Needs to avoid the neigh sayers and horse around with his competition


Name: Jillian
Breed(s): Shih Tzu/Pekingese Mix
Fun Fact: Wants to go to this year's Kentucky Derby
Isay Take: Jilly?



Name: Laney
Breed(s): Brittany Spaniel Mix
Fun Fact: Wants to catch a ride on one of those NASA Mars rovers
Isay Take: I know dogs like to chase cars, but this is ridiculous!!  Laney just needs to make sure the competition is chasing her.


Name: Lily
Breed(s): Bassett Hound
Fun Fact: Tries not to step on her own ears
Isay Take: Her low center of gravity should help take on the big hits, but Lily needs to stay on her feet if she wants to blossom on the field.


Name: Loren
Breed(s): Brittany Spaniel Mix
Fun Fact: Prefers NCAA 14 to Madden 25
Isay Take: SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC!


Name: Lucy
Breed(s): Poodle Mix
Fun Fact: Wants her paws on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
Isay Take: Look for Lucy to find the nearest camera and stay there until the end of the game.  She looks to more focused on future endorsement deals than any prize.


Name: Mandy
Breed(s): Dachsund/Hound Mix
Fun Fact: Thinks long legs are overrated
Isay Take: Needs to channel all that energy and keep badgering her opponents throwing them off their game.  Should be able to break a few tackles that can hopefully lead to some big plays.


Name: Max
Breed(s): Shih Tzu
Fun Fact: Wants One Direction and The Wanted to just get along
Isay Take: /Googles “One Direction and The Wanted Feud”
               //Throws computer out the window


Name: Mila
Breed(s): Pit Bull
Fun Fact: Adores the theatre, but always arrives late
Isay Take: While a slow start won’t necessarily keep Mila out of contention, if she finishes strong it may be what the judges remember most about the game.


Name: Opie
Breed(s): Schnauzer/Terrier Mix
Fun Fact: Favorite cartoon is Marmaduke
Isay Take: Opie needs keep up the RUSH in order to make a SPLASH with the judges.




WILLOW!


Name: Parker
Breed(s): Labrador Retriever/Husky Mix
Fun Fact: Has an autograph from Uga, the University of Georgia mascot
Isay Take: Parker should be one of the biggest pups out there.  If he can avoid getting caught up with the small breeds, he could easily overpower everyone.*


Name: Pong
Breed(s): Havenese Mix
Fun Fact: Has been to Disney World 12 times
Isay Take: Judas Priest, 12 times?!?! Pong may get bored out there on the field at this rate


Name: Poppy
Breed(s): Shih Tzu/Brussells Griffon Mix
Fun Fact: Favorite director is Paul Feig
Isay Take: Poppy can’t be a Bridesmaid and wait for the action to come to her.  Needs to bring the Heat to stand a chance with the bigger pups.


Name: Prada
Breed(s): Boxer
Fun Fact: Would never be caught dead in Burberry
Isay Take: Who would put clothes on a dog?



Name: Roxy
Breed(s): Shih Tzu/Chihuahua Mix
Fun Fact: Compares herself to another Georgia girl, Julia Roberts
Isay Take: Is that the toothy girl from Mystic Pizza?

  


Name: Shyla
Breed(s): Great Pyrenees
Fun Fact: Favorite actress is Melissa McCarthy
Isay Take: Looks like Shyla and Poppy may find a connection over film.  Will they play nice with everyone else is a bigger question.


Name: Sparky
Breed(s): Yorkshire Terrier
Fun Fact: Hopes to spend his summers playing volleyball on Manhattan Beach
Isay Take: A dog playing volleyball??? Now I’ve heard everything!



Name: Suri
Breed(s): Siberian Husky
Fun Fact: Thinks they should cut Miley Cyrus some slack
Isay Take: Suri’s size should help her Cruise past the competition.

Side note 1: Miley Cyrus…bless her heart.




Side note 2: GROSS


Name: Taser
Breed(s): Italian Greyhound
Sex: Male
Age: 12 weeks
Fun Fact: Wants to drink from a fountain in Rome
Isay Take: Likely to shock the other dogs by his speed, Taser could run circles around the field before anyone is able to react.


Name: Tyga
Breed(s): Pit Bull
Fun Fact: Knows what the Fox says
Isay Take: I saw that video…meh.  Now Bad Lip Reading, you’re onto something there


 

Name: Ullie
Breed(s): Dachsund/Chihuahua Mix
Fun Fact: Hates all those Rocky sports clichés about Philadelphia
Isay Take: Ullie’s got to eat lightning and crap thunder if she wants to win.  Also she’ll want whiz on her cheesesteak with onions and hot peppers (AND I WANT LUNCH)!  She’s got a star behind her to cheer her to victory.  Just who is it?
 


You guessed it, Frank Stallone


Name: Van Helsing
Breed(s): Bassett Hound
Fun Fact: Learned to waterski from a squirrel
Isay Take: A dog that can waterski??? Now I’ve heard everything.  Like with Lily, Van Helsing needs to stay on his feet and strike through the heart of the defense.


Name: Wyatt
Breed(s): Terrier Mix
Fun Fact: Dreams of walking the Appalachian Trail
Isay Take: The AT is roughly 2,200 miles. The Puppy Bowl certainly isn’t always a sprint, so Wyatt’s endurance training could pay off if he can stay in the entire game
 

FINAL THOUGHTS
Suri and Parker should tower over the competition, but even they might have enough to overcome Taser’s speed.  If those 3 get distracted, look for smaller dogs like Mandy or Della to swoop in and steal the title.

Oh yeah, there are Super Bowl storylines too

*Note: During the typing of that sentence, 3 Uga's died**


**TOO SOON!

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