Ian Roberts's Profile - Destructoid

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Hello folks, first off thanks for reading mah blog. I hope it was fun, informative and educational or at the very least a series of words with badly photoshoped pictures.

My real name is Ian, although Shakey is a more commonly used nickname and thus my gamertag/internet name. I'm from Liverpool in Britain and have been playing games since the heady days of the Commodore64.

Favourite game: Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Best console ever: Dreamcast
Best handheld: GameBoy Advance SP
Team Fortress 2 Class: Medic
Xbox 360: #1 Bricked (E-74), #2 Running fine
Resident Evils played: 6
Resident Evils beaten: 5
Pads broken: 2
Friends punched during a game of Street Fighter II: 1
Games imported from Japan: 1 (Godzilla something or other)
Personal favourite car in Gran Turismo: Mazda MX-5 (custom)
Times felated in PlayStation Home: 0
Favourite piece of classical music: Les Toreadors from "Carmen"
Favourite classic movie: Cassablanca or The Longest Day
Favourite modern film: Zatoichi (the Beat Takeshi version)
Religious view: Misanthropy
Person I would most like to drop down a well: Piers Morgan
Vehicle I would most like to race the Gumball in: Ice Cream Van
Favouite Comedian: Bill Bailey

I came to Dtiod
Prior to my settling in to Dtiod I had haunted a small number of forums and found them to be either cliquey, unwelcoming or just a bunch of cocks. I had read the site for some time and enjoyed it's more quirky, down to earth view of video games and so I lurked and eventually plucked up the courage to do a Cblog, post on the forums and even venture into the IRC. It is without a shadow of a doubt the best online community I've ever found.

I can be found most often in the forums, specifically in The Podcastle section of which the awesome Technophile made me King. If you need somethying shooping, give us a shout and I'll be more than happy to do so. :D


Custom Wallpapers

Dr Robotnik (Transformers Movie poster style)


Alien vs Spice World


Quantum of Sonic (Solace)


Words Villainous (Movie Joker & Lex Luthor)


Dr. Who (Tenth Doctor)


Classic Sonic the Hedgehog - PS3 XMB Wallpaper

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During a recent session on Killzone 2 I began to wonder on the historical starting point for the Bo Bells born collection of Space Nazis called the Helghast so I began to look at them a little deeper and came to a shocking realisation. Carry on dear reader as I delve into the . . .

First lets take a quick overview of Helghast society.

1. Politics
The Helghast are a far right wing monarchist society, a political philosophy which would appear to have the undying loyalty and support of the general Helghan population.

2. Speech
All Helghast speak with a heavy cockney accent with the exception of Scolar Visari who is a bit posher and probably from Highgate.

3. Miltary uniform
The Helghast wear an all black ensable with bright orange illuminated goggles.

It was after considering these three things I jumped to my conlusion.

The Helghast are decended from London taxi drivers. How this happened is anyones guess maybe the minicab drivers forced them out, maybe the the coach laid on for Fulham football club supporters to go to away games got lost, either way we can begin to paint a picture of how early Helghan society was formed. After arriving on the planet they set about turning it into a home away from home by setting up a monarchy to run things without all of that Parliament or democracy bussiness getting in the way of dealing with any "darkies" or "pufters" who might follow them there and start stealing thier jobs or any women who might forget thier place in the kitchen. Once this was done a rudamentory system was created using bits of copper and silver from the change box and some old Kit-Kat wrappers found in the glove box that replecated the gray drizzly weather of dear old England. When word reached them that the ISA (or as the Helghast where fond of calling them during peace talks "the Blahdy Yanks") were colonising a near by planet they began to form a strong military force basing thier uniforms, in tribute, off of the designs for the great British hackney cab wearing all black with bright orange illumination.

So the next time you play Killzone 2 and see a Helghast taking the longest possible route to gouge a hole in the back of your head with a machine gun, it's not the AI going funny it's just genetic instinct.
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First off let me begin by saying Happy Halloween and I hope you all have fun tonight.

So yesterday it came out that Lost Winds creator David Braben got a bit of strop on because of HMV doing second hand games so I'd like to share with you briefly a thought on this matter.

Big deal. Simple as that really because HMV did pre-owned games once before and failed at it hard mostly because they couldn't compete with Game, Gamestation and EB (when EB was still around) on the prices of pre-owned games so you'd end up browsing what they had and finding a dog eared copy of The Bouncer for 35. In Britain now they will find themselves having a much harder time than the last time they tried this becuase the market is already full of shops that are better associated with the sale of second hand stock and are better at it.

To start with you have Game and Gamestation both of whom have been around for a considerable time and have a bigger base of clientel that will sooner go to one of these stores because of theyre familiarity with them, you've also got a small chain of independant stores called CEX whose entire stock is made up of second hand sales and they are branching out with some considerable speed. On top of that you also have the likes of Cash Converters and Blockbusters, both of which can be found outside of large shopping complexes of town centres, in residential areas.

HMV couldn't compete when a second hand market was comparitvely niche, how are they giong to cope now that the market is much more saturated?

Although I disagree with the beliefs of Braben and much of the big corporate games industry, game shops do need to reign in just how much of what they sell is pre-owned. At present the shelves are more full of second hand games than box fresh copies and getting hold of older releases that don't look like they've been used as a beer mat is next to impossible at times, extra impossible if the game was a bit niche (stand up Elite Beat Agents), double extra impossible if you want a PC game older then a year that isn't WoW or available on Steam.

Despite the shops going out of thier way to sell me someones used tat at 10 off the price, the staff in most of these places arn't quite so heartless seeing as most of them are gamers too. A good example of this happened to me recently, I went into a GameStation and inquired about used Guitar Hero 3 with Guitar for the 360 in the window for around 50. Upon inquiring the gentleman behind the till told me not to go for it as they were sellng Guitar Hero 3 and guitar brand new for the same price (not that the shop was advertising the fact) with a free faceplate thrown in.

++Bonus things++
First up a stop motion animated paper craft Megaman hopping and shooting around levels made up of food and random stuff.

I havn't played Megaman 9 yet and am not really a Megaman person (RE: I suck at Megaman games) but that BG music is very catchy, speaking of catchy next up is 80's anime style live action music video for the Black Kids song Look At Me (When I Rock Wichoo).

I saw this whilst sitting in a favoured pub of mine and was instantly won over by the washed out retro feel of the video and it's Battle of the Planets vibe, also: funky tune.[url][/url]

A class action lawsuit has been brought against EA and secuROM by a Mellisa Thomas, a resident of California, with regards to it's unsignposted use of DRM in Spore and the harm it does to the PC's of people who have installed it to they're hard-drive.

The case is outlined in a 37 page PDF file which details not just the lack of a heads up that you will be installing the DRM but also the complaints brought forward by the many many people who put reviews up on Amazon.com warning against installing the game bcause of it eating up memory and disabling essencial funtions like firewalls and anti-virus sfotware.

A succesful case against EA and SecuROM could prove expensive should other people effected by this choose to take simlar action.

Could this be the deatn knell of this whole farical DRM situation?

Amidst the hype and hyperbole of E3's opening moments a new video bringing the first real glimpes at the Red Alert universes newest waring faction, the Empire of the Rising Sun, was released (although mystifyingly only as part of Cashwhores E3 coverage.) In it we get to see the EotRS go Gundam on the Soviets and the Allies.

Oh and a new version of the series main theme "Hell March".

The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed the return of the Allied dolphin unit amid the unvailing of the new sides units, sadly though no visible Soviet bears.

So, I liked Red Alert 2. It's toungue in cheek B-movie storyline was preferable, to me at least, to the Tiberean sagas more straight laced sci-fi yarn and it infected the gameplay with a whistful charm. This looks set to continue with the Empire of the Rising Sun having equal parts an inspired and stereotyped design to thier units, in keeping with Japanese technological dominance here in the real world the EotRS has a much more futuristic look to it, all chrome and smooth edges.

Once again Red Alert 3's new move towards stronger sea battles is pushed with the appearance of a land and an air unit that can become a formidable force on the open waves in combat, with the very manouverable looking Sky-Wing capable of becoming a submersible unit although it appears in the video as nothing more capable than in a scouting or evasive capacity. At no point underwater does the Sky/Sea-Wing appear to attack enemy units.

One point of concern that I'd like to raise is that the King Oni unit fires what looks like a Prism laser. Those of you who played Red Alert 2 (more so the Yuri's Revenge espansion pack than the original game) will remember that if you attacked with even a small number of Allied Prism Tanks then there combined power ensured unstoppable victory every time. Hopefully the units apparently high cost will make it more like the Soviet Kirov Airship, taking along time to build and therefore never in huge supply.

One final thing is the occasional glimpses of a unit that is never addressed, the Dragonfly air unit that is fleetingly seen at 26 and 33 seconds in. I have no idea what it does but it's design has me intregued.

So any thoughts? What is you opinion of Red Alert 3's third side? Do you think that it will have a detrimental effect on the balancing of the game?

Sorry I know it's only a video but I just couldn't resist posting this. I mean his admonishment of "YOU WILL NEVER FIND TRUE LOVE" has to be one of the most outlandish things anyone could say in the circumstances.

Anyway I am working on an actual article of sorts that you will hopefully enjoy but I've been sidetracked by illness.

Also, Cocks.

Those of us who live and lurk on the rainy side of the Atlantic will be more than familiar with the rantings of right wing media that the White cliffs of Dover are under siege day and night by foreign types who want free Satellite television, a free car, cut price shopping at the tax payers expense and a three bedroom semi in Dudley provided that they pass the simple forms and checks to claim political asylum.

Well lets see if Nintendo's portly short arsed mascot could gain a British passport in a little segment that I like to call . . .

Here is the situation Mario jumps into a green pipe in the Mushroom Kingdom and pops out into the French end of the Euro tunnel, spotting some heavily armed Gendarmerie he takes his chances at the other end of the tunnel in Britain.

First off our boy Mario might be covered by one of the four freedoms of the European Union that, clearly as an Italian, he is entitled to the right of free movement (covered here by Directive 2004/38/EC
of the EC treaty) as long as he can prove that he is a student, self employed, an agricultural worker or a skilled worker. As we all know Mario is a professional plumber and possibly a doctor (though I've never seen his PHD) provided that those professions are on the Skills Shortage List he is top trumps for citizenship, however seeing as Mario didn't plan for this little excursion back to reality he has arrived with no proof of . . well anything. A stereotyped Italian accent and a pair of dungerees are hardly about to gain you entrance into the UK, couple that with the fact that he's been in the Mushroom Kingdom for the last 15 years and it is doubtful the Italian government even considers Mario Mario a citizen any more. Also explaining to immigration control that you've spent the last decade and a half or so "saving princesses from giant lizard kings and eating mushrooms that make me bigger" will at best get you a few funny looks, at worst some hospital time in straight jacket and a frontal lobotomy.

So what are Mario's other options? Well he could apply for citizenship as a stateless person however all of the options require him to have been of British decent and also Mario has to pay a fee (non refundable if the application does not succeed) and the only change he has on him is a few power coins, 6 golden coins, a few red and blue coins and one purple coin (like hell he's giving that one away considering how hard it was to get) all of which are not acceptable currency. He could attempt to claim political asylum at which point he will be placed into an asylum detention centre whilst his case is processed at one of the two asylum screening units in Croydon or Liverpool. Here he will be given his chance to plead his case to an interviewer, possibly citing living in constant terror of the Koopa regime, although with little evidence to support himself it looks unlikely that this will work.

Ultimately the authorities will ship Mario back over to the French side to be processed there where he stands a better chance of citizenship, whilst over there he might make a run for it and try to enter Britain illegally which some sources claim he stands a good chance of doing albeit these sources feature very little if no citation at all for their figures.

In conclusion the answer to could Super Mario; defender of the Mushroom Kingdom, scourge of the Koopa Royal family, race driver, tennis player, golfer, basketball all star, footballer, time traveller, skilled combatant, sporting referee, olympian and saviour of Mario World many times over, become a British citizen? No!

I'd speculate that rather like the last time Mario was missing Luigi will come looking for him to bring him back like the gormless tool that he is instead of leaving Mario to rot here and taking Princess Peach back his mansion for a "shoulder to cry on". The big tart.
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