That's right, b*tches! What the hell is with everyone trashing Ellis? Screw Nick, screw Uncle Phil, Ellis is the shit. Ellis has all the qualities of a great zombie killer: Absolutely no care for reckless zombie slayin's, youth, which entails agility, and a hat, which gave Bill a great advantage. He will kill ALL sons 'a b*tches. Nick is a guy too preoccupied with money. He steals money from a cash register when they're hiding from zombies. What the hell are you going to buy in a zombie apocalypse, Nick?! He even cares that he messes up his g*ddamn suit. Arrested Development references aside, he wouldn't last a day in a real zombocalypse. Neither would Coach. He is simply just too fat to outrun zombies. He's probably the reason they missed the helicopter on the roof, because he took so effing long. If the original survivors saw him, they would shout "BOOMER!" and blow him up.

Ellis also has many other advantages over the other characters. He is perfectly ripe for character growth. A small town, trash talking, redneck forced into a situation where his perky zombie killing veneer would soon fade. He would eventually have to come to terms with the world going all to hell. But that won't keep him down! No, he'll bounce back from that and see it through to the end of the game when...whatever happens happens. He also is the only one who is specifically seeked out by the Special Infected. They can obviously see that he is the greatest asset to the team. He's also generous, giving Rochelle one of the guns while she was looking at the map.

I don't understand why everyone is hating on the lil' guy. When this game arrives I'm going to dominate as Ellis. EFFING DOMINATE.