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The One Reason I Wish Valve Would Die
Heretic | 9:28 PM on 12.02.2008 73 comments


Now don't start tapping away with your cap locks on just yet (noobs who don't even have an avatar) just hear me out.

Dear PC Pricks,

I don't care. I don't care about your better graphics or your free download content. I don't care if you have mouse and keyboard becuase maybe just maybe I enjoy analog sticks. What am I saying I can't be a real gamer unless I use mouse and keyboard. Every single time a new Valve game comes out this shit happens. All the PC elitist (your a fucking elitist just by saying x game is better on PC) have a circle jerk and spooge on the faces of console gamers while laughing.



You say I bought the "inferior" version that's great I don't care. Why can't you just let me be? Every single time someone makes a Left 4 Dead article or blog the first thing I see is, "PC VERSION IS BETTER!!" The same shit happened with The Orange Box. Are you so happy that you own the "superior" version that you have to rub it in our face? We know we'll have to pay for new maps and stuff but do you really have to laugh at us for it. Maybe not all of us can afford a nice gaming rig that can play the new gamez!



So I ask you nicely PC elitist, will you kindly STFUAJPG? Please I'm begging you know one cares if you have the "better" version and really you're kinda starting to look like a dick.

Sincerely,
FUCK YOU I LIKE MY CONSOLE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU HAVE BETTER SPEC OR BETTER AIM BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY I'M HAVING FUN AND YOU SEEM TO ONLY HAVE FUN BY WAVING YOUR DICK AROUND AND SAYING NAH NAH NAH FREE MODS DURRR SO FUCK OFF!!



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63 comments | showing # 1 to 50

prev next 50 comments

mid3vol's Destructoid Blog
*pets*
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
I agree with this cblog.
Solgrim's Destructoid Blog
FREE MODS DURRR SO FUCK OFF!!

I stopped reading there.
Krow-Kupo's Destructoid Blog
I agree with those who agree with his c-blog. I'm also stealing your waifu.
garison's Destructoid Blog
I am also not a fan of PC gaming, or PC gamers. Consoles are much more my preference, you just don't have to deal with always updating your PCs components.

Also, does the PC have Rayman Raving Rabbids? I didn't think so.
Krow-Kupo's Destructoid Blog
Both, and yes that's K.
Puppy Licks's Destructoid Blog
Aye aye!
awkwardmongoose's Destructoid Blog
I have no problems with PC gaming, but sometimes I find it hard to believe they are getting the better end of the stick with money anyways. My friend used to brag about how much better Oblivion looked on his PC, his PC cost $3000, my console cost $300
Wedge's Destructoid Blog
Yeah um, the only people that do that are fgts like Cube that say the same thing everywhere, and it's unlikely they will ever stop. Then someone like Sharpless is all like " w/ever, my analogue stick brings all the boys to the yard". And then the cycle continues.

Besides, PC gamers tend to get the shaft in almost everything that isn't from Valve, so it's to be expected.

Anyway, just ignore it, it's always just avatarless fgts or trolls.
MatCD's Destructoid Blog
You just sold me on the PC version.
braulio09's Destructoid Blog
While I agree with this, your whole definition of an elitist is so messed up.

I don't know whether to love you in the bum or hate your guts...
pendelton21's Destructoid Blog
Heretic: That one guy who's right about everything
Krow-Kupo's Destructoid Blog
@Heretic

K. That works for me.
DarkTravesty's Destructoid Blog
i agree!
SilverDragon1979's Destructoid Blog
You want PC gamer elitists to STFUAJPG, except you actually stopped playing games yoursdelf to sit down and write this post about how you want them to stop complaining and just play games. Hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....
RonBurgandy2010's Destructoid Blog
I thought Orange Box on PS3 was good. There. I said it.

It does suck how, at least for Valve games, the PC version is better. Sorry, but it is. The Valve fans on PC get all the perks.

Doesn't really matter to me anymore though. I'm building a gaming computer.
Ninjasnake's Destructoid Blog
I do agree with you about how some people can be complete douches when it comes to them showering you in reasons why a particular game is better on pc but I personally do enjoy FPS games much more on the pc.

I do hate that some people spend 3000 dollars on a computer though when they could build that same computer themselves or have a friend do it for maybe 1500$ or even less depending on where they get their stuff.
jenkins1012's Destructoid Blog
My penis is confused to whether it loves you or your main waifu....hmmmm...
Neonie's Destructoid Blog
I'm stealing the girl you bang on the side brb.
Wedge's Destructoid Blog
$1500? My computer cost more like $600. An awesome video card and processor runs you $200 together, 2-4 gigs of solid RAM is as cheap as $50 now, motherboard, case, powersupply, another $200, then add $50-$100 more depending how much hard drive you want. There's a lot of stupid on both sides, like the people that insist gaming PCs are too expensive and you have to upgrade them all the time, which at this point, isn't really true at all. Because almost every game is made for console in addition to PC nowadays, games can't be functionally doing anything that requires hardware that hasn't been around for the last few years. You can get a computer for quite cheap now that's going to last at the very least until there are new consoles out.
Wedge's Destructoid Blog
And I took Bridget before you were born bitch.
Palidi's Destructoid Blog
bind "mouse1" "+attack;vocalize playerlaugh"

'nough said...
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
pirating is bad arghhhh what about the indie developers omfg you are a dick I hope you get banned asshole etc., etc.
ThunderHeartXI's Destructoid Blog
And the console VS PC battle rages on.

Fuck the people who have a different opinion. Fuck them.
vonneuton's Destructoid Blog
Agree with Wedge about the cost thing. I spend maybe $200 every year (not all at once) and consistently play the newest stuff on at least high settings at decent resolution.

I do, however, believe that bragging about your rig is a stupid MFing waste of time.
TheDreadHawk's Destructoid Blog
What ThunderHeart said.
And SilverDragon.

'Nuff said, baby.
MissHinasaki's Destructoid Blog
I has no moneys for good PC...



Why does Valve hate the pie?
Gangles's Destructoid Blog
I agree! Boooo PC elitism!
ace of knaves's Destructoid Blog
Hell fucking yes!
pedrovay2003's Destructoid Blog
Um... I'm a console gamer through-and-through, and even I know that all Valve games are better on the PC. I just can't afford a gaming rig.

It doesn't make the console versions bad, but Valve-made console games are never up to snuff. Well, save for the original Half-Life. That one was the best on the PS2, in my opinion.
TheCleaningGuy's Destructoid Blog
I'm with you on this one Heretic. At the end of the day, as long as a game is fun, I'm fine with it. "Superior Version" dickwaving is just stupid. Also, since other commenters took your waifus and your girl, I'm taking your ma.
ZServ's Destructoid Blog
I love my 360 and l4d is better on pc. And my pc cant even run it so i'm "not just sayin". But this shit IS going to far.
Redzie's Destructoid Blog
I have a girlfriend that I spend on so I cant afford a gaming PC...

Unlike some of those PC elitist pricks out there.
nebones's Destructoid Blog
yeah, fuck 'em
Skribble's Destructoid Blog
jealous?
Aziel13's Destructoid Blog
Dude chill
don't stoop to that level dawg
be real
Mushman's Destructoid Blog
Damn straight, I don't mind someone saying a game is better on a different console/PC but when they jerk off over it, and shove that supposed fact in your face, it's unacceptable, it's a step too far.

So, yes, I agree with this blog, it needs to stop..
ParaParaKing's Destructoid Blog
My opinion:
Mouse and keyboard is the superior control method.
Sitting on the couch and playing the game with a controller is way more fun though.
Timmeh's Destructoid Blog
You think one of the few developers who give a shit to go down because you don't like PC gamers? Okay....

I also love the reaction any mention of PC gets on Destructoid, I rarely if ever see the same kind of reaction to console fanboys. Then again I suppose the site is more geared toward console owners.
Vitamin Awesome's Destructoid Blog
Yeah, it's a damn shame that PCs really can be expensive and a lot of PC elitists have to justify that expensive purchase. It's very similar to a college graduate being very offended when they're called stupid (WTF, they spent ALL that money for a piece of paper that says they aren't, how dare someone call them stupid! Go ahead, try it, find someone with a BA in English or Liberal arts and call them stupid).

It's not unlike single-console fanboyism, they have to somehow justify that their purchase was the "right" one, with an unspecified list of requirements that make up what's "right". Also, this list is the beginning and end of all lists to be had, and therefore apply to everyone else, even those with different needs, tastes, budgets, etc. It's simply astounding that we can have such strong feelings over the most trivial of things. Saying apples are better than oranges, or that pomegranates are the real man's fruit. That's what it is, and I'll admit I've been guilty of it too. We all have opinions, but I do agree with yours, elitism is bad news overall.
Ninja In Distress's Destructoid Blog
once again, you have serious issues nigga. I have Orange box/L4D on 360(Gt: Lord Doku if you ever want to play L4D and are not going to constantly bitch like this blog post showcases), and TF2 on PC. The PC version is simply superior. Thats just a fact. You can bitch and pout and fall back on calling people who think logically "elitist" on your little c-blog here, but its not going to change the fact that you're still being a "jackass", jackass.
Freefall's Destructoid Blog
Well said
Ninja In Distress's Destructoid Blog
Yeah I read. Despite the fact that it looks like an angry 12 year old typed it, it seems you enjoy your console. Thats fine. The problem is when you become upset when ANYONE states that the PC version is better. I'm sorry if facts offend you, but thats the way it is.

Also, I'm stealing your girl you bang on the side. She seems pretty energetic.
Aertyr's Destructoid Blog
Blatant ripoff from Loading Ready Run(With edits):

"See, PC gaming is like this cake. Where my game is chocolaty both on the inside and outside, your cake is plain old vanilla. With no frosting. Except in this case, I have a PC... And this cake. And you have none."

Signed,

Your local Destructoid PC Elitist.
Aertyr's Destructoid Blog
By the way.
"I'm begging you know one cares"
Though I can't blame you. Consoles don't have spell check.


SurplusGamer's Destructoid Blog
Really?

Sounds like we're not the ones that need to STFUAJPG...
BigPopaGamer's Destructoid Blog
PC > Console

Enough said.
welkstar's Destructoid Blog
@MXYZPTLK

me too.
blehman's Destructoid Blog
I too think Pizza Cookies > Coldstones.

Wait, that's not what we're talking aboot? Fuck that then.


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 about me



Thas me :D



Mai ma.



Mai pa.



Thas mai cat Harry.



This is mai waifu.



Mai other waifu.



Girl I bang on the side. She loves me.

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