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Community Discussion: Blog by Haxan | Bad Die Job: A Darious Pickman Story (Part 1 of 5)Destructoid
Bad Die Job: A Darious Pickman Story (Part 1 of 5) - Destructoid

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Occasional contributer to Tomopop.com.

Random gaming facts about Haxan

Legitimately beat Mike Tyson and went through Another World Circuit undefeated.

Beat the original Contra without dying. Twice.

Can land the damn plane in Top Gun and can also refuel in midair.

Can't beat Ghost & Goblins without the level select code and has never lied about it.

Thinks Friday the 13th is a great game even if the physics, controls and weapons are garbage.

Mario Paint caused him to buy a Super Nintendo and largely leave his Sega Genesis behind. He has played it more than most video games and wore down the mouse pad so that the grid only shows around the corners.

Has beaten Street Fighter II: The World Warrior and Super Street Fighter II: The New Challengers on the SNES on the hardest difficulty without losing a single round. Multiple times.

Is still friends with the girl who worked at a local game store and sold him Street Fighter II nearly 17 years ago.

Beat Final Fantasy 2 in a weekend when he was a kid, yet can't get through a role-playing game these days if his life depended on it.

Has never beaten Final Fantasy VII.

Prefers pads to sticks.

Likes the N64 controller.

Prefers the Duke to the S-controller.

Doesn't think that Super Mario 64 is all that great.

Got an Xbox mostly for Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. And thinks it's a damn good game. Really.

Swore he would never buy a Game Boy Advanced SP, but immediately broke down once the NES edition came out. (And regarding the NES Classics series, true in-store dialogue: "Dude, are you serious?! They seriously expect people to pay 20 dollars a piece for games they can just downlo...Ooh! Zelda!")

Really liked the first Halo. (Well, there goes my dtoid cred.)

Can rock out Dynamite Rave in Dance Dance Revolution like it's nobody's business.

Played the hell out of Animal Crossing: Wild World and hid that fact from nobody.

Stomped Brad Nicholson at Street Fighter IV, but had to resort to the cheapest of tactics in order to do so. ;)

Thinks you're really, really, really smart. And pretty.

Top ten favorite games (in no particular order):

•The Legend of Zelda (NES)
•Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
•The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (N64)
•Phantom 2040 (SNES)
•Street Fighter II (any version)
•Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (PS2)
•Final Fantasy 3/6 (SNES)
•Ico (PS2)
•Sin and Punishment (N64)
•Picross (DS)



(NVGR)

I love drawing, though I realize that I'm not very good. I figured early on that drawing my own header art would help my blogs stand out. Thanks to Destructoid, and to the scanner that Carollelogram got me for my birthday last year, I feel like I've developed a unique style that's distinctly my own.

Outside of games I've got a DVD collection that is exploding out of a 5'x6' shelf (over 400 titles). So suffice it to say that I love movies. I'm a huge horror fan and I host an annual Dusk Till Dawn Horror Movie Marathon nearly every October. My top ten favorite films in order are as follows:

1. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (Il Buono, il Brutto, il Cativo, 1966)
2. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
3. Seven Samurai (Shichinin no Samurai, 1954)
4. The City of Lost Children (La Citι des enfants perdus, 1995)
5. The Apartment (1960)
6. Strings (2004)
7. Heavenly Creatures (1994)
8. The Big Lebowski (1998)
9. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)
10. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Music-wise, my top 3 bands are The Pixies, The Velvet Underground and Radiohead. I listen to damn near every genre of music (except modern country. I yearn for the days of Hank Williams, Sr. and Tammy Wynette). Hit random on my mp3 player and you'll get everything from darkwave to hip hop to 80's synthpop. I karaoke pretty regularly. I can't sing, but I surround myself with people who can. Still, you've not experienced all there is in life until you've seen me proper butcher True by Spandau Ballet.

Then, as for the literary interests, my love lies with pulp detective novels of the thirties and forties. Raymond Chandler is simply the greatest ever. And Dashiell Hammett is just fantastic. Lately, I've been reading through Frank Herbert's Dune Chronicles at Carollelogram's recommendation. Two books in and I have to say they're astonishing.

If you do the Twitter thing, Haxan1 is my handle should you want to follow me.

Feel free to friend me to your console of choice should you ever want to play a game of Street Fighter. Just be sure to let me know that you're from Destructoid and you'll get the royal treatment.



Blogs I writed:


Reviews
•Virtual Console Review- The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
•Review- Dead Rising: Chop Till You Drop

Front Page
•Other Worlds Than These: The citizens of the land of Termina
•Community spotlight: Haxan goes above and beyond for the community

Monthly Musings
•Instant Replay: Street Fighter II
•The Start of the Affair: Solomon's Key

Editorials and assorted articles
•Does the Wii have RROD-type issues of its own?
•Okay, Nintendo. I guess that we can be friends again.
•Niero, do you have any idea what in the lobster milkshake you have done?! (dtoid 3rd anniversary post)
•10 things you might not have known about Haxan (but really only 8)
•Why Destructoid is awesome: Nilcam is the greatest edition (I honestly can't give Nilcam enough props for this.)
•Christmas shopping: Non-gaming, priest dad-style
•Bad Dye Job: A Darius Pickman Story
•"Congraturation" RetroforceGO!
•Nintendon't what?! Now you tell me just what the %#@$ Nintendon't do!

Neat stuff I played a bit part in
•The Destructoid children's alphabet book

http://profiles.us.playstation.com/playstation/psn/visit/profiles/Haxan




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*This is part one of my entry in Conrad Zimmerman's Dreamcast Giveaway Contest (link here). **UPDATE: I won!** A little background: My Dreamcast died some time ago. Last year my amazingly awesome girlfriend, Carollelogram, lent me hers to use. Recently she reminded me that she will want it back someday. I'd like to have one of my own before then. So, I've decided to go way overboard on this contest. The following is part one of a five part story. I will be releasing one part a day between now and July 7th, when the contest ends. Enjoy.*



Peach. She said her name was Peach. Princess Peach.

I arrived to the office late that afternoon. I was suffering from a hangover heavy enough to make a Metroid sitting on your face seem pleasant. When I arrived she was waiting for me.

"The doorman let me in," she told me with a raspy purr. "He said you wouldn't mind." Boy howdy, was she ever a knockout. A body so smoking, you'd swear there was an overheated plasma rifle under her blouse.

I apologized for my tardiness, "My alarm clock fell into the bathtub. Lucky for the landlord I wasn't in it at the time." Not one for drawing out a conversation I asked what her problem was.

Apparently, she was at a club recently. Her ex-boyfriend, a large and mean fella named Bowser was treating her a bit unkind. Some greasy little guy comes in to tail him off. Mario, he calls himself. And ever since then, she can't get rid of him. He's been following her around everywhere. Calling her up constantly. Sending her love letters. It's become too much. Guy won't take a hint. It's scaring her. "Finally, after I wouldn't give in to him," she explained, "he stole something of mine. A magic star necklace. It's a very valuable and irreplaceable item. I need it back and I need for him to leave me alone."

"Sounds like you need a big brother, not a private detective," I spit out.

She walked up to me and leaned in real close. Close enough to make out the flavor of her breath mints. Close enough that I could see a small birthmark on her cleavage. "I'm offering you a job. I've got coins. And from the looks of you, I'd say you could use a few." She touched a finger to my tattered overcoat, disdainfully. Dames like her think they can say what ever they like to you. And they're mostly right.

"Maybe you should have just slept with him and gotten it over with. Wouldn't have been anything new for you, I'm sure." She reached back and rapped me hard on the mouth. Hard enough to hurt. She stormed to the door. Before heading out, she stopped. Without turning back to me, she asked coldly, "Do you want the job or not?"

I told her I'd look into the matter for her. Dames like her. They think that they can always get what they want. They're mostly right.

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
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