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About
Welcome to the blog.... you must be bored. anyway im Handy, I'm a student in Ireland and I'm here to talk about whatever may come into my mind....so not much then.

Lets see... I’ve been playing games pretty much my whole life, since my Commodore back in the day to my ps3 now I’ve been hooked. Actually come to think of it I can’t remember a time I wasn’t playing games. Can’t say I have a favourite genre, I like to try a bit of everything, though I will go to town on a good RPG. I’ll have something to fill in this space as soon as my life becomes interesting.

^^^ Seriously, I wrote that like four years ago and still nothing interesting has happened.



Like everyone else on Destructoid I’m at a loss on what to fill this space with so I guess I’ll just catalogue my greatest hits, if you can call a loose collection of lists and borderline pornographic fanart “greatest hits”.



Listmania – Because liking something isn’t as important as liking it in the correct order.

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs: Part two

Gamings Greatest Slinky Invisible Women with Huge Asses

E3 Approaches: The E3 survival guide!

Something about E3: 34 things you’ll have to hear soon

Lost? Lonely? Looking for Love?

Gaming’s worst legal guardians

Gaming DIY

Valentine’s Day, Shmalentine’s.....Shmay

Get a new look at the Gaming Salon!

Hatesgiving

The NPC survival guide

Game lessons that don’t work in real life



Fanart Flops – Because you must suffer.

Fanart Flops: Back by (Un)Popular Demand

Fanart Flops: Eyebleach, I Choose You Edition

Fanart Flops: Octopus Hojo Edition

Fanart Flops: Stop Raping My Childhood Edition

Fanart Flops. (Possibly NSFW)



Wankery – The terrible results of when I pretend I’m smart.

Dear Industry: I Am Not a Psychopath

Final Fantasy Versus Itself

Only Human


The culture Gap



Sargasm – Because I’m kind of a dick.

Darksiders 2 in a nutshell

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

How Dare You, Capcom

Death to Red Shepard!

How to make a sequel

Why FFXIII is the worst one EVAR!

The Scandalous Scam of Samit Sarkar!

In the name of SCIENCE!!!




Front page – When Destructoid has terrible lapses in judgement.


Top 12 Videogame porno parodies (NSFW)

Handy’s X-mas X-travaganza begins now!

Game plots that are clearly rip-offs

Comments of the Week: Busst Stop

Comments of the week: George Michael Warfare 3



Don’t forget Comments of the Week

Comments of the Week: Tinfoil Hat Edition







Just because.
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Handy
12:37 PM on 03.14.2012

Once upon a time there was a little shepherd boy who looked after the sheep of a village, the boy loved spending time with the sheep, you see these were special interactive sheep, he much preferred them over the other the other, more passive forms of farm animal. Cows had really gone downhill lately and he wasn’t that into reading chickens, no, playing with the interactive sheep was where the boys passion laid.

Yes, it’s going to be one of those awful metaphor blogs.





But one day he thought he noticed something amiss with one sheep, “WOLF! WOLF!” he cried, rallying the entire village up the hill to his aid, “What’s wrong?” one villager asked, pitchfork in hand, “This sheep has a gay option!” the boy said while pausing for a moment, waiting for gasps of horror. As the villagers retired back down the hill the boy was left furious and confused, how could the sheep ask if he was gay? How dare it! But the boy didn’t have time to think, there was more trouble afoot.

“WOLF, WOLF” he screamed. The villagers ran back to up the hill, perhaps the boy was mistaken the first time. “Remember when the farmer cancelled that Mega Man Sheep? Well now this other sheep has Bad Boxart Mega Man in it! Clearly the farmer is trying to personally insult me!” The boy watched the villagers stroll back home, he couldn’t understand it, why wasn’t everybody else furious? Did they not love interactive sheep as much as him? Why weren’t they livid at the farmer who provided them with all their meat, veg, and dairy over this convoluted and veiled insult?





Again and again the boy would assemble the village, “This sheep’s eyes are too green!” “This sheep’s ending didn’t satisfy my personal expectations!” “This sheep got 8 out of 10 from the Annual Meat and Livestock Review Association!” ”This Fem-sheep is blonde!”. He tried everything to get their attention, he would start petitions, claim to boycott the farmer, at one point he gave money to Olaf, the poorest man in the village, and said “Look everybody! I’m nice, now let’s Retake Baaas Effect! Change the ending!”

Then one day the boy noticed something, sheep were starting to come out with online passes, one sheep had enough wool for an extra twelve jumpers but the farmer was holding them back so he could charge for them later and make the fall line look more appealing, another had day one DLC that added a huge amount of context to the story but it was clearly cut out so they could charge for it, all sorts of genuinely dirty business farming practices were going down. The boy cried “WOLF!” as loud as he could. But nobody came.





“Ugh, there he is, moaning about some trivial bollocks again” thought the villagers.

“That little shit complains no matter what I do, why should why should I listen to this one?” thought the farmer.

“He’ll buy me anyway” thought the sheep, who was apparently sentient now.

Do you know why the woodcutter came to help Little Red Riding Hood? Because she didn’t accuse every old lady she met of being a wolf.

I warned you it’d be one of those awful metaphor blogs.
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