Hey you. Yes you. The one with the low self-esteem. Tired of seeing game characters that are fitter than you? Has all that doubling down taken you to round town? Well worry no more because with the gaming diet you can gain the figure of your favourite game characters.

We offer a wide range of diet plans modelled on gaming stars. All you have to do is choose the character whose build you like best and (for a very reasonable price) we will set you on the course to achieving your dream body.

Terms and conditions apply. All diets may cause physical or emotional distress, internal damage, bleeding of the rectum and/or death.

The Fallout diet.

It’s the diet of the future! Don’t those wastelanders look thin? The Fallout diet consists mostly of century old preserved food and Nuka Cola. Not to mention local delicacies like iguana on a stick, squirrel stew, mole rat meat and all the irradiated toilet water you can drink. If you live good for you, if you die at least you’ll leave a beautiful corpse.

Side effects may include – Radiation poisoning, loss of the will to live.


The Resident Evil diet.

Comes in two delectable varieties. Z-licious Zombie and Roided Redfield Raspberry. We’ve all craved the sweet tang of human flesh every now and then, and now with the Z-licious Zombie diet you finally have an excuse. If you prefer the biceps-bigger-than-your-head look, you need Roided Redfield Raspberry. Containing mostly raspberries, raw eggs, Jill sandwiches and plenty of “herbs” that totally aren’t steroids.

Side effects may include – Pasty complexion, death or extreme bouts of rage, shrinkage


Who cares if you’re dead when you look this good!

The Pac Man diet.

Back to basics! Pac Man’s so thin he doesn’t even have a body. How does he maintain this figure you ask? A strict regime of dots, the occasional cheery and ghosts. That’s right ghosts, they’ve got no calories, no carbohydrates, no fat, no protein, no taste, no use, no purpose and no value. Yum!

Side effects may include – Hallucinations of ghosts brought on by starvation.


The Quina diet.

You know what tastes good? EVERYTHING. Not everyone wants to be stick thin and that’s where the Quina diet comes in. You just gotta try everything. Grass, rocks, sand, monsters, Lindblum pickles, oglops, a lot of frogs and pretty much anything else you come across. Follow this diet and you too can become an a-sexual blob monster thing just like him/her/it/what the fuck is that thing?

Side effects may include – Extreme stomach cramps, talking in broken English.


What are you??? It’s like Mr. Blobby spawned with a lickitung.

The Streets of Rage diet.

Would you believe people throw out perfectly good chicken? Seriously, entire roast chickens, still warm and everything. Thing is, you’re going to have to beat up tons of gang members and poor people to get that chicken. This starts a vicious cycle of events in which you’ll go from chicken to fight to chicken and so on. This constant stream of protein and exercise will get you in shape, the downside being that eventually you’ll have to fight your way through a mansion or skyscraper and kill the kingpin boss and/or mayor to break the cycle.

Side effects may include – Salmonella, gang warfare.


The Chie diet.

Chie likes steak.......a lot. That’s how she keeps her fabulous physique. With the Chie diet you’ll eat all her favourite foods including steak, Junes grilled steak, steak kabobs, super steak croquettes, and of course fillet, fillet, fillet mignon. As well as delicious treats like meat gum. If you think this sounds unhealthy, you should remember that Chie can KICK GIANT ROBOTS INTO THE STRATOSPHERE.

Side effects may include – Clogged arteries, pathological need to kick things, occasional trips to the meat dimension.


STEAK!!!!!!

The Prototype diet.

Got no conscience? Then we got no problem! The Prototype diet is a little sketchy from an ethical standpoint seeing as it’s composed mostly of........people. But hey, you can’t argue with the results. The beauty of the Prototype diet is you are what you eat.......literally! Jealous of that pretty boy at work? Eat him! Like that lady’s sense of style? Eat her! Ever wonder what it’s like to be a badger? Eat one!

Side effects may include – Gravely voice, unnecessary revenge.


The Big Boss diet.

Mother Nature provides you with all you need. The Big Boss diet is unique in that instead of spending your money on healthy foods and workouts for you, we spend it on a luxury helicopter ride over the jungle. At which point we kick you out and let you fend for yourself with only a knife, a bandana, a mullet and your wits. You’ll get to try all types of exotic foods like snakes, tree frogs, glowing mushrooms, pet parrots, and crocodiles........... To this day no one has survived the Big Boss diet.

Side effects may include – Death by elite squads of exploding people, government conspiracies.


D’aaaaaaaawww...

And there it is. Be sure to tell us of any other game characters you want the shape of and we can make it happen for you. True beauty is on the inside but that doesn’t mean your outside can’t look good too!