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Handy avatar 7:09 AM on 05.04.2012  (server time)
Game plots that are clearly rip-offs: Part two

(One of these days, one of these days Iíll write two blogs in a row without getting sick and disappearing for a few months.)

Well, here we are again. After last times shocking exposť you think game developers wouldnít try to pull this sort of thing again, but no, it seem they think us all basement dwelling social recluses who wonít catch on to their deceit, well theyíre wrong, some of us are paranoid basement dwelling social recluses who read way too much into things.

Once again theyíve tried to pull the wool over our eyes, like a woolly jumper thatís neckhole is too small, well I for one will cast of the jumper, the jumper of lies, and march bare-chested through the streets in protest, unless itís cold outside, in which case I will wear a jumper, but it will be a synthetic blend of justice and integrity that itches with truth, not like those game writers, the woolly bastards.

In case you missed it last time, basically, game writers follow around other media waiting for them to vomit up an idea so they can catch it in a frying pan and tell us itís a lovely omelette they made us, or a creepy stalker who finds a discarded slice of pizza in a bin and fondly remembers it as a lovely date the next day. Read on to learn how they can rip-off others so swiftly that it would come as no surprise that most game writers moonlight as Brazilian waxers, which they do actually.

Gears of War clearly rips-off Sex and the City.

Two groups consisting of four people who represent the worst characteristics of their gender. The main character who constantly laments their dissatisfaction with the state of their world and life, yet somehow trudges on doing nothing but make it worse, thereís the friend whoís mind is solely focused on finding a spouse, along with the fan favourite loudmouth brazen one who seems to be overcompensating for their complete lack of depth by wanting to fuck everything, and the other one nobody really cares about, I dunno, probably cynical or something, itís not like I ever watched Sex and the City, or played Gears of War for that matter, but hey, since when has that stopped people forming opinions about them?

On the surface they might not seem alike, but once you swap out gratuitous violence and chainsaw guns for shoes and pretentious drinks with sticks of celery in them or whatever, it becomes apparent that both are two sides of the same coin, a popular coin that getís championed as deceptively deep and artistic by itís creators and fans alike because theyíre afraid to admit that they enjoy a piece of media that appeals to their more primal instincts, banging and....the other type of banging....with guns.......because they go bang.

Flower clearly rips-off Every Tampon Commercial.

I mean come on, did they really think we wouldnít notice? Sans the girl in the light flowing dress, Flower is nothing but playable visual imagery of every tampon ad ever put to television, itís just petals wafting around in the breeze, and dried up patches of grass springing to life again, or closed flowers slowly opening up in laboured metaphors.

At this rate Iíd venture that the reason all the Journey reviews are so vague about the gameplay is because itís really hard to describe a game where you pour blue liquid on different types of cloth to show which is the most absorbent.

Assassinís Creed clearly rips off Blackadder.

Mankind throughout the ages! A journey through history as we follow the exploits of descendants in an influential yet mysterious dynasty, who are all conspicuously identical, right down to unique features such as scars and moles. Set in time periods such as the Middle Ages or the Renaissance. The protagonists, always on the outskirts of historyís spotlight, their deeds influencing or revolving around the great figures of the past, showing us how the powerful and idiotic skew history to their favour and are remembered as greats. And minstrels who wonít leave you alone when youíre just trying to take a stroll.

Ubisoft? More like Ubi stealing plots soft of 80ís British period sitcoms.

Yeah, I went there. *sassy ethnic finger snap*

Fable: The Journey clearly rips-off Railworks 3 Train Simulator 2012.

Yes it is.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution clearly rips-off Final Fantasy 7.

So the protagonist works as security for this morally questionable mega corporation until a horrible incident happens and heís gravely wounded, said mega corporation take him in and turn him into a super soldier. Spend some time in a cyberpunk world where the immense gap between the rich and the working class fuel disparity amongst the people, he then travels the undercity slums where the sky is blocked out by a plate housing the upper city where the upper class citizens live and work for a tyrannical corporation, everybody worries that mankind is exceeding its grasp and going against nature with the use of Materia Augmentations, along with some cringeworthy dialogue from the black characters, a massively ambiguous ending, and then thereís THE HUGE MAN, WITH A GATLING GUN FOR AN ARM, CALLED BARRET!!!


I donít know why my eyes are the only ones that see the truth, itís a curse really, but the people must know! Destructoid is my megaphone, and just like every girlfriend Iíve ever had, I will press my mouth against her and scream as loud as possible till I get everyoneís attention.

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