PAX is upon us, the Destructoid social event of the year, where the whoís who of videogames come to rub shoulders and sip fine champagne out of hollowed out Mega Drive cartridges. And, much like any enjoyable social event, I wonít be there! But thatís where you come in, because I could be there in spirit, constantly hovering over your shoulder, ready to offer advice. The Navi to your Link, the Pip-boy to your Vault Dweller, the Otacon all over your Solid Snake.
Now, I know what youíre thinking, ďHandy, you irresistible lust colossus, why should I lug that heavy avatar around PAX?Ē. Well, first of all Ė come on you lazy shite itís only a piece of paper! Second of all Ė this is why
. But rather than explain what my avatar could do for you again, why donít I show you the results of its last trip to PAX.
Meet your fellow Dtoiders.
Camaraderie, friendship, compassion, acceptance.
These are things that will be lavished upon my avatar as you look on with jealously, but unless you are literally less interesting than a piece of paper then you too can experience the love that comes with a gathering of people from the best place on the internet.
Cosplayers will flock to you
Like a moth to a flame, I donít even know why. By bringing my avatar to PAX you could meet, no, you will be accosted, by scores of cosplayers. Your dreams will come true as you hang out with hot elf girls, Sakura, and even Samoan Ryu.
The first round is on me
(Suckers, avatars donít have wallets.)
Meet the staff!
Look at that. Thatís a picture of Hamza taking a picture with a picture of my picture. See? Weíre practically family! And now you can be too! Just take my avatar to PAX and the entire Destructoid staff will spend time with you, time that you can spend telling them about everything theyíre doing wrong with the site, they love when people do that.
While I am strictly anti-booth babe, I have no problem with twisting my moral fibre so a friend has an excuse to take pictures of a stranger with large breasts.
The robotic helm of destruction
Chilling in person but warm to the touch, the symbol of our mighty community, our green and red robotic head. With my avatar in tow you will have clearance to lay your hand, for but a precious moment, on the
Mr. Destructoid helmet. This is like our Mecca, which makes it really hard to pray to Ďcause they keep moving it around. A once in a lifetime opportunity.
The Man Himself
Thatís right, the man whoís to thank/blame for all the time you spend here, Niero himself, will be at PAX. As you can see from this picture weíre already BFFs for life, and have totally spent countless hours together outside of this one instance but heís really shy so donít bother asking him about it ok. Now Iím not saying that my avatar can definitely
get you hired as an editor, Iím just saying it can grease the wheels of success like whale fat on a unicycle.
[Disclaimer: Handyís avatar will not improve your chances of gaining employment at Destructoid or anywhere else for that matter. In fact, it will be a huge detriment to any employment opportunities you may encounter in the future, in or outside of the gaming industry. Youíll probably get fired from your current job as a matter of fact.]
A massive thanks to Elsa for taking these pictures at last yearís PAX, and sorry again for my avatars drunken shenanigans, innumerable advances on your husband, and vomiting in your briefcase, but donít tell anyone about that stuff 'cause Iím trying to get adopted here!