Chad Concelmo. Eh, he's a pretty cool guy. Loves Dolphins and doesn't afraid of anything. Unless of course it's a Shark.
I love Chad with all my heart, but sometimes that boy seems like he has couple of loose screws in his head. I've told Chad time and time again how lame Dolphins are, but he just can't accept the truth. Because he's been so stubborn about all of this, I've been forced to list the top ten reasons why Sharks are better than Dolphins.
10. Sharks will bite your ass!
Sharks will fucking eat you! Sure, Dolphins could (and have) eaten people too, but they play with your body first. You ever see a Killer Whale fuck with a Seal (relevant because Whales are part of the Dolphin family)? Yeah, yeah, Dolphins will save people, sure, but they will eventually give up on people if they haven't been found within a certain amount of time.
See, Sharks don't fuck around. They'll straight up eat you and that's it. They have honor, they don't torture their prey ... LIKE TERRORISTS!
9. Cancer is afraid of Sharks
Sharks can't get cancer as they're completely immune. They're obviously a step above the evolutionary chain and that is why they must be worshiped as the aquatic Gods that they are. And hey, if enough study is done on them, humans could find the cure for cancer! Sharks could be the answer to all of the worlds cancer!
8. Street Sharks!
JAWSOME!
7. TEETH OF DOOM!
Sharks got some razor sharp teeth! They're constantly regrowing teeth and can have 30,000 teeth in a lifetime. Not only that, but Sharks have their teeth embedded in their flesh with multiple rows of teeth. Why am I telling you this? BECAUSE THEY CAN BITE YOUR ASS IN HALF. If you survive a Shark attack, consider it an honor. You messed with one the most violent creature on the planet.
6. Powerful noses!
Sharks can smell you underwater. You can be bleeding miles and miles away and the shark will pick up your scent. If you're bleeding underwater, just drown yourself, unless you think you'd enjoy your body being violently ripped apart.
5. Sharks are movie stars!
Sharks are always in movies. You think Stephen Spielberg would be famous had it not been for Jaws?! Sharks have appeared in various movies from the 007 movies and much more. A SHARK ATE MOTHER FUCKING SAMUEL L. JACKSON!
4. Dinosaurs ain't got nothing on Sharks
Sharks have been around since the Dinosaurs. And they outlived the Dinosaurs in fact! See, as the Church has lead us to believe, Jesus went back in time and killed all the Dinosaurs to make sure people could live on Earth. He was going to kill the Sharks, but saw how cool they were so he left them alone. If Jesus was around today, I'd give him a high five.
3. Dolphins will rape you!
Sharks can't be trained! They ain't like them Dolphin bitches. All obeying their oppressors and shit. Sharks just want to eat and fuck too. They're not going to waste their time doing flips and shit to impress some humans. And Dolphins will fucking rape your ass. Sharks will just eat you. Now which of these are really the worst of the two? HMMMMMM!?
2. "I'm a shaaaark!"
The greatest comic strip in the world involves Sharks. Has there ever been a funny Dolphin comic? Nope. And this comic leads right into the number 1 reason why Sharks are better than Dolphins ...
Dolphins were previously land dwelling animals. They had to evolve for millions of years to be able to copy the approximate body of the shark because the dinosaurs were kicking their ass. (see fig. 4.), and sharks still kick their ass.
Chad, I love you like a brother from another mother, but, it's sharks.
Alright, it was close, but after reading all the reasons, I have to side with dolphins. Also, you should blame nintendoll cause her comment was disturbing enough to warrant a recount.
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Definitive tie-breaker:
Dolphins were previously land dwelling animals. They had to evolve for millions of years to be able to copy the approximate body of the shark because the dinosaurs were kicking their ass. (see fig. 4.), and sharks still kick their ass.
Chad, I love you like a brother from another mother, but, it's sharks.
i'm sorry, but Chad made that wicked dig on Dane Cook. i'm going to go with the fellow Dane Cook hater.
Alright, it was close, but after reading all the reasons, I have to side with dolphins. Also, you should blame nintendoll cause her comment was disturbing enough to warrant a recount.
I take back my vote for dolphins. Street Sharks ftw!!
But what about the manatees?
I guess this makes sense... sort of?
Now I'm just scared though. I don't want to go swimming in the ocean.