Note: We dont have these busses up North.

Its Tuesday the sixth of may and I’ve once again procrastinated myself into a worry. The sixth form ball is on the 16th and I still haven’t got anything organised yet. I’m in my mates car with three other of my friends and were going to the metro centre to sort out one of their suit rentals, I’m coming along to have a look and maybe set up an appointment. After coming out of the shop after having a look around and waiting for my friend to get his shit sorted I still haven’t got anything organised.

The next day I only have two lessons in the morning, on the way home I decide to call them up and sort out an appointment. When I get home I discover that I don’t know the number to the shop we visited the day before and I’m too self-conscious to phone my mate and ask if he has it ( I’m not a social shopper you see, in fact I hate it with a passion, which makes the latter part of this tale all the more annoying.

I look online (well, Googled it at least) and found the number. I take a couple of minutes to think of what I’m going to say as I hate entering conversations in which I have had no previous experience of the topic. After deciding that ill go for the outgoing yet confused student approach I call them up.

A guy called ‘john’ answers with a strong Geordie accent. Which isn’t in itself surprising considering I’m in Newcastle but the fact that it’s a posh formal wear shop and there’s a thick Geordie accent on the line makes me falter. You see I’ve come to accept that no matter where I go and no matter what I do I will always sound common due to the northern accent, oh well. Anyway I speak to him for a bit and he tells me how it usually goes down. I come in and get measured up and after selecting what I want they send the order out and have it ready for me by the fourteenth, sound. I get an appointment at half one as they may be busy he says.

At quarter to I leave the house only to remember that the bus that goes to the metro no longer goes through my estate and I will have to walk for about ten minutes to get to a stop that the number 7 visits. No matter though as we were and are still having brilliant weather. So I walk about a fifth of a mile to Lamington road ends only to see about two hundred yard in front of me the number 7 approaching the stop. I should point out here that I have and will never run for a bus, for two reasons. The first is that I am a lazy, lazy bastard. The second (which is the mistake that most people make) is that if a bus driver sees you running to catch him he WILL drive off, without fail.

So the bus pulls away without me, no worries though I’m leaving plenty of spare time just in case. Like I saw I hate shopping and want it to be as painless as possible. I quick text to my sister revealed that the bus makes the stop every 15 minutes, so I wait.

45 minutes later I call the shop to tell them I’m not going to make the appointment and organise a one an hour later, at half two. About five minutes later the bus pulls up and a short trip takes me to the bus interchange at the metro centre. If anyone has been recently they can tell you that its brand new and lush and cool. What I found particularly interesting what that the elevator music-esque of choice seemed to be the war of the worlds theme.

Now. I go to the electronic map thing and look up the shop. Right now I know where it is. The only problem is I’m now three quarters of an hour early for the thing and I hate putting people out unexpectedly. So I wander about aimlessly for a while. I go and get a chicken and ham bake from Greggs and instantly regret it as it has gone stone cold and the bottle of coke I got with it has warmed up somehow.

After half an hour of trawling the game shops looking for a one full enough that I wont feel self-conscious playing on the GTA kiosks I decide that I’ve had enough and make my way to the suit store.

I look up at the sign that reads “SUITS YOU” and I wonder how many formal wear stores across the world must opt for that name, seriously it must be the first one they think of.

I walk in and see that they are completely deserted and I see the fella that was sorting my friend out the day before on a ladder stocking shelves in a suit and waistcoat and the man who I assumed to be the manager on duty shaking the stepladders in a jocular fashion. I wander over to them and the manager type asks how I can help. After explaining that I have an appointment for half two he tells me that the guy on the steps can sort me out.
The guy on the steps takes me into a back room with a computer that he uses to enter measurements into and check stock etc. The first thing I notice about the room is that is icy cold. Which is a welcome change from the sweltering heat of the day. I do my best to hide my blatant social ineptness and mention that they must melt without the air con on. He agrees with me that they would what with all the snazzy gear they wear, and mentions with a sarcastic tone (In a humorous manner) that the manager let them take of their ties today.

He points out some variations of clothes and I go for a black jacket, white shirt, grey striped waistcoat and black bowtie. It more or less looks all the same to me but I know what some of my friends are wearing and it would just be embarrassing if two people shoed up in the same gear.

He takes some measurements and puts them into his computer then asks for the agreed £40. He explains that on the fourteenth I can come and pick it up and leave a £100 deposit. Which is fair considering the shit itself is worth a bit more than that. He gives me a posh looking receipt and cover thing for it and I walk out, glad that this epic adventure is nearing its end.

On the way out I stop at Waterstones and buy a bill Bryson book and Pokemon Pearl from game station for a fair £23 pre owned! ( I would have gotten the slightly less feminine sounding diamond but they only had full price ones at the time.

In the bus terminal waiting for the bus I decide that they must have a sci-fi elevator music album on as the two tracks I hear while waiting are the old star trek theme and the close encounters theme.


All in all a successful day though it took about an hour longer then it should have, about the same amount of time it will have taken to read this wall of text.

Fortunately I think ill take a taxi to the venue itself, I have to one to impress with a limo and I’m a cheapskate anyway. So the next act will likely be the event itself. I look forward to document it.


PS- I bought pokemon, so it relevant to gaming… Meh.