Fellow robots. I am about to share with you details of an event that happened not an hour ago. It’s one of those moments that undoubtedly defines my thoughts and feeling about the Destructoid community, especially certain individuals. Pictures will be provided for clarity though I’m not sorry for the lack of quality. My phone camera is mediocre at best and I was understandably shaken up.

I was just enjoying (see: enduring) some team tactical on Call of Duty 4 when my dad shouts up the stairs;

“Letter for you, Gavin.”

“How queer.” I thought to myself, I’m not expecting any mail.

“It looks like it’s from one of your... ‘gaming’ friends.” My dad said, not even attempting to hide the disdain in his voice.

I take the letter. It’s one of those bubble wrap lined jiffy bags. My name is written as Gavin “HalfLeft” Allmond in some of the most childish writing I have ever seen.

I open the letter and find this:



Hrm... I’m not really sure what to make of that. But hold on. This folded piece of paper seems a little thick. Perhaps something is inside it.

There was:



You people can draw your own conclusions. The following transcript of the Destructoid IRC will shed some light on the matter.


[13:52] <halfie> gandy
[13:52] <Gandy> yes?
[13:52] <halfie> i just revieved a letter
[13:53] <halfie> recieved
[13:53] <halfie> I was wondering if you knew anything about it
[13:53] <Gandy> really halfleft?
[13:53] <Gandy> what does it say?
[13:53] <halfie> i think you know what it says
[13:53] <halfie> ahem:
[13:53] <Gandy> How would I know
[13:53] <Gandy> I cant even afford stamps
[13:54] <halfie> "dearest Gavvie, I cannot wait to meet you in Seattle in September"
[13:54] <halfie> then there is a drawing of a heart
[13:54] <halfie> where's my phone?
[13:54] <halfie> i need to document this madness
[13:54] <Shakey1245> lol
[13:54] <%The_Young_Scot> woah
[13:54] <%The_Young_Scot> that's crazy
[13:54] <%The_Young_Scot> you're gettin raped
[13:55] <halfie> jesus christ
[13:55] <halfie> contained in said letter is one durex brand latex condom
[13:56] <Gandy> Wow, sounds like someone special wants to meet you
[13:56] <Shakey1245> considerate rapist that
[13:56] <Gandy> You should probably cblog it or something
[13:56] <halfie> gandy
[13:56] <halfie> please don't refer to me as 'half left' on letter fronts
[13:56] <Gandy> I KNOW NOTHING
[13:57] <%The_Young_Scot> why is that a problem anyway?
[13:57] <halfie> i live at home with my 51 year old parents
[13:57] <halfie> online handles scare and confuse them
[13:58] <Gandy> Well, if I ever send you mail I will remember that
[13:58] <+mid3vol> LOL
[13:58] <halfie> i'm glad you're amused
[13:58] <halfie> i'm terrified
[13:58] <+mid3vol> good
[13:58] <%The_Young_Scot> hey
[13:58] <%The_Young_Scot> free condoms
[13:58] <halfie> condom
[13:59] <Gandy> AND YOU HAVE UNTIL 2012 TO USE IT
[13:59] <%The_Young_Scot> IT'S STILL FREE
[13:59] <Gandy> THAT'S PLENTY OF TIME

PS: Gandy lives in Sheffield, the letter was marked as such. Also, he's the only one that calls me that.

Should I be flattered or mortified?

[UPDATE]

And then Shakey did this: