This side up [NVGR]

Ever since I was a little kid, my dad would always get me to watch movies with him. At first, I wouldn't even wanna watch movies "with people"; I'd only watch animated ones. I was just a kid looking for fun. Slowly, my dad started to get me into non-animated movies. And I'd still have fun. My dad had the patience to go through this whole process of mental growth with me, and he'd always pick great movies to watch.



It wasn't until several years later when my dad showed me my first Coen brothers film (I'm not even sure which one it was; I think it was Fargo) when something clicked. Something clicked inside and I, even if not completely aware of it, realized that this medium, film, had a lot to offer, much more than I had before known. And it was "all thanks" to these Coen dudes who I would later fall madly in love with. It was then that I gained a genuine interest in film; I didn't just want to pass the time. I wanted to understand film. I wanted to bond with it. Even then, though, it was a rather passive interest. I wasn't as smart either, so I didn't really get all the juice that the films I watched had to offer.

With time, my interest grew (as did I) and turned into passion. I got hardcore into film. I would actively seek film. Through another friend that shared this same passion, I got into more obscure and independent cinema. Later, I started not-downloading more movies from the internet; movies I had missed out on or that were too obscure to find, movies that didn't make it to the theater screen over here (which aren't few, really).



And now it's today and I'm as hardcore into film as it gets. I am now a huge fan of many filmmakers; directors, writers, actors, actresses, and even 'less prominent' men like directors of photography or composers. I have watched films that have blown my mind. I have watched films that have engaged and made me think me like few other things in the planet. That have grabbed me, that I have deeply connected with. Films that have felt incredibly close. Films that have felt amazingly well crafted. Films that have infatuated me with the grandeur that I attributed to them. I now appreciate way more things in film than I did before, subtler things. I’ve learned to appreciate movies in different manners and their different visions. This medium has made me smarter in a lot of ways. It has helped my critical thinking. It has increased my capability of interpretation exponentially. It has become an incredibly powerful art form that often transcends itself.



So here's what I want to get at. Film has become an amazing medium to me. Movies have been able to move me and connect with me in the deepest, most abstract levels. Particular movies could feel incredibly personal to me: the sharp mood of The Tracey Fragments and the desperation of Tracey Berkowitz; the impeccable comedic timing of director Edgar Wright in Hot Fuzz; the somber reaction of J.J. Gittes in the end of Chinatown. My favorite works are works that, for different reasons, feel so personal, so intricate. So reaching and in such potentially abstract forms. So in a way, these movies can carry parts of me. They can carry thoughts that they have given me or ones that were in me but I had never been clear about. They have parts of me, so I can feel represented in them. And this is what ultimately makes me realize how fragile we are in terms of individuality; individuality is undeniably the reason we can be social in the first place. It's why we can love and why we can hate. And it's also why we can feel terribly alone. Because when I watch a movie that I feel strongly about and, with joy and hopefulness, recommend them to others, especially to the people I'm closest and have the most in common with, I also tremble in fear that they will not like it, that they will not see in it what I see. I fear that that intrinsic part of me will remain deep inside, unrecognized. It's another form of the fear of being alone, "powered" by film.

That speaks to me about how powerful this medium is.