For months, the mystery of Dr. Boa has plagued the community and continued to perplex the minds of small black citric children everywhere, but today, I come upon you all to shed some light on this mystery.
In case you didn't know, or haven't figured out - I'm electro lemon. Of course, if you haven't figured it out up to this point, then you're batshit ignorant. But why am I just now admitting it when its been out there forever? Well, because today, you will all figure out who 'my father' is. I'm sure he's getting tired of that joke just as much as everyone else is.
The first clue I got came in the form of two things: This being the third time that Destructoid has gone all out for a Hudson sponsorship (third giveaway, at least to my recollection) and the fact that Dr. Boa not only has more time to blog now, but also to make a full-fledged vidjama game of his own accord. Either casual fridays had been extended to a weeklong thing, or he had stepped down from the position he was at when he first came to Destructoid.
The second clue was in his tagline for the end of every post he makes;
Dr. Boa may sound like someone who starred in some porn with Dirk Diggler, but his true passion is interactive entertainment. He's notched +15 years in the gaming industry from QA to launching several big hits, so he's got a healthy perspective on what goes on from the flipside. It's amazing he's not a jaded cynic yet. He's finally glad to see more drug filled parties with playboy bunnies and B level celebs like all other entertainment fields. Yes, gaming has finally made it.
While not much of a clue, it did give us more information as to his identity. He's been in the industry for 15+ years, and he's worked in quality assurance. A quick Google of these terms brings up another gaming industry; Jason Yarnell, of D3. Been in the industry for 27 years, and has worked in QA extensively. But upon questioning, Topher (aka the Retro Slurpee Tomogod) shot me down. Abased, I slummed back into my batcave for further studies.
This is when I heard something. Ron Workman knew who he was. And he let it slip once, apparently. And while I wasn't told who it was, I was told that they're liked by Dtoid. Fumbling back through the Dtoid archives, I found a 2-part series (which was supposed to be three part) in which Niero went to Japan and met with Hudson devs. Thats the key here. That trip to Hudson. But it couldn't be someone Japanese, could it? I mean, someone who has the proficiency to blog that often in English as fluent as head grammar nazi, Summit Soccer (also known to the community as the head Whömlaut) I didn't think so? So who could it be?
And thats when it hit me- A US Hudson representative. Someone mentioned an accompanying Hudson CEO on the trip to Disneyland. Could that be him? Should that be him? Well, if not, too bad- because it is him.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Dr. Boa. Also known as-
I'm actually going to start with the DVDDesign contest portion first. I went to Gamestop with ample cash (and brestz, lololol) in hand to pick up a copy of Lumines for the PSP, hoping to hack it for homebrew and the like. While I didn't find a copy of Lumines, I did find something better: many copies of GTAIV for the Xbox 360. Before you bring on the "lololol three-shitty" bullshit, you should know that I've been amongst that 5% to have gone without a red ring since launch, so I had a feeling that I could make it through playing GTAIV without suffering system failures. So I promptly picked up the game and took it home, dropping $64.94 on the counter and walking away with the game.
Now, you're probably thinking that this story will end with an RROD, which would make Vexed Alex & Negros Necros (sorry, Freudian slip) very happy. Of course, I'm going to end your happiness right now by saying that my Xbox plays just fine, as far as I know. Of course, I haven't turned it on, and for the most part, I don't plan to for a while.
Between exams coming up, the chemistry SAT subject exam in June, and me having to finally face responsibilities of a job (preferably at Gamestop; I love dealing with stupid people- to a degree, at least) and driving (Go to QuakeCon, Texans- DO IT), I figure I might as well take my parents advice and buckle down, though it has caused me to take the world's shortest hiatuses (hiatusi, hiati, Haiti?) in the past, that won't happen this time. I plan to stay on Destructoid, but not waste as much time on Dtoid.
So anyway- since I'm taking a step away from gaming, I might as well comply with DVDDesign's Grand Theft Auto IV competition. So here's my official entry into the competition. I'm going to subject myself to what some would consider torture for the sake of points and glory.
Now, before you accuse me of point whoring, lemme clear something up- I'm not doing this for the 100 pts in the contest. At this point I have no intention of trying to surpass Conrad or Necros. They're about 250 points in, squaring off against my measly 16 points for Halo and Rock Band. I have three reasons why I am doing this, though.
1. I want to shrug off this 'Obsession with Games' feeling.
Between both my parents and my friends, there's a general consensus that since I'm more privileged than some (yet not as privileged as others) that I must be obsessed with games. I feel that if people realize that I can go a month without playing what some will consider to be the BEST GAEM EVRER, then I 'll be able to preface that with "fuck you, I didn't play GTAIV."
2. Supporting Conrad, Dexter, and Necros.
Between a multitude of people going "Ohh, GTA, you so sexy, I'm going to make love to Liberty City (not related to Conrad)", it seems that Necros, Conrad, and Dexter are all stuck in what they might consider a bad decision. Rather than egging them on, I'm going to join them in their exploits, but I guess I won't end until around 1.5 weeks after they do.
3. 500 MS Points!
Dolla dolla bill, y'all!
So here's my entry. I'm going to enjoy this month of solitude.
MIRRORS EDGE PORTION: I would just like to say, regardless of what you thought of the Mirror's Edge concept art, you must admit it looks fan-fucking-tastic. And it looked even better as wallpaper. On your PSP, on your computer, especially on a Mac, its so good. Especially the one of Faith overlooking the city. Jim, please tell me you have a version of that picture that is unwatermarked. Destructoid apparently has the highest resolution of that picture available on the internet (1728x1050, as opposed to everyone else having the 1000x615 image) and I would love to use that as a wallpaper. PREEEEEEEEEEEEEZ?
Oh, and to everyone that hasn't seen the leaked XBLA game screenshots, here you go. Of course, there are spoilers, though I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.
Earlier, I made a comment on HarrasmentPanda's article about the ESA saying that it should be Dugg, because it was honestly one of the fucking most profound, well-thought out articles I've ever read on Dtoid.
First of all, I made this second post in case people don't see the other one. I truly want as many people to read that post as possible, and I don't care if its 'tl;dr', or you just don't feel like it; read it. Its fucking worthy of praise, and I can tell that HarrasmentPanda spent forever on it.
[EDIT: CTZ did it.]
Second of all; CTZ, front page that shit. If people are going to be so close-minded as to not read anything past the front page (industry insiders exempt) then this needs to be read by many. Spreading the word of the ESA can do nothing but help gamers who think that we're in need of a vigilante to go up against all the bullshit media that we must suffer through every time someone dies and has come into contact with a D-pad over the span of their life. Of course, thats not the entire gist of the article, but its one of the major aspects of it, barring video game legislation.
Second point fifth of all; Niero- Hire this guy as an editor. While I'm sure community comes first to Dtoid, I understand that you can't just hire someone because someone said so. So why should you hire him? Because he essentially brings to Dtoid a calm version of what Jim Sterling attempts to bring. No offense to Jim, but his articles on game legislation and the general controversy behind games always come with a side of biting sarcasm and cynicism, and while thats always welcome to me, it'd be great to get that type of news without any bias, like HP provides on his site, Laws of Play. Jim, I love your articles, and your angry aura on Podtoid does nothing but improve, but the way you handle news of the type Jack Thompson seems to employ seems far too cynical for its type. But seriously, Jim. No offense.
Third: Digg this shit. Digg it. Digg it. Digg it. Now.
But don't Digg the front page version; Digg the one from his home page, out of courtesy.
Prove that this community cares about its members. This article deserves as much exposure as possible.
DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying that its the best article ever written, and that he's better than every long article written, I'm just saying that this type of information shouldn't be restricted to just the Dtoid community.
This video was made by Dennis Liu, a digital cinematographer who's done a bunch of work with Nike on commercials, and while it might lead people to believe that he's whoring out the Mac system, I'm sure the same thing could be done (not so fluidly, mind you) on Windows with alternative programs. But enjoy. The song's a good one too: Its "Again & Again" by The Bird & The Bee.
[BONUS!]
Someone detailed the growth of a panda bear over three months and took pictures in each stage. Its possibly the fucking cutest thing I've ever seen. [link]
I just finished listening to Podtoid 52 a few minutes ago, and as soon as I finished, I had to just create my vision of the 'Blogocube™'. But this was just something I did quickly. Before the next Podtoid is recorded, you can probably expect a full 3D blogocube video. HURRRRR
NOTE: The reason you see Cashwh0re is because I didn't want it to be the Deca Sports Blogocube.
I made this over a month ago, but never bothered to finish or fix it. I'm too lazy to go back as well. So, enjoy.
NOTE: I want to do one of these at least once a week. Its not so much of a test of my skill as it is a challenge and just something fun to do rather than refreshing Digg for an hour to report all articles as inaccurate. Yeah, I'm that guy. So, what do you want to see in a video/flash? Anything. Regardless of outright absurdity.
Between After Effects continuously crashing, and scrapping 3 different ideas, this took a while. The voice definitely isn't the best, hence the video itself.
P&G announced that their D-LISH-US chip custom-designed for their new EXTREME PRINGLEZ has been shipping to Pringles since March. "We have been shipping well within this quarter (March)," said Ron Martino, director of P&G Technology Collaboration Solutions. "In fact, we have shipped a significant volume in this quarter."
So what does this news mean to gamers who have been waiting patiently for a release date from Pringles? Well, considering that Pringles has had their hands on a "significant volume" of one of the major components of their chips since March, some might speculate that the Extreme Pringlez™ could be ready for release sooner than the expected October street date.
When asked to quantify the speed of the D-LISH-US processor, Pringles' Martino compared it to Doritos. "Compared to the Uranium in the Doritos, it's 20 percent more delicious efficient. It also tastes significantly better. The key point is that it is Snackinium (II) Tastyide-based and custom-made and optimized for Pringles," he said (not really answering the question).
With this update and Pringles confirming the shipment of "6 million cans to retailers around the world between its launch in the fourth quarter of 2008 and the end of its fiscal year on March 31, 2009," we expect Pringles might finally be ready to talk release schedule during their event in New York City next week.
PICTURE CLUES:
Will Cock Sand Pine Wilcox & Pine Two of the actors of officers from CHiPS.
"To steal To trouble legally Mother" "To Steal = Rob" "To Trouble Legally = Sue" "Mother = Ma" Rob Sue Ma Rob Summa
I started gaming when I was 3, when my uncle took me to his workplace, and while he worked, I played Super Mario Bros 2. I instantly fell in love with the world of gaming, and decided to further my pursuits.
When I was 6, my parents put me in a daycare where I first got to play the Super Nintendo. We had copies of Sunset Riders, Aladdin, Donkey Kong Country, and Super Mario Kart, but every once in a while, one of the 'big kids' would sneak in a copy of Street Fighter 2, Super Metroid, Megaman X, or Kirby Superstar. That summer, I worked up enough money cutting lawns with my friends to buy myself an SNES and a copy of Animaniacs. I fell in love instantly. My parents even gave me 50 bucks to buy a game. Being the deluded, stupid child I was, I bought myself copies of Shaq Fu & Barkley's Shut Up and Jam! I even liked it. For a while.
When I was 7, my best friend got a Nintendo 64, and he bought copies of Banjo Kazooie, Perfect Dark, and Pokemon Snap. I gave him Goldeneye for his birthday, and we played the shit out of it for a week. Then my parents became worried when I complained that my fork didn't have a C-stick at dinner.
The next year, I bought myself a PS2 at launch by selling some of my other crap. It came with a copy of Madden NFL 2001, and SSX. This was when I first came to the conclusion that EA is a group of vicious & evil bastards, upon getting the realization that 2001 was the same as the previous year. The next summer, I got a Xbox for my birthday, and a copy of Donald Duck: Goin' Quackers (which, might I add, is a fucking phenomenally underrated 3D platformer.) I didn't buy many games for the Xbox, and the greatest I remember was Jet Set Radio Future, the sequel to one of the Dreamcast's greatest games. (which I did not play until my cousins got a Dreamcast, House of the Dead, and Ready 2 Rumble Boxing, complete with Michael Jackson.)
In 2005, I got a Xbox 360 at launch, along with Perfect Dark Zero and PGR3. PGR3 was for my sister, but PDZ was pretty good. Playing it later, I realized just how much it fucking sucked. Next year, I recieved a Wii about a week after launch as my Christmas gift, including near 10 games. I now have 3, only one of them the same as the launch games. (including Wii Sport. Goddamn, Red Steel & COD3 sucked.) I now have 21 games spanning 5 consoles, and consider myself to be somewhat of a hardcore gamer. Don't quote me on that though, I'm hardcore in spirit, but not in practice. Being a kid will do that to you I
