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Ten reasons why Dinosaurs are better than Sharks & Dolphins
GuitarAtomik | 6:31 PM on 08.26.2008 38 comments


I feel like this war between Chad and Hamza is a moot point. That's because in the end, Dinosaurs are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than dolphins OR sharks. This is why:


10.DINOSAURS HAVE SUPER EVOLVER POWERS
Dinosaurs never really disappeared, they evolved in to modern day birds. FUCKING BIRDS! You know what that means? Dinosaurs are mother fucking shape shifters!! There's no other explanation for that kind of adaptability. Show me a shark or a dolphin that can fucking fly.


9.CANCER IS AFRAID OF DINOSAURS:


Dinosaurs are immune to cancer because....uh...they pre-date it..........I think.


8.DINO RIDERS:



7.ON THE DINO RIDER NOTE:
This bitch right here: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------->


6.EQUAL OPPORTUNITY:
There's a different kind of dinosaur for everybody. Are you a vegetarian? Well you get the slow ass Diplodocus. Straight up ruthless carnivore? Get yourself a T Rex. Need some forest ninja stealthy action? Velociraptors are this way. Have a fetish for animals with three horns? Go fuck a Triceratops. Sharks and dolphins on the other hand only come in one flavor: tasty!....Wait, I mean they only come in swimmy fish-ish style.


5.NOT THE MOMMA!:


Because that show fucking rocked.


4.DINOSAURS MAKE BETTER VIDEO GAME MATERIAL:


I can think of at least 4 dinosaur video games right off the top of my head right now. Granted they're all Turok games but my point still stands. Besides those there are countless games revolving around dinosaurs, none of which I'm going to list because I don't feel like it. Moving on...


3.THEY PUT STOP MOTION OUT OF BUSINESS:
When Jurassic Park was in pre-production, they originally planned to do them in stop-motion but later decided that they were too fucking awesome for that so they made them CGI. This was new at the time and pretty much marked the end of stop motion as the dominant special effect method for giant animals...or something like that. My point is what other species can claim they destroyed the dominance of a special effect? Not a dolphin or a shark that's for damn sure.


2.THEY WAIT FOR NO MAN!:


You think he gives a fuck you need to take a dump? No! T-Rex doesn't have time for that shit, your ass is getting eaten NOW!


1.NO PLACE TO HIDE:

If you were dropped in to Dinosaur land, you'd get fucking eating. You can't get away from dinosaurs. The big ones will outrun you, and when you hide in smaller places to get away from those, the tiny ones will invade and swarm you, and when you try to hide in the trees to get away from them, the flying ones will snatch you up, and when you jump in to the ocean the swimming ones will devour your ass. If you want to avoid being eaten by a shark or getting raped by a dolphin all you have to do is GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WATER!


BONUS: BECAUSE ABORTO BEAT ME TO THIS AND I NEED TO ONE UP HIM BY 1:


His name is Tyrannosaurus Reich. There is no shark or dolphin that hates as much as he does.

/ARGUMENT



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38 comments | showing # 1 to 38

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NobodysDream's Destructoid Blog
You neglect to mention their propensity for Cadillacs, but you make some valid points.
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
Hey, I could go to 20 if you want.
Dexter345's Destructoid Blog
I'm sorry, Guitar, but you've been scooped!

Eh, really there's nothing wrong with two top ten lists about dinosaurs I guess.
Puppy Licks's Destructoid Blog
I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS BITCH!!!
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUKK! This is why I don't blog that often :[
BahamutZero's Destructoid Blog
sorry hamza and chad, I'm with dinosaurdick on this one
The Scientist's Destructoid Blog
I am promoting the Bowie Standard.

http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb307/pretty_circles/david%20bowie/ziggy%20stardust/tonguethen.jpg

That man's not just a fucking animal, he's THE fucking animal.
CountingConflict's Destructoid Blog
Yeah.. no mentioning of how Jesus rode dinosaurs? You slippin' dawg.

Other than that.. I'm on GuitarAtomik's side.
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
@CountingConflict

Like I said, I could go to 20......because they're THAT awesome.
Samit Sarkar's Destructoid Blog
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a paleontologist. I kid you not.
Chad Concelmo's Destructoid Blog
I have to agree with you. Dinosaurs are so amazing and resilient. In fact, I am going to go outside and tell one right now how awesome it is. I ... oh, wait ... I forgot ... there are no dinosaurs because THEY WEREN'T BADASS ENOUGH TO SURVIVE MOTHER NATURE!

I guess I will have to settle for a creature that isn't a giant pushover. :) :) :)
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
@Samit
I did too actually. That was the first thing I wanted to be until I realized that you would have to be out in the sun in the middle of nowhere all the time.

@Chad
I refuse to listen to your silly "logic" Dolphin-Man!!
taumpytears's Destructoid Blog
Dinosaur haircuts!
The Incredible Edible Egg's Destructoid Blog
I'm such a fucking velociraptor. Wait, can I get one for a mount? It will have flapjacks and hooker and jetpacks and shoot ninja stars from its nipples! Yeah, that would be so cool...
Jogn's Destructoid Blog
1) Tyrannosaurus Reich is the greatest thing I've seen in a long time.
2) Do want that dinosaur chart in higher res. Hinthint?
Chad Concelmo's Destructoid Blog
@GuitarAtomik,
<3 <3 <3
Puppy Licks's Destructoid Blog
Look, even Bea Arthur can kick a dinosaurs ass. Your argument is over good sir.
BahamutZero's Destructoid Blog
I....think Robotfart wins. surprisingly.
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
@RobotFart


Hey, I just found this image of a peg-legged toddler with hands so freakishly large he could barely lift them beating up a shark and a dolphin at the same time IN THE WATER!! HE HAS ONE LEG!! HOW DOES HE SWIM!!!!

Two can play that game...
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
Also, he is pants-less

Also, also, @Chad
<3<3<3
Gantz's Destructoid Blog
@Guitaratomik
I'm afraid you mean, Two got Pwned at that game.
Puppy Licks's Destructoid Blog
Wow, that's just plain nuts.
blehman's Destructoid Blog
Man...I miss dinoriders...
Gantz's Destructoid Blog
@Robotfart

Just Plain Nuts
GuitarAtomik's Destructoid Blog
Nuts like a fox
braulio09's Destructoid Blog
Win.
B-Radicate's Destructoid Blog
Hahaha.
Cowzilla3's Destructoid Blog
Cows can kick all of their asses.
F Whipple's Destructoid Blog
This wins because of dino riders
riomccarthy's Destructoid Blog
Um.. not only did you have Dino Riders you had the freaking Dinosaurs show. You're SO getting a high five from me in a couple days. :P
Skribble's Destructoid Blog
dude, JP was mostly animatronics and thats why it looked fucking awesome. Only full bodied shots with motion involved CG. But still, i sex this post.

Also King Kong was an awesome game and that had dinosaurs up the wahzoo.

up the wahzoo hahah

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME DINO RIDERS!

also does anyone remember that episode of DINOSAURS where they eat those mushrooms/plants and start tripping balls? I should download me some DINOSAURS

and now its back to work

*readys noose*
Justice's Destructoid Blog
Dinosaurs are dead.
Aziel13's Destructoid Blog
10,9,8,7,4,3,2,1 valid points

Justice look at reason 10

they are Fecking everywhere
SilverDragon1979's Destructoid Blog
I honestly can't believe there was not a SINGLE MENTION of Dino Crisis in this blog. Shame Shame!

PwnyBownz's Destructoid Blog
11. Humans have a reptilian hind brain. Hence, the beast still lives through us and our very sharp canines and penchant for bloody warfare. As well, our racial memories insist that dinosaurs remain relevant while sharks are always pwned by Roy Scheider (who has a reptilian hind brain), and dolphins are relegated to the dominion of "best friend" to children named Bud.
You got better at blogging. Well done. I'm only here to scope this bitch out before we take it over.
flaakmonkey's Destructoid Blog
that show dinosaurs was awesome.
ceark's Destructoid Blog
Go fuck a Triceratops

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

taco meat.
Remo's Destructoid Blog
That scene in JP scared me as a child.


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