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Community Discussion: Blog by Gray Times | I coulda been a contender- My top ten beat em up "also rans"Destructoid
I coulda been a contender- My top ten beat em up "also rans" - Destructoid




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English bloke. Binge drinker and ASBO gamer. Player of old games and new, I like tattoos, strong drinks, loud music, Scottish sun sets and traveling. I am also Determined to convince people of the merits of Fox McCloud's' thousand yard stare.


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For all your Ryu's, Forrest Law's and Ivy's there are some unsung heroes that also went for the warriors crown. Here are my top ten fighters who could'a been contenders if they'd only been given a fair chance.
Clay Fighter's Helga


A curvaceous opera singer from the great north made completely from clay, Helga had all that was needed to make it as a legendary fighter. When she isn't encouraging others to improve their body self image she would be performing moves such as the Arm pit of Doom and the Viking ram.
A strong independent woman with a nontraditional sexiness, Helga was let down mainly due to being stuck in a pretty crappy game. It's a shame as she was a great character.

Rakuga Kids 'Mamezo 



If you've got a N64 And don't have a copy of Rakuga Kids your really missing out on some absolutely mental fun. A cartoon beat em up based around the imaginations of children. And none of the characters sum up that brilliant idea quite as well as the villainous and bully character of Mamezo. A wild Machiavellian rogue with a kick ass green cape, he summons rockets and household items to assault the other characters.
But none of this compares to his taunt... He blatantly showing his buttocks to the player complete with wiggle. Nothing quite infuriates like a good ol' moon. Mamezo was a wonderful character, and it is with a sad heart he is remembered by only a few faithful to ridiculous slapstick violence.

Primal Rage's Sauron



Ahhhh Sauron, the god of hunger and thirst. According to your wiki your a "good guy" but as far as if can see your just a very large T-Rex. I suppose it wouldn't really be fair to have standard humans going up against a dinosaur, but it would still be nice to see this highly unoriginal member of the Primal Rage crew brought back for another violent romp. I would definitely shell out a couple of bucks to see a dino god tearing off Shang Tsung's head. Or actually just footage of Sauron doing basic household tasks would be plenty funny.

Virtua Fighter's Goh



YEAH! We definitely need more Virtua Fighter in our lives. And as an additional addendum we definitely need more goth fighters such as the mighty Goh. The assassin with a deep and profound love of the Cure, was always my favorite character, I like the way he stood out like a sore, clearly deranged thumb in the Virtua Fighter line up, let's hope he's cracking skulls again if there's ever another offering.

Ready to Rumble's "Big" Willie Johnson



Good show old bean! Nothing causes more enjoyment for me than a comedy Brit in a video game and "big" Willie Johnson might just be the best. Rubbish at fighting but hilarious to use, he has an amazing mustache and the gumption to go ten solid rounds.
I haven't seen much about a new ready 2 rumble, but I would definitely love to see "big" Willie back in style.   Even just to see him do that wind up fake punch one last time.

Destrega's Raone



Destrega made a little impact back in the Ps1 era (though this may be wrong, 98 is one go my "lost" years) it has an interesting take on the fighting genre with an increase in risk and reward and a decrease in traditional skill. No one else in the cast was anywhere near as memorable as Raone. Filling the "big boss right hand man" role, it was his crazy eyes and frankly hilarious hat that sticks in my mind. History may have forgotten this also ran, but I refuse too.

MK Armageddon's Meat



Oh Meat! You truly personify the completely balls to the wall madness that the PS2 era mortal kombat represented. Actually on second thought, Meat and MK Karting are about equal in the "look I've jam in my trousers" scale. A Normal guy with no skin, armed with a meat cleaver. That's pretty much all you need to know about Meat, literally no effort was put into him at all. And this is shame, as he has the capacity to be a great MK character, getting the right divide between totally creepy, and slap stick ridiculous. Fingers crossed for him in MKX.

Power stone's Jack



You may have noticed from my list I do quite like my weirdos, and so with great love and respect let's hear it for jack. Possibly a hundred years old, perhaps he's 40, he can run on the tips of his knifes and can change into a clown. Look at him, just soak up the sheer mental 3am decision nature of Jack. Wrapped in bandages because being wrapped in bandages is cool. He's almost like a combination of our last two heroes....

Fighters Destiny's Pierre



Clowns suck. Fact. I have never met anyone who genuinely enjoys the company of clowns. Perhaps other clowns, but that's about it. Enter Pierre, the French clown with a perchance for kicking the fuck out of people. Like a chubbier Pennywise, he walks the line between creepy and just plain hilariously bad. It seems that for a period in the late nineties you couldn't have a least one clown character and one covered in restraints which leads us nicely too...

Soul Callibur's Voldo



Okay so he's been in all the soul callibur games so far, but really compared to Cervantes and ivy, Voldo is just in his own league. Both creeping out players and in all possibly awakening hidden sexual desires. He should be the true star of the series, adorning box art with his mouth piece and blind fold. You want to stop kids playing violent games? Put this dude on the cover! If you not completely convinced, remember he sometimes kicks seventeen shades of brown out of his opponents with a set of tambourines. TAMBOURINES! Nuff said.

I've stuck to favorites from my own collection of games, do you have any unsung violence dealers that don't get enough attention? Let me know! If we end up duking it out though, You have to let me fetch my bandages, mouth piece and clown make up. 
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