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About
English bloke. Binge drinker and ASBO gamer. Player of old games and new, I like tattoos, strong drinks, loud music, Scottish sun sets and traveling. I am also Determined to convince people of the merits of Fox McCloud's' thousand yard stare.


haunting


I look like this in my mind:



I actually look like this:



I've changed my avatar to Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, I look a little like this in real life...


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Seriously not safe for work, not for content, but your colleagues might look at you weird from now on... 

BDSM, or bondage, domination, sadism and masochism is everywhere. It really is, you’d be surprised by how many different relationships, sexual fetishes or fantasies revolve around these core concepts. I am by no means an expert, but I believe there are elements of BDSM in video games.

Not everyone likes their love with a side helping of kink, but if there’s one videogame forum that likes to stare straight into the darker areas society its my beloved Destructoid. By its very nature BDSM is divisive and can be some what exclusionary. It is often misrepresented in the media as the practises of deviants, perverts and those with daddy issues, something that irritates me deeply on a personal level. BDSM and those who practise it are mostly perfectly normal people, just with a few extra kinks in the way they express their love for each other. Monstrous villains who love crushing the skulls of the weak whilst dressed in leather straps need not apply; this is my top 5 BDSM relationships in gaming.

Super Meat Boy is a masochist. 

Masochism is a form of BDSM where upon the masochist receives pleasure be it sexual or otherwise, from suffering pain in a specific way. As with any kink, it is completely up to interpretation. Some like to be hurt, some like to put themselves through punishment for their Dom, some just like to be punished by their Dom, and some are just adrenaline junkies that thrive on the flood of endorphins that pain and exhaustion release. (see also marathon runners… though there’s less bonners)

I love Super Meat Boy, partly because its brick hard, but also because it has such a simple and graceful goal at the end of it. Consider this: Meat Boy throws himself through a gauntlet of violence, death, danger and blood all to get to his Bandage Girl. When they are united he is rewarded with a brief embrace, before he does it all again. Over 300 hundred times. Remember Meat Boy has no skin…. as he runs and slides he leaves a trail of blood and meat juice behind him… just let that soak in. ever movement must cause him agony, without even considering the risk of death that is around every obstacle. But that wee cheeky chappy embraces every moment, all worth while to save and embrace his lover. A warped love story, and a true masochist whose grown to love the pain, and will do what ever it takes to please his bandage girl.

Bayonetta is a Sadist

Sadist and sadism are words that stem from the infamous Marquis De Sade of 18th century France. A pretty warped dude was De Sade, penning some seriously blood chilling prose that mainly feature sex and death. Sadism now is primarily someone who receives pleasure from causing pain and discomfort in others within strict parameters. Often these are cruel or unusual, unprovoked or unnecessary. A Sadist will reflect their darker desires on to others, for their own amusement and pleasure.

And if that doesn’t sum up our favourite hair clad heroine I don’t know what does. In the first Bayonetta she looses her memory, and yet her sadism is so ingrained that she still knows that she enjoys (and benefits from) elaborate tortures and cruelties. This punishments and tortures are tailored to her whims, often involving elaborate set pieces she can conjure at will (jealous!) Also a true sadist is well aware of the attention they crave, as they need others to indulge their passions. Bayonetta’s knowing looks and lollipops for example, imply that she enjoys being the centre of focus, and lavishes the power that she has. A true Sadist, and a great one at that. 

Nathan Drake is a brat

I mean, of course he is a brat, anyone who has had the pleasure of the Uncharted series knows that Nathan is a brat. But in the kinky context of the BDSM world, his actions could possibly be because of a certain longing. See a brat is usually considered to be someone of a submissive nature, but who acts out for attention and discipline. A troublemaker really, and someone who enjoys being the cause of that trouble.

So is this the real reason for Nathan’s constant acting out? possibly! It would explain why he’s constantly making things worse, constantly causing trouble and constantly murdering hundreds of people. If only Sully or Elena would tell him “NO!” and tell him to behave, then things would be much more peaceful for all involved. Particularly of interest is that Nathan has fabricated his childhood, thinks aloud and shows little remorse or concern for others as a result of his actions. These childlike attitudes point towards the brat, as they wish to be treated like a naughty school boy, rather than a fully grown man. These unnecessary complications that Nathan happily piles on himself and his friends cause me to wonder what exactly he’s been searching for all these years. It might just be someone to tell him to behave.

Tom Nook is a Financial Dom. 

A financial Dom is pretty much self explanatory, someone who indulges in a relationship with another willing partner, which involves fiscal constraint. This can be someone who controls the others spending, requests lavish gifts or makes the other live in poverty for their own and their sub’s enjoyment.

Tom Nook, the cute little dude who give you your first mortgage is a shark. Don’t be fooled by his pleasant demeanour, this is a creature who relishes the fiscal purgatory he puts the villager under. Just like a true Dom, he baits and teases you with the promise of improvements and extensions, only for the villager to be forced into even more dire straights. All the money raised and paid to Mr Nook seems to evaporate, as if the real aim of that wretched mammal is to watch the villager struggle on the end of his financial hook. Still, whatever creams your twinky I suppose, the villager never looses that smile of his so I guess he enjoys the financial servitude.

Voldo is a 24/7 submissive.

Again this one is quite self explanatory, a 24/7 sub enjoys the servitude and dedication of their master or Dom on a constant basis. Many kinky people love to play around now and then, but few can (or want to) commit 100% of the time. Work, for example can get in the way. So committed to this lifestyle, some 24/7 subs will change their bodies and eventually their minds to please their master.

And that’s our Voldo! A definite favourite from the Soul Calibur series, Voldo fights with a mixture of contortionist, fetishism, martial arts and go go dancer aesthetics. Clearly clad in bondage style clothing, he battles without sight as his eyes and mouth are always covered. Its very easy to take one look at Voldo and mark his as a freak and a weirdo, but this blog is about kink, and we don’t stoop that low. Voldo is so committed to his lifestyle that he has adapted to fight without sight, now that IS commitment. But what makes Voldo my favourite video game fetishist is the ending to Soul Calibur 2. Upon victory Voldo "welcomes his moment of bliss" like a true sub, Voldo savours his moment before thinking of his master. Using the power of the Soul Edge he resurrects his fallen master, having fought and and risked death to reach that point, where upon he vows to protect his master for all time. Despite being a strange man, Voldo relishes his servitude, but all that he endures and all that he goes through is because of love. Love for his master, and love for his place by his side. A beautiful thing, despite being wrapped up in a kinky outer shell.

BDSM is everywhere, but at its core is respect, care, love and truthfulness. I hope this little blog has given you a new perspective when viewing your videogame heroes, we all have our individual motivations, some filthier than others.

Bizarre capitalization is to give roles their appropriate respect... Its a thing, look it up! 









Its time we took a stand. Its time to stand up and make our voices heard, its time that those same voices build into a chorus that is heard the world over.

 

We don’t need your shitty tutorial sections anymore.

 

Really we don’t. We’re all pretty good at this now, if 4 year olds are better with Ipads than their parents, we definitely don’t need to be told how to move and look around in video games.

Oh I get it, I see the logic of including these sections. Some argue it’s for first time players so they can get to grips with the way an FPS, 3rd person or driving game works. We all had to learn once, and we all were sorta rubbish at it the first time. I remember my first attempt at mouse/keyboard control… well let’s just say Quake’s floor art got scrutinised involuntarily.

But! I got the hang of it, by trying and failing. No amount of “use the right stick to control the camera” makes someone a lethal circle strafing machine. All it does is delay the beginning of the game for seemingly no real reason. We have reached a point now in the evolution of gaming that the vast majority of us know how to interact with the software without much prompt. An FPS has fairly predictable controls, ones that have evolved, but haven’t really changed since Doom. Sure, minds were blown when Goldeneye 007 introduced sniper scopes and head shots, but the core of move, duck, jump and look has been locked in for twenty years.

Russian face lifts leave a lot to be desired...

If FPS and 3rd person are on one hand, on the other some guided help to begin with is much needed. Final Fantasy and X co would both be painful cluster fucks if it wasn’t for the gentle introduction that these games provide. But the difference here, is that they are indeed complicated games. Even for the most seasoned RTS-er or RPG-er there are always new things to learn or intricacies that have to be developed and matured before the player is allowed to play with wanton abandon. In these sorts of games, where complication, tactics and information are common place, a gentle intro is preferred.

But this same approach should not be used for ALL games. Take two fairly recent examples of excellent player guidance. Alien Isolation and Resogun.

Alien Isolation embraces the “learn by doing” ethos that taught a generation to rocket jump. Ripley is free to wander around her space ship, completely safe as the player begins to get to grips with her running speed, inexplicable inability to jump and how to interact with items in the world. Simple cues appear on screen showing the player what can, and can’t be achieved. Gradually we figure out about maps, save points and crafting, all in our own time, and all without much prompt. It’s a simple approach, but one that does not patronise the player, giving you the feeling that you’re off on your adventure already.

press X to shit your drawers.

Resogun goes for a very different tack, but one that works equally well. As a frantic high octane shooter, a guided section would give a false sense of the game. Rather whilst it loads you’re given a flash of the controls. Some of which make little sense. “Throw human” seemed somewhat bizarre at the outset, and it wasn’t until a solid half hour of game play did that begin to make sense, let alone come in handy. But that fits with the style of the game, a game in which you will loose and die over and over again, all the while understanding fractionally more of what is going on. Like Pac-man, the eye is drawn to the different colors and shapes, and with practise and a little time the pieces come together to prepare you for the game at hand. Resogun teaches the player through trial and error, so when you get good, you get good because you earned it. Not because you were spoon fed how to succeed. 

There is one caveat to this humble rant. Which is when a tutorial adds to the overarching world and story line. For example the Half Life expansion pack, Half-Life: Opposing Force placed you in the boots of a low level grunt running the gauntlet of boot camp, complete with bellowing training sergeant. It added to the atmosphere and to the character that the player inhabited. No easy feat considering this was one of Valve’s silent protagonists. But the inclusion of this section improved the game and made sense in context, also proving to be good fun. If we had been taught how to run and shoot whilst the aliens massacred our brethren, it would have removed all sense of atmosphere and tension.

While there is a place for training scenes, please stop patronising us, we get it. Unless you can justify it and it adds to the quality, just leave it out. Sure we might die a few times, but I’ll thank you for improving the flow of the scene. 









How lovely was that wee update from Niero? There has been some losses within the Destructoid community recently, but the thing i love dearly about this site is that no matter what happens the community rallies and we continue to have fun, continue to argue like drunk beavers and of course we know when to STFUAJPG!

 However, I've been a reasonably active member of the community when i can, and i have a few little ideas for the team. I'm not going to go down the "Dtoid sucks now!" road, as i don't think that at all. But as someone who works hard and is unable to be constantly active, but really appreciates regular additions, I think there are a couple of small changes and ideas that might benefit everyone.

Dtoid mammies and daddies- I'm not trying to step on your toes at all i've no idea how a website works- these are just ideas. Thank you for all your hard work.

 MORE PROMOTED COMMUNITY BLOGS

I got promoted to the front page once. It was that piece about video game tattoo etiquette. It was such an amazing feeling not only to receive the support and praise from the community, but also to have something i'd written provoke discussion, debate and communication. People were showing pictures and stories of their tattoos, it was pretty sweet.

There are regularly some amazing articles being loaded onto the community blogs. Some of them do require a proof read and a tidy up, but the content of them shines through. I would love to see more being put forward, opinions, stories, artwork, music... pretty much anything promoted. It gives the community that lovely warm feeling to see their work put forward, and it will mean more clicks for the Dtoid coffers. Mr Andy Dixon does an amazing job, but sometimes great works sink without a trace despite being upvoted a good few times.

 

MORE VARIETY IN THOSE PROMOTED/ENCOURAGED

We all come from a million different countries, backgrounds, races, sexes, classes and political views. So it would be fun to see some more stuff about the community, what they're into, what their other passions were. The ten things... and the ten fetishes blogs were SO cool as we could touch on other things that matter without detracting from our overwhelming love of videogames.

 It builds communities, and it offers us all a quick 5 minute read we can fit into our working day. its also a fun way of getting to know each other and to get us talking about other issues despite games. As games and internet culture go hand in hand, we can merge them to get us talking about all sorts. I don't just mean gamergate and the portrayal of women, we could be talking about other issues that matter to us.

 

COLUMNS-NOT JUST A SEGA VERSON OF TETRIS

Who remembers "the memory card" series? i adored it. many hours were spent reminiscing over some gamings great moments. It picked moments that i had forgotten, moments that i'd never experienced and moments that i remember fondly. Some of the Dtoid staff as well as some of the more prolific bloggers could begin writing columns with regular promote dates.

It would ease some pressure on slow news days, because the full time staff would know Occams column on gamings best invisible walls was ready to print or RedNeckPeak will be dropping another great observation. Plus, it would make finding new writers easier, as it would give normal bloggers a chance, without overwhelming them and getting in the way of their careers or commitments.

 

PUBLISH AT DIFFERENT TIMES, ACROSS THE WORLD

I'm in Britain, so when i wake up most of the 'merican Dtoid articles have been up and commented. I know that there are Dtoid staff all over the world, so why don't they get some publishing access? maybe have someone working the weekends too, even if its just a few bits and pieces to tide us over. I find a marked drop off at times and at weekends and i don't think it would be too difficult to coordinate amongst editors, contributors and community members to make Dtoid a consistent 24 hour gaming and culture site.

 

  Maybe these are silly ideas, but i really like this site, and i really like the community. I'd much rather see some amateur writing, some silly writing and some non game writing than no writing at all. The will of the community is a resource, you can use us...in sexy and non sexy ways depending on mood.

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I don’t scare easily. I never have, whilst I love horror in all its forms it rarely scares me properly. Never the type of scare that keeps you awake, that has you reaching for another drink and another cigarette, and that makes you wish someone would say it going to be alright.  I think it’s because I know its fiction, and how could make believe scare you? There are no aliens, no bumps in the night or bogymen coming for me, just taxes and exes, oven meals and bitter Scottish weather, none of which is particularly scary.

What keeps me up at night are my memories. Those gnawing pangs of past mistakes, misspent days or words I can’t take back.  I’ve battled depression for as long as I can remember, and when you mix those dark and morbid thoughts with an overactive imagination and a mind full of questions, your left with sleepless nights and regrets. Friedrich Nietzsche put it best,

If you gaze into the abyss the abyss gazes into you."

That’s why Spec Ops: The Line is the singular most terrifying game ever made.

SPOILERS AHEAD-Normally I wouldn’t emphasise this so much, but if you haven’t played this game stop reading and play it. You'll thank me.

You back? Good.

Spec Ops: The Line is both a 3rd person shooter and a hell ride into the human psyche. I’m not going to wax lyrical about the reasonably solid game play, or even its superb plot. What we’re here to discuss is why it’s terrifying.  The horror that the game causes works on multiple levels, and its only when those pieces begin to fit together and you turn that camera on the wretched soul clinging to a control pad do you see the true power that this game processes.

It begins so simply. Like all great descents you don’t even realise that you’re being dragged down. The game begins and for the first few hours you’re firing off bullets and ploughing through insurgents as if it’s Call of Duty with Resident Evil controls. The action gets more and more heated, the violence of lost Dubai begins to increase. The voices over the radio begin to get more and more urgent, the soldiers under your command get more and more reluctant yet more insistent that we report back to HQ. When suddenly and yet so gradually you realise you’re changing. Your voice over the coms is getting more frayed and desperate, you grip on the controller is getting more frantic and each bullet is more valuable than its last fellow. This is not your average shooter, Captain Walker is far more than an avatar, he is you, changing gradually. Acts of violence that you would have baulked at in the first half become common place in the second. You brush off the murder of hundreds of men. Using weapons of such devilish design becomes normal. You have gradually become inhuman, and only when you stop to take a breath do you see how different Captain Walker has become, how angry and blood soaked he is, and how you, the player were the one who led these men through hell itself.

You and Walker become shells of the people you once were. Or perhaps your mask slipped and the true evil that has bubbled beneath the surface all these years is showing its face. Spec Ops: The Line makes you the monster. Without even realising it, those binary good/bad choices it throws at you are not what they seem- they are shades of grey. Its only when the game is over, and you read the tales of others experiences do you realise you didn’t have to do all those monstrous things to progress. You didn’t need to pass judgement on those men, you could have walked away… but you didn’t. You could have fired in the air to scare the civilians who were hanging your comrade… but you didn’t. You opened fire, you executed those men. You took life and death into your hands and you made your decision. Spec Ops: The Line plays with your associations of military shooters. You as the player, have been programmed that fighting is duty, that killing the enemy is progression and that victory and safety is only a check point away. Only when the credits roll do you see how far you have sunk, only then do you question your actions. And NO ONE has chose the path of least resistance.

And the game knows it. Gradually the messages on the loading screens start to change. The game reminds you that it’s just a game, that none of it is real. The game breaks the 4th wall to tell you that it’s all make believe. But it is real. All you have to do is look in a newspaper, read a military book or hear of the horrific things humans are doing to each other all over the world to know that it’s not all make believe. And even if this game is fiction, you’re the one pulling the trigger, you’re the one who didn’t even try to go back for back up, and you’re the one that skipped over to the white phosphorus and weaponised it. You’re the one who continued to play the game, despite it being about horrible men doing horrible things. The load screen knows it too, pushing your buttons and rubbing salt into your wounds. Until right when the perfect storm is at its most chaotic, when the only way for you and your team is through the centre of hell does it twist the knife perfectly.

It’s the signature of a game that knows what it’s done to its player. Spec Ops: The Line makes the player hate themselves. It holds up a mirror to what’s bubbling beneath the surface of us all. Spec Ops: The Line doesn’t need buckets of viscera, it doesn’t need jump scares and creepy atmospherics. It chills the player to the core because it forces the player to look at themselves. It forces us to think of our own actions, it makes us think of those millions of NPC’s we’ve gunned down over the years with smiles on our faces. Perhaps we’re not as damaged and unhinged as Captain Walker is, but we are not saints. We are after all, simulating murder for fun. We are soaking ourselves in the mire of man’s misery. Perhaps we are all capable of inhuman atrocities given the circumstances. Now tell me one thing more terrifying than that.  

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I bet you didn't know that I’m an amateur DJ under the name of Y so Serious? Well why would you, we hardly talk after that embarrassing incident with the horseradish. I was going to make a normal blog list with my favourite bits of game music, then i thought id mix them together for your listening pleasure! Please note I’m not very good at it, and there’s some glaring mistakes, but if you've half an hour you never want back have a listen! 

I hope you enjoy D-toid massive, 

CLICK HERE... NO NOT THERE! THAT TURNS OFF MY FRIDGE!

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The question of a favourite game is harder than it first seems. I, like many of my fellow D-toiders have a space in our hearts for the classics, the cult favourites and the unique gems, and we will (and happily do) argue about where they belong in the great ranking and why people should play them. But to pick one and raise it about all others has to be a personal thing. There is a inherit danger of picking a “safe choice”, a Silent Hill 2 or a Bioshock, because these are widely loved, we can be blind to their failings.

 Therefore I think to pick a game to be your favourite game of all time; you have to love it for its failings. You have to love it no matter what, and to para-phrase Twilight, you have to love it unconditionally.  And that is why, for me, Starfox 64 is the greatest video game ever made.

Picture if you will, a young boy of twelve on a cold Scottish Christmas morning, he rips at the festive wrapping paper of a suspiciously big box, he knows what it is. It’s the game he’s wanted for months and months. Its Lylat Wars (Starfox 64 in the rest of world) for the Nintendo 64, and with that gift came hundreds of hours of fun and adventure.

Buuuuut, there’s far more to this story that sheer nostalgia. I could tell you about my obsessive playing of its predecessor on the SNES- Starwing, I could tell you about stealing my father’s phone headset so I felt more like I was barking orders at my fellow pilots, even though it was plugged into NOTHING. I could tell you how it played in black and white because I couldn’t afford a colour television. But they’re not the reasons why Starfox 64 is my all time favourite. It’s my favourite because of a few simple reasons that are seldom matched, never bettered.

Simple, elegant precision.

Hammering the fire button will kill the bad guys, waggling the stick moves the plane, pretty simple right? Yes its very simple, but building from this simplicity Nintendo were able to put each and everyone of us behind the controls of an arwing and be able to pilot it quickly. But with time and practise, particularly in the games “all range” free combat sections, you could duck and weave, somersault and lock on, barrel roll and bomb like the Luke Skywalker/Top gun hybrid you’ve always known you were.

“Simple to pick up, difficult to master” might as well be the mantra to making a good video game. Grasping the subtly of the Arwing, the Landmaster and the Submarine took hours and hours of the players life. To score the highest points, to unlock all the secrets and to explore the Lylat system completely required this level of graft. But it wasn’t a requirement. If you wanted to blast through the baddies and save the universe, you could- In a couple of hours, if you were pretty good to start with. At no point does Starfox 64 force you to come back, but you will… to see the next set piece, meet the next boss or visit the next planet. And that will take dedication.

 

Admit it... you wanted the medals

More than a new world…a new universe.

Too much is explained these days, not enough is left to the imagination. And a young pre-teen with a fascination for talking animals in space has A LOT of imagination. Starfox 64 tapped into this perfectly, and represents one of several “loveable flaws” I spoke of earlier. A new Starfox game will undoubtedly have a fifteen minute intro explaining the Lylat system, Falco’s favourite type of hand cream, what a G-defuser is and what exactly a Slippy is. Not so in the nineties! “Here come the baddies, fill in the rest yourself” might as well have been the blurb on the back of the box. This “choose your own adventure” style of video game writing works perfectly, as you are thrown into a higgledy-piggledy world which makes no sense. So you begin to piece it together your self, making up back stories and ill fated love affairs between the characters.

  The desolation of Zoneless, the evil of the Star wolf team, what Andross even IS… these all were left to the player. And boy did it make the game better. Stories were traded in school yards, lore was hinted at but never delivered as characterisation was expanded by brief snippets of dialogue:

 

And so a legend is born. 

All building to lend the game a film like quality, but a at the same time being so much more than a film as you were controlling it. It was Star Wars, Independence Day and the Labyrinth all at once. Perhaps I have my rose tinted hindsight goggles on, but this was the first post Metal Gear Solid game to improve on the “gaming movie” template. It improved on it because it wasn’t trying to be a thriller, it was trying to be what it was- a frankly ridiculous space opera about animals with lasers. 

Feels… its got them.

So it’s a good game. So it takes ages to master. So its fun to shoot things. So its got crappy but enduring bits. Loads of games have that. What pushes Starfox 64 into “best game ever” territory? It story changes depending on how good you are. And if your really, really good you get to see one of the most magical moments in all gaming. But ONLY if you’re a bad ass. Like megaman’s haddoken, the secret ending to Starfox 64 represents a sorely missed era of gaming, where graft and persistence were awarded.

Picture the scene.

You’ve basted through the hard path scoring staggeringly high point values on every level, none of your co-pilots have crashed out, you’ve  taken on the thrills and spills of that persistent Starwolf team… when you greeted by a SECOND version of Andross. The grotesque floating brain provides a truly memorable dog fight as you duck and weave to avoid its clutches. The final laser shot seals the deal, and the screen whites out…. until….

It’s your father. Your long dead father, reaching from the grave to guide you to the safety he so heroically missed. Is it a dream? Is he really there? There’s no time to wonder about life and death as the complex is collapsing around you. Franticly you follow your fathers’ ship’s trail to the surface, elated to know your re-untied with you father once more. Fox McCloud looks across the emptiness of space for his fathers Arwing which has faded from view, as his colleagues ask if he’s okay he replies with stoic courage:

 Nothing... nothing's wrong.

Not a dry eye in the mutha fukin house.

Its part star wars, part matrix, part daddy complex and part fairy tale. But it comes together at  that moment to make such a lasting impression that even now 15 odd years later, Starfox 64 is still my favourite game. Like I said at the start, an all time favourite has to be personal, and it has to be flawed, and what’s more flawed and personal than a Space fox with iron shoes on missing his dad?

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