Please take the following list with a grain of salt. JRPGs are an old friend of mine, and I'm just giving them a bit of good natured ribbing (read: yes, yes, I know I'm going to get flamed by the wapanese, but I'm a big boy. I can take it.)
And I've nothing against that
artsy chick from Starbuck's. She's really quite fetching.
Number Five) It's not as much fun as I remember from high school.
Did I honestly... I mean
honestly... not mind those horrendously long cutscenes in Xenosaga? I guess my memories have been slightly polished by nostalgia, but all the eye candy seems to wear thin a lot quicker these days. It's fun for a little while, I'll give it that. But Xenosaga is definitely getting a
fake number in the morning.
Number Four) The dialog is interesting for about thirty seconds, but lasts about thirty minutes.
Do these people
ever shut up? Jimmeny Christ, I get it... the bad thing is bad, we're the good guys, and you're quirky. Honestly. Kindly shove a rag in your pie hole and let me get back to these random encounters. Which leads me to...
Number Three) Random encounters suck.
Okay, maybe I lost focus here. It's hard to come up with a clever double
entendre, but crap on a crap cracker, has there ever been a gaming convention that's levied a greater penalty on exploration? And as if raw suckage weren't enough, irony is slathered on by the fact that it's a convention used in exploration based games. Who thought this garbage up? (I recognize that back when this was a good way to get a dungeon crawly feel on a system where the number of sprites on screen was limited. But Enchanted Arms has no effing excuse.)
Number Two) Weird things always seem quirky and cute at first, but eventually they're just weird.
I guess this applies to anime and all things Nipponese. Honestly though, what born and bred member of Western Civilization could ever take chibi seriously? Okay, so you're a bad-ass-cyborg-ninja-vampire-hunting-ronin-gravel-voiced-epitome-of-manliness. But somebody says something that embarasses you and you turn into a freaking
Precious Moments cartoon? W. T. F.
And finally...
Number One) No matter how many times I run through these bitches and gripes, I always come back for more.
It's true. Even though I may plug in Gears after each play session and cleanse my consciousness in a bath of
Locust juice, I have a weakness for JRPGs. Oddly enough, the things I've complained about here are usually what I find most charming (except random encounters. god I hate random encounters). The pretentious dialogue usually contains something at least mildly entertaining (
Barett is a prime example. If you hate Barett, you hate god herself.) The horrencously long cutscenes are handy for getting a beer or taking a piss, and okay... you got me. Chibi can be cute. But I hate myself for admiting it.
But seriously.
Fuck Random Encounters.
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haha! great stuff, you pretty much hit the nail on the head with ALL of those points, I will add that I too love JRPG's and usually end up buying every single one released in the UK at one point or another, I usually find them quite relaxing, until I get to a boss fight that I find too hard.
Although I have a habit of playing them for about 20-30 hours then abandoning them for something with more instant gratification thinking "I'll get back to it in a couple of days" those days turn to months, I go back and can't remember where the fuck I am or what the hell I need to do so it ends up going on the shelf/in a drawer.
Awesome post.
I haven't been able to play a JRPG for more than a few hours since Final Fantasy 10 (and even then, I can't remember the last time I actually BEAT one).
Fuck that, I love me some random battles, so long as I can take 10 to 15 steps between. Anything less is not cool.
But you're right, they talk way too much
It could be that I'm a hopeless sheep who loves to be told what to do, but I've always liked how relatively linear JRPGs were. I like knowing I'm kicking ass and doing the right thing at the right time.
I loved your post. Random Encounters FTL.
I think I will always love JRPGs, I don't know why, but I can stand hours and hours playing a good one. Last I played was Digital Devil Saga and it was really great.
And well, yeah, random encounters suck if they are too much, like everything. Enemies also suck in a shooter if they are twenty in each room...
If I want the feeling of playing a Japanese RPG I'll watch an anime for a half hour, press pause, fiddle around with the remote for two minutes, and then watch it again. Rinse and repeat.
Random encounters piss me off. They are the only reason I haven't bothered to finish Final Fantasy VI, and probably won't start another. They could at least add some sort of spell or potion to avoid them. And chocobos aren't enough.
Excellent cblog. Let's make out with tounges.
Am I the only one that noticed the "Dogma" reference?
I like the list but I would add some more to the talking one about how the romance plot lines are very middle school level. In fact most stories were middle school level.
Thank you for thinking of the poor forgotten entendre.
I lol'd.
Random Encounters made me give up on Skies of Arcadia, which made me incredibly sad, because I loved it otherwise. At least a fair amount of JRPGs have bucked the trend of random encounters, though it still happens.
I've played mor ethan my share of JPRGS (even before there was a J before the RPG). No, you didn't mind the cutscenes from the first Xenosaga...because it was indeed awesome. KOS-MOS is a dirty little whore who wants to much on Shions box...OK, maybe that went too far....BUT IT WAS AWESOME.
and random encounters do suck...and I could not take the queer guy in Enchanted Arms...He couldn't have been more 'out' if they made him have flames shooting from his crotch and asshole. Way too over the top for me. And everything being a 'secret' achievement sucked.
I'll double your entendre!
Good post, all true. Now I have to play FF7 again.
Bastard.
Moogle Charm ftmfw.