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Truth is a thing which only appears to those who have observed, considered, and made a choice. At the end of the path you chose lies the truth... Believe in it and continue without faltering.
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Instead of doing the two very important Maths assignments I should have already finished years ago, I'm instead choosing to return to Dtoid to talk about something I believe isn't getting a lot of actually important analysis on mainstream gaming sites (besides all the fact that Kickstarter is our Bandcamp movement and if utilised properly could overtake it in the race to relieve developers from the need to support evil corporate moneygrabbers who don't give a shit about games in favour of only support the small moneygrabbers who grab as much as they freaking can to make some damn good 'uns). For those post 00s Dtoid:

Hi, I'm GoldenGamerXero. You may remember me from my shitty blogs and being the laziest comments of the week editor who only didn't get kicked off because everybody else was too nice and needed a break every couple weeks. This is my blog. Now onto the blog:

Twitch Plays Pokemon is the most important video game related social media event in the last decade.

Like a lot of other loser man-child, tingle style fairy boys I'm moving on to wasting my student loans on comics instead of games these days. I bought Wind Waker and Super Mario Sunshine on the Gigawondertron (I hear the worshippers of false idols refer to milord as the “Game of cubes”?) but that's mostly it on the gaming front with no WiiU sighted in the immediate future Still, I am an avid lover of games especially Nintendo IPs so news of TPP was gonna get to me eventually the same as it got to everybody.

Wait.
Time out.

If you don't know what Twitch Plays Pokemon is:

1: Dude get out from that rock, you looking like a less entertaining Patrick Star.
2: ^For serious. You're starting to stank up the joint.
3: ^^For serious. IT'S THE 3RD LINK WHEN YOU SEARCH POKEMON!


FFS PATRICK. TURN AROUND!

Anywhos... What started as a social experiment (The creator themself can be quoted referring to that phrasing as 'a fancy way of saying “I want to see what happens"') turned into an epidemic quicker than anyone could have possibly expected. Everybody's talking about the peak number of views of around 110,000 but what's important is the fact that that number is growing and keeps growing.

100,000 people joined together to play one game over the internet. Pause and think about the reality of that shit people. This is the equivalent of a Youtube comments section attempting to rewrite the Poetic Edda. All you could ever expect would be complete chaos which is exactly what you got due for the fact that somewhere within the endless babbling there's a good chunk of people spending hours destroying the efforts of everybody else trying to do their best to work together (in what is truly among the lowest personal victories imaginable) and yet as a group including the spammers have these people managed to beat half the game in less than a week because for whatever reason these monkeys do not need infinite time.

The fact this is getting anywhere at all is pretty good evidence that the internet is made up of largely of the same proportions of the real world: a massive chunk of good, decent people who have their own thoughts and feelings (and who may be a bit inconsiderate when they're just trying to catch a break every once in a while) and a bunch of douchebags.

All these people are working like a system which has been programmed with several errors to complete a task. They're all cogs in a machine that could be said to be both doomed to fail and inevitable to succeed because though the vast majority of them know how to complete a Pokemon game, very few of them can have the imagination to understand how they would do so as a unit and thus: conflict. One of the greatest conflicts in video game history and it's started by everyone trying to be civil! The most interesting part of the social commentary came when users were presented the choice of democracy and anarchy and everybody started a constant back and forth between a system of order that was also impossibly slow and undiluted high octane chaos.

Arguments in favour of anarchy were that it's the original point of the experiment, it's pointless to just play a slow version of Pokemon Red just for the novelty and that none of the unforgettable moments that the player base went through when they were making stupid fast decisions would have ever happened without an unbias system whereas democracy still has the very good argument that there was no way out of Team Rocket's underground base with them spending half a day doing what a 10 year old could doing in less than 5 minutes.

Anarchy at this point has stopped being anarchy and is actually more like a poor man's socialism (in other words socialism HAH!) with Demoracy being the idea that only those who "know what to do" should be allowed control over everyone's actions on a large scale and Anarchy being a highly risky and messier system that in end the achieves the same results but just at varying paces.

Beyond the obvious metaphors of the game itself, there's plenty of interesting topics to choose from such as the flood of reddit and imgur with TPP memes and gameplay strategies. Knowing it's impossible to communicate within the actual chat, words of the current goals is spread through images and message boards to anyone who will listen. Amazingly it's resulted with the players currently as I type this trying to grind their Hypno in Pokemon Tower as a weird semi-kind-of-joint effort sort of deal with that being the next place they need to go and Hypno being the only 'mon TPP has that can actually hit Ghost types.

Besides Digrat but fuck that guy.

And that's about everything I can think of that I wanted to talk about TPP and in all recent news actually. I'm pretty sure you all will make insights and think more about it if you want to anyway so I'll end this with a late and (mostly) factious open letter to call out Nintendo's Virtual console division:

Dear you HUGE BUNCH OF FREAKING SKEEZBOTS

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WERE YOU BUNCH OF CUM BADGERS THINKING YOU WOULD ACCOMPLISH BY INCREASING THE PRICE OF EARTHBOUND LAST YEAR.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT! ARE YOU FUELLING AN ORANGE POWER RING?!?!
IS THAT IT YOU FUCK JAGUARS! IS FUCKING LARFLEEZE YOUR FUCKING SENIOR DIRECTOR OF FUCKING FINANCE OR SOME SHIT?!?!??

Otherwise why would you PURPOSEFULLY give people reasons NOT to buy the game again?!?! So it could fail and you could be all like: “YUCK YUCK WE TOLD YOU NO ONE WOULD BUY IT LOLZ!”

Well too bad: It still sold ya pricklets so I speak for a quantity of EU gamers when I say enjoy your dirty, ill earned money and put out Mother fucking 3 on the fucking virtual console so we can fucking buy it and you can give some fucking money to Itoi and the rest of APE or Creatures Inc or whatever because they released the best RPG series of forever and so THEY-HAVE-FUCKING-EARNED-IT.

Yours sincerely

Fuck yourself

[Xero is a First Year at one of those unis for all the best Oxbridge rejects with too much time on his hands due to the terrible work ethic brought upon by actually succeeding to make it in anywhere at all. He's now going to attempt to work while eating copious numbers of peanut butter, marmalade and banana sandwiches (all one filling)]




















So it was the Gamecube's birthday today. He sent out invites to everybody.
Yeah everybody. You know how many people showed up. Diddly squat.

...

He cried you know. I hope you're all happy.

You monsters.



Xero wants everyone to remember they failed to come the Gamecube's birthday and therefore get no cake.He would also like to remind you that you sicken him and that the cake is fucking delicious.
Photo Photo Photo








This is my first blog on destructiod and I wanted it to be about something I really loved that's related to gaming. After some thought I gave up and started looking at some old blogs on the front page and came across the whole "why ... is the greatest video game series of all time" and wanted to make one myself but for Earthbound so here goes.


It knows exactly what it is and what it wants to be

The game sarts off with a normal boy sleeping in the night on an average day in the 90s. Everyone knows what's awesome about that right! Nothing at all! because that's what normal life is like. Normal. It's not his birthday, it's not christmas, he not been orphaned in some mystrious way because that wouldn't be normal. But in his normal life you can find it easy to relate to Ness. Esspecially his friendship with Porky. I think Dane Cook said it best "In every group of people there is always a friend that nobody f*cking likes!" Porky is that friend. He's fat, egostical and lazy (The bastards so lazy he won't even attack to save his own life against a group of wild animals!) You're not playing as Ness. You ARE Ness. An average kid put in a strange new world.



But Mother 3 starts off with Lucas, the new main character, and his family being trapped in a forest fire and the attack from a robotic drago which kills not only his mother but possibly his brother Claus and makes his dad so guiltly that he goes (In my opinion) off the deep end and completely abandons him to try to search for his supposely dead brother (They never found the body) Lucas's life is screwed up so badly yet you can still relate to him as all the crap in his life is his own fault in a way. HE got lost in the woods so his mother died protecting HIM, HE didn't stop his brother when he went to fight the drago and HE couldn't help find Claus. The game gives you the idea that you're controlling Lucas's life because he can't do it himself. You're his voice of reason and I loved every second of doing it.


It's hillarious!

This one will be short and sweet. The game is funny case closed. If you can go the whole game with even a chuckle then you're inhuman. When Itoi, the creator, was making this game he ovbiously had a good idea of why you play throuh the tedious parts of a game. The rewards. Earthbound and Mother 3 have parts where you can go out of your way for a laugh. In Mother 3 sometimes you'll fight a high level enemy just for a box with a fart inside and in Earthbound you might grind for money to buy a house in the suburbs only to find it's completely wrecked but at least you found a good book right? It doesn't force you to do this and there's nothing to can really unlock for doing this but you do it anyways because you're playing through this game not have a good time and you're suceeding. You're having fun.


No vanilla enemies

In most RPGs when you get closer to the end there's always the enemies that aren't special in any way shape or form. the common term for these are vanilla enemies there not bad but there certainly not good either and they don't add anything new to the table. In Earthbound and Mother 3 this is not the case every enemy feels different boss fights are always new even if some are repeated (There's a big difference between the first fight against the masked man and the last one) and they feel as though the design actually bothered to give them there own personality


The battle system is genius

Now when you get hit in a normal RPG you usually just stand there and take it till he's done dealing damage. Earthbound throws that out the window because if you get hit you fight back, you get down and consentrate, you hit them where it hurts! If an attack hits you that will do enough damage to take you down you don't die you take mortal damage and start dying your health bar decreases faster if you move to much so sometimes all you can do is defend and let someone else deal with it. This works so well because then you can't just kick back and watch the characters do the work because well you're DYING! (Oh and the battle backgrounds are incredible)


Mr.Saturn

Nuff said... BOING!


It's not overrated

When something is loved as much as Earthbound people usually think that if a game has that much hype it's probably too good to be true. Fortunately this is not the case with Earthbound. It's almost physically impossible to not be able to find something you like about Earthbound/Mother 3 (I say almost as some people who just don't like video games) It's so... everything! It's smart but stupid, the it's turn based but it's real time, It's random but makes so much sense. It's like if we put Jesus Christ into a Snes and then a GBA cartridge.


It's improved so much

I admit I'm not the biggest fan of Mother 1 but can you blame me? I don't think it's bad I think it could be so much better if it took some tips from it's sequels. It has an idea of what it's wants to be, It's kinda funny, every other enemy is a vanilla enemy, the battle system is the same as all other RPGs (and no cool backgrounds), there are NO Mr.Saturns and it is overrated. It's not a good game or a bad game it's a vanilla game with vanilla enemies


THE END?