Note: iOS 9 + Facebook users w/ trouble scrolling: #super sorry# we hope to fix it asap. In the meantime Chrome Mobile is a reach around
hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts


GoggolrAscendant's blog

  Make changes   Set it live in the post manager. Need help? There are FAQs at the bottom of the editor.
GoggolrAscendant avatar 10:50 PM on 05.26.2008  (server time)
Inpressions of a Pokemon Neophyte - Look, I'm Going to Start Drinking Edition

Day One.
Day Two.
Day Three.
Day Four.

When last we left our intrepid heroine, the hardly-pubescent wonder had just handed a Team Galactic Boss her ass on a silver platter. Now, she is grinding her pokemons to higher levels before continuing on with her “adventure”.

Hiker Nicholas accosts Emo-kin! Creepy old man in the woods throws his rock snake at my barely-legal avatar. Nintendo’s creepiness knows no bounds!

Emo-kin captured a Buizel! I was going to name it something clever like WaterWeasel, but then I saw it was actually a Sea Weasel pokemon, and cleverness got tossed out the window. Meet SeaWii!

Thank you, folks! Thank you! Try the veal, and don’t forget to tip your waitresses; they work harder than I do.

Battle Girl Kelsey hops into battle in a stripperific outfit. Bet she’s gay. GAY 4 POKEMONS!!!!

Look, I drink…and that’s all the excuse you’re going to get on that one.

Gawddammit!!! Hokkigai was this (>|<) close to gutting Kelsey’s Machop when the androgynous bitch whipped out a fukkin’ Austin Powers-grade Karate Chop. Okay, okay, it was “Judo Chop” in AustinPowers 3, and only Austin’s dad used it, but you knew where I was going with it, right?

Fine, screw you. I’m going to keep drinking.

Man, the water weasels are all over the place around here! Oh, and one of the phallic little bastards just spit a stream of water at Hokkigai. I swear, once my water weasel learns the Water Gun attack I am going to use it at every turn, all the while screaming “I BUKKAKE … FOR GREAT JUSTICE!” at the top of my lungs. I figure it’ll take about five minutes before my housemates decide to put me down.

The temptation to make shite up is pretty tempting right now. I’ve got hot Shellos-on-Shellos action going on right now, and I really want the other Shellos to use Mud Slap so I can scream out “Slap Fight!!!”

Oh, thank you Benevolent-yet-Capricious Gods of Pokemons! SLAAAAAP FIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!

Dude, Hokkigai totally bitch-slapped that other Shellos!

Okay, bugger this level-grinding noise. I need to move on as my patience is getting sorely taxed.

Eterna Forest: Where Time Stands Still. And it’s full if Budew, the Pot Pokemons. I think there just might be a link between those two.

Eff me! Granysmtih just gotten taken down by a Beautifly and a Pachirisu! Maybe I’ll have Marellus give them a working over?

Nah, I’ll drop in my severly underpowered water weasel, SeaWii!

Oh, SeaWii already knows Water Gun. I BUKKAKE … FOR GREAT JUS- Ah, f*** me! SeaWii got fried by the Pachirisu’s Spark. Time or Plan C.

Bring out TheGIMP!

DAMMIT!!! Now TheGIMP is down, too. Time to bring out Marsellus.

Mo-fuggin’-A! That Beautifly is kicking my ass. I. MUST. HAVE. THAT. POKEMONS!

WT…F?! I had to stare at the sprite for Buneary for a good little while before I realized that A) his head was not on backwards, and B) the red bulge in his groin was not either a tumor, or a painful swelling of his testes. It's only one of his feet.

I need more beer.

Captured Cascoon. No nickanme. Or a nichmane. Or even a nickname. Dammit, I haven’t had that much to drink!

I BUKKAKE … FOR GREAT JUS- dammit. That wasn’t very effective at all. I really need to grind SeaWii up some levels, but levelling up in this game is so goddamned boring!!! Yes, even more so than in a Final Fantasy game.

You know what this game needs? More beer. I’m going to go get some while you folks take a break. Sounds good, hmm? Later.

   Reply via cblogs
Tagged:    cblog  

Get comment replies by email.     settings

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our comment moderators

Can't see comments? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this. Easy fix: Add   [*]   to your security software's whitelist.

Back to Top

We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -