I was born in the last millennium in the far off year of 1989... back before the invention of such things as the world wide web (seriously).
My home is on the side of a highway next to an animal laboratory. A pregnant lady once drove into my front yard in such a way as to send my father's car flying into a wall.
She was in a high-speed chase with the cops. I once got arrested for standing in a park, with the final charges coming to disorderly conduct, assault and battery on a police officer, and resisting arrest. Don't worry though I didn't do anything wrong... that cop was just being a real jerk.
I like video games. I really like the number 24. People in high school used to think I was always on drugs... yet I have never gotten high in my life (only on life!). I'm probably not as ugly or screwed up as you think I am. My friend thinks I am very bad luck. My grandma is adorable. My sister loves cats and wants to join the FBI and save the world (she hates bugs though). I've been to the murder capital of the world several times but don't feel much like going back cause it's kind of boring.
As a kid I used to play on my dad's Game Boy. It was not mine, it was his and he let me borrow it. He would also laugh whenever I died in Super Mario World. Blue Yoshi was my favorite cause he was always the easiest to fly. If you are still reading this I applaud you (in spirit). I apologize for my overuse of parenthesis. I have come to the opinion that many people on Xbox Live cannot read very well since the majority of them always call me GoogleKnocker.
This was the first result for "destructoid decoder ring" in my bing image search... sorry but you'll have to deal with it cause I sure as hell ain't going back to google.
Well apparently Occam's Electric Toothbrush is supposed to give out decoder rings when you come to Destructoid. I was not aware of this and am highly disappointed as I never received mine.
I only found this out due to this other blog and c3saraval0's comments. Well I decided to follow his helpful advice and here I am with this blog.
SO WHERE IS IT?
Do you not like me Occams? You were my first you know! You hold the distinction of giving me my first ever comment in my first ever blog... I thought we had something special! You said my article "resonated" with you... did that mean nothing?! I've been on this site for years Occams... and have only been active within the community for a little over 2 weeks. Well now it all feels like a sham!
Who knows what sort of cryptic messages I may have been missing out on... does the decoder ring make Jim Sterling's reviews in line with the metacritic? Does it make it so Kane & Lynch 2 doesn't hurt my eyes? Does it reveal what the hell your avatar is supposed to be? I DON'T KNOW!
I suppose this may have been my fault for not having a proper introductory blog... well I didn't know I was supposed to do that.... I'M SORRY... consider this my introductory blog. I don't want bad blood between us Occams... just give me my standard issue decoder ring and whatever other nonsense you have in mind. I don't even care what it is!
I just want to be a part of the community Occams... please.