Alright so lately, I've been GIVING away Tribes: Ascend beta keys.


If you don't know what Tribes: Ascend is, time to open up those holes on the sides of your heads and listen with your eyes what I'm about to fucking type.

This game. This game. This gaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmeeeeee.



It's so good.

Basically, it's like Space Quidditch except the gay wizards and broomsticks are replaced with space robot people that have kickass jetpacks and frictionless boots for GOING FAST. You like have this rocket launcher thing that shoots blue plates of spaghetti at people, but you gotta time it right. Heres a picture of the learning curve.



Yeah. Basically it makes you into a man of men.

Anyway, you have a fucking jetpack. What more could I say? Oh yeah, thats right. FRICITIONLESS-GODDAMN-BOOTS. You know what that means? Going like Mach-5 down a fucking bunnyslope with your bros while fistpumping to some speedcore. Hell, you'd probably will see more va-jay-jay playing this video game then trying to pick up chicks in your mustard yellow pinto.


Here are some more fine points:
-Did I mention there are explosions? Everything is exploding, all at once, constantly, every second.
-Theres also like 30 fucking classes or something.
-Game has been patched every week so far
-Automatic weapons are no longer hitscan, so they're no longer bullshit
-16 vs. 16 CTF
-Turrets, tanks, motorcycles, jets
-It's free

Oh yeah. The game is free. FREE TO PLAY BABBY.


"But Gobuns! How do I get this fine piece of man-making amusement on my COMPUTADORA"
1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Open your stupid facebook.
3. Scroll past the dumb bitch with the duckface, shes not gonna suck your dick.
4. Like that Tribes: Ascend fanbookpage shit.

After you follow those steps, it'll probably spit a beta code at you and you'll be ready to shazbot all over the place.

There you go. I'm GIVING everyone the gift of a good fucking video game and if you don't like it, you can GIVE me some oral pleasure while GIVING me all your moneys.
Merry Chaunachristmas.




XXXXXXXXXXXXO, Gobun

So I like sandwiches a lot. This is a blog about sandwiches.


YEAH!




This is the beginning of a sandwich. It's a slice of white bread. Because wheat bread is disgusting.
I turned this slice of bread into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich later.




This is a porkchop sandwich with a side of porkchops because I'm fat. I feel that the Black Mesa mug compliments it very well.



This is a me sandwiched in between Gabe Newell and some guy who works on Diablo 3.



This is a brisket sandwich. It's got munster cheese. It was a damn good sandwich.



A burrito is like a Mexican sandwich. It's got the basic mechanics being that it's got a bready outside and a meaty inside.



This is suck sandwich cause it sucks. Who the fuck puts mustard on a chicken sandwich? You don't put mustard on white meat unless MAYBE it's dijon mustard. Fuck you.


That's it.

I have the urge to write and I have nothing video game related to say other than this:

-The characterization choices of the protagonists in Dead Island are beyond piss poor. It seems they gave the men the most interesting backgrounds by making them massive failures and they just chalked up the women to being military/police. I feel like they gave them those roles almost to try and push away from most female character stereotypes, but you really just made them boring. I mean, why couldn’t the hotel receptionist (Who was is also a Chinese spy) just be a hotel receptionist?

-Whats going on with the Fallout: New Vegas DLC? Whys it suck so hard? Why are you so unscathed after each episode? I feel there should be some long term consqeunces that happen to New Vegas after completing a DLC other than having some of the new weapons up for purchase from the Gun Runners.

-I was really excited about being a 3DS ambassador and getting some free games, but I realized I will never play them because I have other shit to play.

-Tokyo Game Show happened. I didn’t keep up with any of it.

-The new PSP is fucking up. Just as I though it would. Pretty happy I’ll be styling on my 3DS with Monster Hunter. I don’t give a shit about the extra nub. Cry some more.

-Project Zomboid is everything I want it in a zombie game, only that it controls like a broken rascal.


ANYWAY.

Check out this sandwich I ate.





It’s called a “Fat Jerry”. It’s got cheesesteak, chicken fingers, French fries, bacon, fried eggs, ketchup and mayo on a garlic hoagie. ITS ALL MY FAVORITE JUNK FOOD IN ONE SANDWICH. I’m so glad a place like this exists and that I’m not the only one who wants to cram terrible junk for you in a roll and call it a sandwich.






I’ve been listening to a lot of Weezer lately (Only the blue album). I grew up listening to this album and I always thought they were stupid songs. Being older though, I have much more of an appreciation for some of the memories that they carry for me. Makes me wonder why it took me so long to start listening to this album again.

I’ve been playing Team Fortress 2 with Gatsby. This is what happens:

{RiP}Gobun: NO MORE
Gatsby: no mas
{RiP}Gobun: all of that was painful
{RiP}Gobun: Lets play some more though, me/jro/julius are alweays playing
{RiP}Gobun: Get some sleep VALON THE TALON
Gatsby: alright sure, I just reinstalled to play with dtoid folk, so hit me up
{RiP}Gobun: for sure bro
Gatsby: and I will, after I have some sad lonely time with sasha gray
Gatsby: night dude
{RiP}Gobun: she takes some crazy anal
{RiP}Gobun: like impressive amounts of ass poundings
Gatsby: and throat fuckings, I don't know how her esophogus has maintained any elasticity
Gatsby: like if she tries and eat solid foods does shit get trapped in there
Gatsby: I don't know
{RiP}Gobun: maybe she doesn't even have to chew
{RiP}Gobun: she just kinda ducks everything
{RiP}Gobun: like kirby
Gatsby: just dehinges that jaw
{RiP}Gobun: like an anaconda lol
{RiP}Gobun: and it comes out the same out of her ass
Gatsby: yeah, it passes easier
{RiP}Gobun: she will swallow and birth a sandwich all in one day
{RiP}Gobun: it will look exactly the same as it did going in
Gatsby: Except with the addition of jalepenos
Gatsby: of unknown origin
{RiP}Gobun: Those were from her breakfast burrito, they got stuck
{RiP}Gobun: You ever wonder how much ass cleaning someone goes through before anal?
{RiP}Gobun: Like
{RiP}Gobun: YOu gotta have a good diet
{RiP}Gobun: eat lotsa fiber
Gatsby: I hear some of them get it bleached
Gatsby: but pinching off perfect fiberous turds helps
{RiP}Gobun: Don't they only bleach their asshole
{RiP}Gobun: For just, you know
{RiP}Gobun: show
{RiP}Gobun: So its not all discolored n whatnot
Gatsby: That'd make more sense, but you'd think they have a shit prod or something that they can just stick in there before the shoot
Gatsby: they have to get it all stretched anyway
{RiP}Gobun: Like a back scratcher
{RiP}Gobun: for you bung
{RiP}Gobun: a poop scratcher if you will
Gatsby: Yeah, with the same hand and everything
{RiP}Gobun: Yeah that same lil hand
Gatsby: low budget shoots just have one of those lying around
{RiP}Gobun: Its some other guys job to make sure the hole is good to go
{RiP}Gobun: He moonlights as a fluffer, his main job is a sexcavator
Gatsby: An exiled doctor who must inspect the inner depths of colons for bacteria as he bides his time for redemption
{RiP}Gobun: I'm putting this conversation in the bar
{RiP}Gobun: because this is awesome
{RiP}Gobun: I love you Gatsbro
Gatsby: I love you too Gobbro


(Why am I proud of this?)



I wish more people would let the little stuff go sometimes. It's sad to see friends or family get so riled up over nothing. And I always seem to make the mistake of trying to make a difference or setting things right only to make it worse. What can you do?




So it goes.

Something that’s always bothered me about my humble home known as “The Forums” is that there isn’t a flow of new members, what so ever. Every so often a stray sheep will tumble into our neck of the woods, and more often than not that stray leaves after his intro post out of A. Boredom or B. Intimidation. That’s fine, usually. The forums are definitely not for everyone, people find that out after their first post. Which is fine.

But some of the people who do tend to stay sometimes have a hard time integrating themselves amongst us in the community because we’re not like the front page or the blogs. It’s almost like a self governed group of people who filter out people who would potentially cause drama or problems. To a lot of us, the forums are a sacred place to talk. A place to shoot the shit, without the shit.

So from someone who has made terrible, terrible micro mistakes, but has tried to make a turn around on his past ways, here are some tips on becoming a BETTER PEOPLE™:







READ THE RULES

http://forum.destructoid.com/showthread.php?20979-Destructoid-Forums-Rules-and-New-User-Posting-Guide

Reading the rules is probably the most important rule on this list. It covers everything from how to create your first intro post to more technical stuff like whats allowed to be posted on the fourms. Many people have been busted because they’ve posted a nsfw picture or linked something shady. It’s a true guide list on how to act appropriately on the forums.

FLESH OUT YOUR INTRO POST

The intro post is like a handshake. People will be able to gauge what kinda person you are just by how strong or weak your intro post is. The best way to strengthen your intro post is to tell us about yourself beyond what you play. Tell us where you’re from. Tell us what other hobbies you enjoy or participate in. Tell us about your embarrassing birth marks. Just let us know that you’re a real person.


HAVE SOME PUNCTUATION & GRAMMAR

This isn’t a face book status. This isn’t a twitter update. Take a little pride in what you post. The reason for this is because people will take your posts a little more seriously and at the very least they’ll read it. No one likes posts clogged with emoticons and spelling errors. It’s just common courtesy.







DON’T BE A BABY

One thing people have a hard time grasping is that we rarely take things seriously. Especially in introduction threads, that’s where EVERYONE who joins is initiated. No one is safe. The tradition of the forums initiation comes from a way to filter out differentiate people who are fit enough to stay in the forums. Not to sound like we don’t want everyone in the forums, but there are people who either don’t act appropriate or just troll the forums. No one wants either of those things.







DON’T MAKE NEW THREADS (WITHOUT CHECKING FOR PREVIOUSLY EXISTING ONES)

A common mistake for new members is to start making new threads about already existing subjects right off the bat. Now it's okay that it happens, but to make the moderator’s jobs easier, go ahead and use that search button. You’ll find that most of the time, another thread of the same nature exists. If a thread you want to make doesn’t exist, try to make it as broad as possible so people can discuss within it.






DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE BAR

The bar is the heart of the forums. 90% of posts happen in that thread alone. It can be intimidating to join in on the conversation at first, but if you do a fair amount of lurking, you should be fine, It’s one massive conversation about anything that moves at incredible speeds. It’s also impossible to derail because it’s... well... literally about anything you want it to be. Feel free to change the subject once you get your feet wet.


DON’T BE A CAMERA WHORE

You know that face book friend you have that’s constantly posting pictures of themselves and it's always in their room or bathroom. Yeah we don’t really like that either. Mindless self indulgence is frowned upon. I used to break this rule all the time and it certainly didn’t put me in higher places with some members. Choose the pictures you post of yourself wisely and do it sparingly. If you went out with your friends and partied and someone took pictures of you passed out on a balcony, sure, post them up. They’re probably hilarious, just don’t post the same picture of yourself OVER AND OVER AGAIN.


DON’T BE A BADGE SLUT

The badge system we have in the forums is a great way to immerse yourself in the community by letting people know that you’re actually active. Only problem is people kinda turn it into an obsessive achievement hunt and feel they need all of them as fast as they can to feel better about themselves. It’s not possible for you to get all the badges, slow down. For example: I will never be able to obtain a beard badge, my Korean face won’t let me grow one. Don’t beg for badges, you’ll look like a jackass and the moderators will be annoyed by your shenanigans. Best way to do get badges is if the opportunity arises. Stop by the badge request thread, let a moderator know what you’re qualified for, show some proof and boom. You’ll have a badge.


DON’T JOIN JUST TO PIMP YOUR GOODS


Bros who come by only to get hits on their blog or even a different website rarely get respect. In our eyes its abuse of the forums community. If you hang out for a while and you write a post, its MAYBE okay to post something every so often in the bar. Other than that, you’ll look like a tool.


Overall, just be a decent person and considerate of others. It’s not that hard. Sure it’s fun to act like a jerk, but it really doesn’t gain you any assets. I had to learn that the hard way. No one liked me for the longest time. I still question whether or not people find me a decent person amongst the forums. Just be cool with everyone and you’ll be a BETTER PEOPLE™ before you know it.

It's been a while since I've written a blog, which is why I'm gonna keep this short anyway.
This is nothing more than a short tour of my room.


This is my stupid closet.





This is where I play video games/come to cry.





This is where I hide my find my solutions for balding.





This is where I bump my knee every so often.





This is where I do my quiet business

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHIT BITCH.
TOURNAMENTS ALL UP IN THIS BUSINESS.

As ya'll know, I love me some Starcraft 2. Some would say I'm the best 1v1 player on this wicked awesome webzone and as inspiration for being the very best, I wanna see YOU fight in the Ring of Honor against your fellow Dtoiders in Starcraft 2. That's right one on one, mono y mono, beating the piss outta your fellow brethren using Zerglings, Zealots, and Marines.



Why? FOR SICK ASS PRIZES OF COURSE!
Winner takes all, chumps. Lets see what we got.

Look at this fucking beast:





Jesus Christ, I fuckin shat myself lookin at it. He's like half invisible. He's gonna fuckin split my shit with that gun.


And for poops and teehees:





Look at this thing, it's a limited edition Blizzcon 09 Jim Raynor NOOBZ doll. That shit sells for a chunk a change son, if that don't get you wet, I dunno what will.

Rules n shit:
-Players get one round to give it their best
-Games will be run best 2 outta 3
-Winners move on to semi-finals, finals, whatever you wanna call them
-Cheese/All-ins are allowed
-Games will be played after 7:00PM PST
-Let me make this clear: I am not entering in my own contest. You will be fighting OTHER Dtoiders.

Blood thirsty yet? Alright, heres what I'm gonna need:

Email you use for Battle.net.
Name.
Race you play as.

Entries end this Sunday at like 12:00PM or something.

What are you doing? Go practice.