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Gobun's blog

3:43 AM on 03.21.2012

A Game of Foots: Your Move Max

About a week ago, I sent Max Scoville a picture of my left foot.

Glorious Gobun leg hair

Fabu Gobun work shoe

Sensual Gobun loving

Max fondles some book I've never heard of

Playing on my 3DS

Max has his foot loved up on by Skeletor

Glorious and manly Gobun foot blister skin

Max spoons with a unicorn

Time for a change of battlefield, Max. Your move:

My left foot enjoys Djarum Blacks in bed for some reason.   read

1:44 PM on 01.13.2012

A Gobun and his Ant Farm

Christmas came late this year since I was involved in like Forums Secret Santa n shit and I admit that I've been acting like a huge baby bitch because I haven't received my God damn gift yet.

But I got it.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit whats this business?

So I totes opened this magic bag up expecting it to be like three hundred Mickey Mouse dolls because the person that got me was the one and only SAXY GATORZ whom we all know loves, eats, sleeps, dreams, creeps, peeps, weeps, smells, tastes, feels, stalks, wears, works at, and is Disney. I'm not insulting either, mother fucker loves Disney. And hes normal. I've met some seriously weird fucking Disney people. There used to be this dude I worked with back when I was like a web manager n shit and we shared an office space with him. Every day, this guy would come up to me with a DIFFERENT Disney pin that he would harness onto his like, little sweater vest thing and he would come up and give me a God damn history lesson on what was on it. One time he regaled me about the first time he saw Steam Boat Mickey and fucking cried a little. It was weird.

Alright anyway, so I cracked that bag open and what was it?

A mother fucking ant farm

I see this thing. My lid flips.
I harken back to a time when I was only knee high and didn't kick any asses. My only friends were the ants and I was too derpy to order the real ants, so I ended up spooning various ants from my neighborhood into my ant farm. This didn't end well because I didn't know that ants from different like nests would fight so I imagined my ant farm looking like Oz or a very tiny gang tussle. Like some ant accidently steps on another ants shoes and it starts some shit. Bullets are flying and mandibles are uhh I guess being gnashed or something. Regardless all them ants died and I was sad.

So what the fuck is this 21 year old gonna with an ant farm?
I'll fucking tell you:

-Raise ants to believe I am their God and Master
-Teach them how to march
-Maybe start a fucking ant circus starring only ant strongmen.
-Get really fat because I'll never half to walk again, I'll just give people the illusion that I'm like floating around, but its really because I got like a fucking million ants carring me around under my shoes
-Teach ants to assemble and form the body of a human male. Like an ant golem
-Teach them how to steal like cheeseburgers or something

Fuck man, who would fuck with a guy who is like an Ant Wizard or an Antcromancer? No one, thats who. I'd be like The Pain from MGS3 but with ants. STRENGTH IN NUMBERS BABY. Who says ants cant fuck shit up? Everyones gotta sleep. All I gotta do is whisper to my lil ant bros to go #occupy someone's lungs and you'll wake up and be like "WELP GOT ANTS IN MY LUNGS CANT GO TO WORK". And thats it, your life is OVER.

Thats it. I gotta go be busy being God or something.   read

7:56 PM on 12.20.2011

Giving: Take it. TAKE THE GIFT.

Alright so lately, I've been GIVING away Tribes: Ascend beta keys.

If you don't know what Tribes: Ascend is, time to open up those holes on the sides of your heads and listen with your eyes what I'm about to fucking type.

This game. This game. This gaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmeeeeee.

It's so good.

Basically, it's like Space Quidditch except the gay wizards and broomsticks are replaced with space robot people that have kickass jetpacks and frictionless boots for GOING FAST. You like have this rocket launcher thing that shoots blue plates of spaghetti at people, but you gotta time it right. Heres a picture of the learning curve.

Yeah. Basically it makes you into a man of men.

Anyway, you have a fucking jetpack. What more could I say? Oh yeah, thats right. FRICITIONLESS-GODDAMN-BOOTS. You know what that means? Going like Mach-5 down a fucking bunnyslope with your bros while fistpumping to some speedcore. Hell, you'd probably will see more va-jay-jay playing this video game then trying to pick up chicks in your mustard yellow pinto.

Here are some more fine points:
-Did I mention there are explosions? Everything is exploding, all at once, constantly, every second.
-Theres also like 30 fucking classes or something.
-Game has been patched every week so far
-Automatic weapons are no longer hitscan, so they're no longer bullshit
-16 vs. 16 CTF
-Turrets, tanks, motorcycles, jets
-It's free

Oh yeah. The game is free. FREE TO PLAY BABBY.

"But Gobuns! How do I get this fine piece of man-making amusement on my COMPUTADORA"
1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Open your stupid facebook.
3. Scroll past the dumb bitch with the duckface, shes not gonna suck your dick.
4. Like that Tribes: Ascend fanbookpage shit.

After you follow those steps, it'll probably spit a beta code at you and you'll be ready to shazbot all over the place.

There you go. I'm GIVING everyone the gift of a good fucking video game and if you don't like it, you can GIVE me some oral pleasure while GIVING me all your moneys.
Merry Chaunachristmas.


2:06 AM on 11.03.2011


So I like sandwiches a lot. This is a blog about sandwiches.


This is the beginning of a sandwich. It's a slice of white bread. Because wheat bread is disgusting.
I turned this slice of bread into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich later.

This is a porkchop sandwich with a side of porkchops because I'm fat. I feel that the Black Mesa mug compliments it very well.

This is a me sandwiched in between Gabe Newell and some guy who works on Diablo 3.

This is a brisket sandwich. It's got munster cheese. It was a damn good sandwich.

A burrito is like a Mexican sandwich. It's got the basic mechanics being that it's got a bready outside and a meaty inside.

This is suck sandwich cause it sucks. Who the fuck puts mustard on a chicken sandwich? You don't put mustard on white meat unless MAYBE it's dijon mustard. Fuck you.

That's it.   read

3:39 AM on 09.21.2011

I Play Video Games....Sometimes

I have the urge to write and I have nothing video game related to say other than this:

-The characterization choices of the protagonists in Dead Island are beyond piss poor. It seems they gave the men the most interesting backgrounds by making them massive failures and they just chalked up the women to being military/police. I feel like they gave them those roles almost to try and push away from most female character stereotypes, but you really just made them boring. I mean, why couldnít the hotel receptionist (Who was is also a Chinese spy) just be a hotel receptionist?

-Whats going on with the Fallout: New Vegas DLC? Whys it suck so hard? Why are you so unscathed after each episode? I feel there should be some long term consqeunces that happen to New Vegas after completing a DLC other than having some of the new weapons up for purchase from the Gun Runners.

-I was really excited about being a 3DS ambassador and getting some free games, but I realized I will never play them because I have other shit to play.

-Tokyo Game Show happened. I didnít keep up with any of it.

-The new PSP is fucking up. Just as I though it would. Pretty happy Iíll be styling on my 3DS with Monster Hunter. I donít give a shit about the extra nub. Cry some more.

-Project Zomboid is everything I want it in a zombie game, only that it controls like a broken rascal.


Check out this sandwich I ate.

Itís called a ďFat JerryĒ. Itís got cheesesteak, chicken fingers, French fries, bacon, fried eggs, ketchup and mayo on a garlic hoagie. ITS ALL MY FAVORITE JUNK FOOD IN ONE SANDWICH. Iím so glad a place like this exists and that Iím not the only one who wants to cram terrible junk for you in a roll and call it a sandwich.

Iíve been listening to a lot of Weezer lately (Only the blue album). I grew up listening to this album and I always thought they were stupid songs. Being older though, I have much more of an appreciation for some of the memories that they carry for me. Makes me wonder why it took me so long to start listening to this album again.

Iíve been playing Team Fortress 2 with Gatsby. This is what happens:

{RiP}Gobun: NO MORE
Gatsby: no mas
{RiP}Gobun: all of that was painful
{RiP}Gobun: Lets play some more though, me/jro/julius are alweays playing
{RiP}Gobun: Get some sleep VALON THE TALON
Gatsby: alright sure, I just reinstalled to play with dtoid folk, so hit me up
{RiP}Gobun: for sure bro
Gatsby: and I will, after I have some sad lonely time with sasha gray
Gatsby: night dude
{RiP}Gobun: she takes some crazy anal
{RiP}Gobun: like impressive amounts of ass poundings
Gatsby: and throat fuckings, I don't know how her esophogus has maintained any elasticity
Gatsby: like if she tries and eat solid foods does shit get trapped in there
Gatsby: I don't know
{RiP}Gobun: maybe she doesn't even have to chew
{RiP}Gobun: she just kinda ducks everything
{RiP}Gobun: like kirby
Gatsby: just dehinges that jaw
{RiP}Gobun: like an anaconda lol
{RiP}Gobun: and it comes out the same out of her ass
Gatsby: yeah, it passes easier
{RiP}Gobun: she will swallow and birth a sandwich all in one day
{RiP}Gobun: it will look exactly the same as it did going in
Gatsby: Except with the addition of jalepenos
Gatsby: of unknown origin
{RiP}Gobun: Those were from her breakfast burrito, they got stuck
{RiP}Gobun: You ever wonder how much ass cleaning someone goes through before anal?
{RiP}Gobun: Like
{RiP}Gobun: YOu gotta have a good diet
{RiP}Gobun: eat lotsa fiber
Gatsby: I hear some of them get it bleached
Gatsby: but pinching off perfect fiberous turds helps
{RiP}Gobun: Don't they only bleach their asshole
{RiP}Gobun: For just, you know
{RiP}Gobun: show
{RiP}Gobun: So its not all discolored n whatnot
Gatsby: That'd make more sense, but you'd think they have a shit prod or something that they can just stick in there before the shoot
Gatsby: they have to get it all stretched anyway
{RiP}Gobun: Like a back scratcher
{RiP}Gobun: for you bung
{RiP}Gobun: a poop scratcher if you will
Gatsby: Yeah, with the same hand and everything
{RiP}Gobun: Yeah that same lil hand
Gatsby: low budget shoots just have one of those lying around
{RiP}Gobun: Its some other guys job to make sure the hole is good to go
{RiP}Gobun: He moonlights as a fluffer, his main job is a sexcavator
Gatsby: An exiled doctor who must inspect the inner depths of colons for bacteria as he bides his time for redemption
{RiP}Gobun: I'm putting this conversation in the bar
{RiP}Gobun: because this is awesome
{RiP}Gobun: I love you Gatsbro
Gatsby: I love you too Gobbro

(Why am I proud of this?)

I wish more people would let the little stuff go sometimes. It's sad to see friends or family get so riled up over nothing. And I always seem to make the mistake of trying to make a difference or setting things right only to make it worse. What can you do?

So it goes.   read

11:20 PM on 09.02.2011

How to be a Better Peopleô

Something thatís always bothered me about my humble home known as ďThe ForumsĒ is that there isnít a flow of new members, what so ever. Every so often a stray sheep will tumble into our neck of the woods, and more often than not that stray leaves after his intro post out of A. Boredom or B. Intimidation. Thatís fine, usually. The forums are definitely not for everyone, people find that out after their first post. Which is fine.

But some of the people who do tend to stay sometimes have a hard time integrating themselves amongst us in the community because weíre not like the front page or the blogs. Itís almost like a self governed group of people who filter out people who would potentially cause drama or problems. To a lot of us, the forums are a sacred place to talk. A place to shoot the shit, without the shit.

So from someone who has made terrible, terrible micro mistakes, but has tried to make a turn around on his past ways, here are some tips on becoming a BETTER PEOPLEô:


Reading the rules is probably the most important rule on this list. It covers everything from how to create your first intro post to more technical stuff like whats allowed to be posted on the fourms. Many people have been busted because theyíve posted a nsfw picture or linked something shady. Itís a true guide list on how to act appropriately on the forums.


The intro post is like a handshake. People will be able to gauge what kinda person you are just by how strong or weak your intro post is. The best way to strengthen your intro post is to tell us about yourself beyond what you play. Tell us where youíre from. Tell us what other hobbies you enjoy or participate in. Tell us about your embarrassing birth marks. Just let us know that youíre a real person.


This isnít a face book status. This isnít a twitter update. Take a little pride in what you post. The reason for this is because people will take your posts a little more seriously and at the very least theyíll read it. No one likes posts clogged with emoticons and spelling errors. Itís just common courtesy.


One thing people have a hard time grasping is that we rarely take things seriously. Especially in introduction threads, thatís where EVERYONE who joins is initiated. No one is safe. The tradition of the forums initiation comes from a way to filter out differentiate people who are fit enough to stay in the forums. Not to sound like we donít want everyone in the forums, but there are people who either donít act appropriate or just troll the forums. No one wants either of those things.


A common mistake for new members is to start making new threads about already existing subjects right off the bat. Now it's okay that it happens, but to make the moderatorís jobs easier, go ahead and use that search button. Youíll find that most of the time, another thread of the same nature exists. If a thread you want to make doesnít exist, try to make it as broad as possible so people can discuss within it.


The bar is the heart of the forums. 90% of posts happen in that thread alone. It can be intimidating to join in on the conversation at first, but if you do a fair amount of lurking, you should be fine, Itís one massive conversation about anything that moves at incredible speeds. Itís also impossible to derail because itís... well... literally about anything you want it to be. Feel free to change the subject once you get your feet wet.


You know that face book friend you have thatís constantly posting pictures of themselves and it's always in their room or bathroom. Yeah we donít really like that either. Mindless self indulgence is frowned upon. I used to break this rule all the time and it certainly didnít put me in higher places with some members. Choose the pictures you post of yourself wisely and do it sparingly. If you went out with your friends and partied and someone took pictures of you passed out on a balcony, sure, post them up. Theyíre probably hilarious, just donít post the same picture of yourself OVER AND OVER AGAIN.


The badge system we have in the forums is a great way to immerse yourself in the community by letting people know that youíre actually active. Only problem is people kinda turn it into an obsessive achievement hunt and feel they need all of them as fast as they can to feel better about themselves. Itís not possible for you to get all the badges, slow down. For example: I will never be able to obtain a beard badge, my Korean face wonít let me grow one. Donít beg for badges, youíll look like a jackass and the moderators will be annoyed by your shenanigans. Best way to do get badges is if the opportunity arises. Stop by the badge request thread, let a moderator know what youíre qualified for, show some proof and boom. Youíll have a badge.


Bros who come by only to get hits on their blog or even a different website rarely get respect. In our eyes its abuse of the forums community. If you hang out for a while and you write a post, its MAYBE okay to post something every so often in the bar. Other than that, youíll look like a tool.

Overall, just be a decent person and considerate of others. Itís not that hard. Sure itís fun to act like a jerk, but it really doesnít gain you any assets. I had to learn that the hard way. No one liked me for the longest time. I still question whether or not people find me a decent person amongst the forums. Just be cool with everyone and youíll be a BETTER PEOPLEô before you know it.   read

5:15 AM on 08.23.2011

Welcome to My Hidey-Hole

It's been a while since I've written a blog, which is why I'm gonna keep this short anyway.
This is nothing more than a short tour of my room.

This is my stupid closet.

This is where I play video games/come to cry.

This is where I hide my find my solutions for balding.

This is where I bump my knee every so often.

This is where I do my quiet business

1:39 PM on 09.08.2010

Starcraft 2 Tournaments. Starcraft 2 Tournaments Everywhere.


As ya'll know, I love me some Starcraft 2. Some would say I'm the best 1v1 player on this wicked awesome webzone and as inspiration for being the very best, I wanna see YOU fight in the Ring of Honor against your fellow Dtoiders in Starcraft 2. That's right one on one, mono y mono, beating the piss outta your fellow brethren using Zerglings, Zealots, and Marines.

Winner takes all, chumps. Lets see what we got.

Look at this fucking beast:

Jesus Christ, I fuckin shat myself lookin at it. He's like half invisible. He's gonna fuckin split my shit with that gun.

And for poops and teehees:

Look at this thing, it's a limited edition Blizzcon 09 Jim Raynor NOOBZ doll. That shit sells for a chunk a change son, if that don't get you wet, I dunno what will.

Rules n shit:
-Players get one round to give it their best
-Games will be run best 2 outta 3
-Winners move on to semi-finals, finals, whatever you wanna call them
-Cheese/All-ins are allowed
-Games will be played after 7:00PM PST
-Let me make this clear: I am not entering in my own contest. You will be fighting OTHER Dtoiders.

Blood thirsty yet? Alright, heres what I'm gonna need:

Email you use for
Race you play as.

Entries end this Sunday at like 12:00PM or something.

What are you doing? Go practice.   read

5:13 PM on 08.11.2010

FORUM ADVENTURES: #8 You're not gonna get it

So yeah.
It's been a while.
Hopefully I'll be doing more of these, just been really caught up in a ton of games.

This week, we have a special appearance from de BLOO.


10:57 PM on 06.09.2010

Left 4 Wed(ding): The Brotrip of Limitless Awesome

Let me start out by saying that I'm an idiot. I do a lot of stupid shit. I can't help myself.

Secondly, I'd like to acknowledge all the awesome people that attended the brotrip: BeverlyNoelle, SenorDoucheoise, and Aerox. This trip would not have been what it was without all of you and I LAV you all.

So let me chronicle what I did on this magnificent voyage to the Burch & Davis Union Celebration Party.


-Managed to steal 8 Mexican Coca-Colas with the help of Mrs.Gobun from her own store for the Brotrip.

-Waited for Aerox and Senor to pick up only to learn they would be super late because Senor got super drunk and boomered all over Aerox's bathroom.

-Went to BJ's for lunch with the gang and made the obvious jokes. Waiter got my order wrong but gave me a free burger because apparently I look like I wanted to punch the guy out. I continued to look pissed every time he passed by while I ate my free burger and made everyone laugh.

-Rocked on down to Palm Springs for some gas. We experienced the heat which felt like bing set ablaze by a flame thrower while on the sun trying to open a pre-heated oven.

-Played Picross 3D a bit and then had a refreshing nap.

-Arrived at the Days Inn which looked oddly similar to the motel in Dark Carnival. I pretend to shoot zombies in my head.

-Escaped the terrible sun by seeking shelter in our newly rented motel room. We then made fun of Indian kids on the National Spelling Bee while Senor and I forums next to each other.

-Went out for some dinner at a place called Culvers where I proceeded to make fun of all the white people and meth heads by pretending to talk like them. The crew feared for my life. I ate a Chipotle burger. This is vital information

-Had one beer, got a little buzzed. Hilarity was found out of my stupidity.

-Smoked a pack of my Luckies while talking to Bev and Senor. We are friends.

-I hit the sack.


-I woke up at seven a.m. and felt awful. The chipotle burger decided to assault my stomach while I slept. I went out for a smoke and fresh air. I stepped into the wretched inferno and after ten steps felt as if the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique was punched into my colon along with the Wooshi Finger Hold on my cock. Nearly collapsing, I dragged my body back to the room and plopped myself on the toilet. From there, I imitated an erupting volcano for about an hour. After I crawled back to bed, sphincter still aflame, and slept for four more hours.

-Woke up again feeling better and got ready for some lunch with the team. Everyone made fun of the way I put on cologne. Jerks.

-On the way, I get caught singing "Hunger Strike".


-We also found a legless biker.

-Went to a restaurant were I practically lost money looking at. We then had the most amazing cupcakes I've ever had.

-Arrived at the Burch Davis(Blavis) wedding and as I was introducing myself to Anthony, he interupted me mid sentence saying while glaring "I know who you are". Felt notorious.

-The love birds get married by the wonderful Linde.


-After the vows, we participated in a squirt gun Mexican Stand-Off. I shot Tony Ponce in the face 50 times. In the middle of the heated battle, dodging piss streams of water, I walked towards Anthony and said "This is for every time you've ever called me Goboon". I pulled my plastic trigger and let loose a battle cry. We made Wanted look like a pre-school scribblings. There was also pistol wiping.

-Talked to Papa Burch for quick minute. You jealous?

-Felt like shit post wedding. Thought it was heat stroke. Senor then laid one hand on my head and said "Let me science on you" and then promptly told me I was pussy and that I was hung over. Then I took enough peelz to kill a small elephant. Felt better.

- Arcaded it up. Got bored and went mini-golfing in 120 degree weather. AT NIGHT.

-Went to Conrad's crib and hung out for a bit. We disagreed on a lot of things, but he's still a cool cat. We also played Rockband.

-Crashed at the motel hoping the epicness would never end.


-Woke up and got ready to hit the road. Was incredibly sad to see my trip closing on an end.

-Half way there, we found an In-N-Out. Pulling in, we discover it is infested with three horrible snot nosed kids. Aerox was not amused in the least, so we boned out on empty. However, before we left, I needed a smoke and I found myself in a Cheaters-esque photoshoot.


-Found an In-N-Out in Redlands. Hilarity Ensued.



-Arrived at Mrs.Gobun's house and I told her of my adventures ending the trip.

All in all, it was the one of the most awesome trips I've ever taken. I encourage anyone to hang out with their local Dtoid members. They're incredible people all with a story and none in the least bit awkward.


I miss my bros dearly.   read

1:59 AM on 05.05.2010


Alright. This sucked. It really did.
All of your pictures were pretty amazing, honestly.
If I could give everyone here beta codes I would.

But the winner is:


Grats gurl, you earned it.   read

9:38 PM on 04.30.2010

CONTESTOID: Win Gobun's Starcraft 2 Beta Key

Sup boners.
I woke up this morning to find Blizzard has sent me an extra Starcraft 2 Beta Key.
I don't need it so heres what I'm gonna do.


Draw me doing something awesome and post it in the comments section. My favorite will win the code.
That's it. Entries end May 5 12:00 AM PST.

Here's your reference.

The winner will have the beta code PM'd to him/her.

Well what are you waiting for? Get those crayons out, kiddies!   read

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