Alright so lately, I've been GIVING away Tribes: Ascend beta keys.
If you don't know what Tribes: Ascend is, time to open up those holes on the sides of your heads and listen with your eyes what I'm about to fucking type.
This game. This game. This gaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmeeeeee.
It's so good.
Basically, it's like Space Quidditch except the gay wizards and broomsticks are replaced with space robot people that have kickass jetpacks and frictionless boots for GOING FAST. You like have this rocket launcher thing that shoots blue plates of spaghetti at people, but you gotta time it right. Heres a picture of the learning curve.
Yeah. Basically it makes you into a man of men.
Anyway, you have a fucking jetpack. What more could I say? Oh yeah, thats right. FRICITIONLESS-GODDAMN-BOOTS. You know what that means? Going like Mach-5 down a fucking bunnyslope with your bros while fistpumping to some speedcore. Hell, you'd probably will see more va-jay-jay playing this video game then trying to pick up chicks in your mustard yellow pinto.
Here are some more fine points:
-Did I mention there are explosions? Everything is exploding, all at once, constantly, every second.
-Theres also like 30 fucking classes or something.
-Game has been patched every week so far
-Automatic weapons are no longer hitscan, so they're no longer bullshit
-16 vs. 16 CTF
-Turrets, tanks, motorcycles, jets
Oh yeah. The game is free. FREE TO PLAY BABBY.
"But Gobuns! How do I get this fine piece of man-making amusement on my COMPUTADORA"
1. Shut the fuck up.
2. Open your stupid facebook.
3. Scroll past the dumb bitch with the duckface, shes not gonna suck your dick.
4. Like that Tribes: Ascend fanbookpage shit.
After you follow those steps, it'll probably spit a beta code at you and you'll be ready to shazbot all over the place.
There you go. I'm GIVING everyone the gift of a good fucking video game and if you don't like it, you can GIVE me some oral pleasure while GIVING me all your moneys.