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Before the panties get twisted, I am not an advocate of either side of this gamer gate thing, but sometimes you gotta rant.


"Check your privilidge"
If you're white and male, automatically you are oveflowing in an abundance of privilege. Because someone else said so, mkay. If you also happen to be straight, the worst of all orientations clearly, then the general consensus is you have never suffered any trauma in your life and if you have, it's unlikely to compare to trauma suffered by anyone that does not identify as you. Or you know look like you. Ya pasty mick fuck.



The problem with this is very simple, you don't need me to spell it out. Every damn person matters, everyone should be heard and no one suffering should ever be demeaned. Everyone is someones child. If your child was bullied because they were gay, if they were in agony because they didn't feel they were in the right body and if they were dismissed because they tick the "default privilege" boxes, how would you feel?

"I'm *insert recent sexual/gender orietantion that never existed before the last couple of years and probably wouldn't if the internet didn't exist*"


I'm funny about my own sexual orientation, mainly because none of the mainstream ones really apply to me. I like tits and hips, but I don't really enjoy the gay 'scene', because all I've ever been exposed to was the negative side. This is a personal opinion based on relationships and nothing to do with political stances. Anyway, just a brief disclaimer before someone says "who are you to speak, you're just a bear". You don't know what/who I am, so never assume.

It's not exactly the claiming you're a hypersexual, shoelace queer avodcao, so much as that you assume eveyrone else should telepathically be aware of this and if they say "excuse me m'aam" when addressing you in public, because maybe you dropped something or maybe they need to get by you, that you lose your shit, log in to tumblr and start ranting about the oppresssive world.


"I was raped by ..."
Anything that is not actually rape. In an episode of Transparent, a feminist lecturer says that an exclamation mark ! is seen as a masculine and by existing is a form of rape against the feminine.

Please do shut up with your stupid stupid noise.


Claiming that you are being raped daily by even the existence of white CIS males, grammar rules or a mascara pen on a shelf, because it represents phallic dominnance is not only moronic, but completely dismissive and insulting to anyone on this planet who has been raped or suffered sexual/abusive trauma.


"CIS"


No, calm yourself before you pass out, I don't just mean this word.

People that are upset when strangers or anyone label them on their behalf, then doing so in return are hypocritcial and childish. If a man says he's a man, if a woman says she's a woman, she does not need to include CIS in a disclaimer if they do not wish, for your benefit. Plus I can't look at that word without thinking of cysts, which ain't nobody got time for. But I don't just mean CIS, obviously not and I understand what it means, in the correct, non-aggressive context, but the general notion that you alone have the right to choose what you are is fine. I do it, other people do it.

But if you can dish it, you may as well take it, because textual/verbally assaulting someone else and telling them what they are, completely eradicates any sympathy you are owed and the basic point you tried to get across


"Sides/Gates/Fences"



In what world do we live in, where it is not common knowledge and common sentiment, that anyone is susceptible to abuse and everyone has the same rights (well they should, but the world we live in ya know)? I see many people on Twitter alone, that hark of the obscenity of segregation, yet they themselves are the most prominent advocators via self segregation. Because if you don't stand out, if you're not in your own bubble, then you won't get as much attention, you're not as special and you can't play that triumph victimising card, which many people do like to play.


If we look at the gaming industry alone, we know that there is corruption and sexism. If we make our eyes less Brock-like, we know that the same is said of so many other industries in the world. Gaming is no different, the shock factor shouldn't be so damn high. Bigotry is rampant, sexism is tragically alive and well and we should not put up with it, but so far the efforts made, the howls screamed have no bettered that for anyone.

We spend so much time catergoirising and arguing over that, the point is missed and lost. It's like when you sit down and make a colour coded chart of when you're going to study before exams and you don't really follow it. You spent more time with your highlighter and writing headers in as nice a pensmanship as possible, than you did studying and improving your chances of succeeding. It's the same with the methods that have been going on currently.

"We are warriors, we are soldiers"


Show me your scars. Show me your wounds. Show me anything that validates using that terminglogy as you sit in front of your laptop, with your latest iphone and argue online. Giving yourself a title that is something someone else actually is, literally and deserves, when you do not, is disrespectful and arrogant.


"If you're not with us you're against us"
Am I? ...and? .....that it? Ok good, have a nice day.










It doesn't.....moving on!

BEST ELBOWS IN VIDYJA GURMS!

Donkey Kong

DK's elbow double as a shag. And by shag I don't mean what you think I mean, dirty birdies. His fluffy, carpet like fur covers all of his body, but excentuates his strong elbows, in a way that would make a brony convert.


Rayman

Most would say "Hey Glowbear, Rayman doesn't even harm arms, let alone elbows" - but I say to you, who has the right to judge what an elbow is. If you're white and hetreosexual then I don't want to hear you dismiss this man of ray's game-given right to be acknowledged as an elbow wielder. Seriously get a grip.


Worms

Last year, scandal ripped the nations of the earth when it was revealed that Worms, are actually elbows. This makes absolute sense if you think about it, especially in relation to the strength and angling needed to hurl bombs and various other weapons. Without elbows, there can be no victory.


Big Daddy

Big Daddy's elbows deserve a spot on this list, because they are vital to his capacity to wield a massive fucking drill and hoist it up and down as it completel annihiliates anyone that he shakes hands with.


Bayonetta




Need I say more?

Walugi

I'm frothing up here.

 

Awful Gaming Fanfiction #5 Half Life Consequences








GlowBear
6:27 AM on 09.21.2014

I thought it would be a good idea to start a series of readings based on terrible gaming fanfiction. The first bundle are depraved sexual nopeness and then we start getting it the flat out stupid, in terms of 'plot' and use of the English language. More will come, I intend to update frequently on our channel









Mama always told me "if you can't find a bear to marry and have to be a filthy inter-racialist, then at least get someone with a good set of eyebrows". I'm still searching Mama...so stop texting about it.

People often assume that to beat a game you need skills, you need lots of ammo and lots of tactics. But no, what you really need is a warm brow. Trust me, the following video game characters got where they are today because of
 Chins! I mean...Eyebrows!


Here we go with the Top Foreheard Fluff Patches in Video games


Bowser


I was this close to just having him on the list and leaving it. Look at that weave-manship. Look at the vibrancy and the flow. Those are some majestic eye brows Bowser, I'm frankly now confused as to why Princess Peach never fell for you.



Tails


Tails has a rare condition found in video game land, knowns as "dem brows won't quit". What started off as a normal set of eye brows, has rapidly expanded since Tails hit puberty and covered his entire body. The truth is, Sonic collects coins because he needs enough money to pay for an experimental eyebrow calming procedure that should not only stop Tails from being such a rampant butch, but eventually reduce the eyebrows to their originally volume.


A photo of Tails pre-pubescent years.


Brock


Brock has 4 eye brows

Angela Lansbury


She's appeared in Street Fighter, Hatoful Boyfriend, she played the Latino dude in Gears of War and well, need I say more?


Angry Birds


All the gang here (and they are a gang in every sense) have a wide array of multicultural, binary eyebrows. And best of all you can take them with you on the commute to work.

Crash Bandicoot


Crash is a cheeky little scamp who runs around jungles topless. His eyebrows are indicative of the rebellious era of the Playstation 1 and are no doubt the reason he smiles so much.

Jax from him and Daxter

Why eyebrows matters to characters...



This is wrong!!








It's easy to find yourself in a catch-22 situation when embarking on the life changing road that is video gaming. One can be either too focused on minute details such as graphical intricacies or find themselves too complacent and offering no care whatsoever. 

Yet regardless of your stance on gaming as a hobby or gaming as a scandal laced fanart hotbed of controversy, lets not forget that video games have given us some damn mighty chins. Yes chins, the eyes of the neck block, the "I have no free hands, so I'll use it to turn on this light switch", what makes us stand out, sometimes literally and dangerously. Chins!



Here we go with the top Chins in Video games


Lara Croft


The lass from Tomb Raider 1 aka illegitimate sister of Dot Cotton, is one of the few video game characters who uses their own chin as not only a lock picking tool but also a means of flat out cutting through steel.

Wario 


He has squished testicles for a chin, so obviously the other panel of fictional judges that reviewed this racy article were hesitant to allow him a spot on this list. But who are we to deny a ballsack glued to your underlip area? If Wario was a real person, he'd be a bastard in an ice cream van. But for now, he's just a video game character rocking a double chin of win. Kinda apt that Walugi has a dildo for one.


Altair


This geezer must have a magnificent chin because he's a very shy boy and likes to hide his chin, so I'm assuming it's quite majestic but him being a humble little stabber makes him not want any attention. You know...cos kamikaze leaps from great heights into a cart of beggar wenches doesn't make anyone bat an eyelash.

Then we have...


Oh hell no, NEXT!

Sleeping Dog Cop Guy

Sleeping Dog Cop has a nice chin, because we need to include some multi-ethnic chinnage here. He went a bit overboard with the tattoos though.

Angela Merkel


If ever there was a video game chin I'd make love to it'd be this one. Mmmhmmm.


Prof Layton 

This suave smarty pants has one of the most unique chins across any platform or genre, because it looks like a hat that sits on his head. He's the Linda Lovelace of Nintendo.


Marcus Fenix, you big manly man you. Look at that man chin. Is there anything more masculine, more rawr than your own jawline. I don't think so. THIS IS VIDEOGAMES! UH GET SOME!

Honourable mention of those less fortunate...



Poor Kirby, born in the ghetto, gangsta punks stole this CIS blobs chin



Pacman is void of chin and yet somehow he got himself a wife. I dunno about you, but a having a chin is a vital part of supporting yourself during certain acts of lovemaking or as I call is, velvet-spelunking. Here, here Pacman, you're da real MVP!








Recently with the death of Robin Williams, depression has been discussed quite a lot. Also with the push of Depression Quest and ironically the scandal involving the personal lives of the creator Zoe Quinn and others (I won't spread the Burger and Fries blog because that's not necessary), the value and merit of the game has been discussed.




To be honest, I never really heard much about the world of depression before the past few years. I knew someone in University who suffered it and took medication. I didn't quite get it. I said the stereotypical line to myself "how can he be doing well in university, have a boyfriend, a car he adores, a loving network of family and friends" and yet he often finds himself in this black hole, he can't explain where he needs to be alone and take medication. I will say that will educating yourself is important in life, people cannot be blamed for simply not knowing the details of every illness and situation that all humans can/do go through. There's a difference between being unaware and plain ignorant.


It was my first encounter and it wasn't until 2 years later I would go through my own bouts. I don't suffer from clinical depression, but I do go through extreme cases of it. I endured it for a year straight, loss of hope, waning faith and it was all new to me. I'd been sad of course, but this was new, fresh, roaring with life and yet so empty and dead.
Then last year before Christmas I went through a pretty insane patch of it, that still occurs today. This time, something new hit me...anxiety. Oh fuck. I can't describe it gracefully. You kinda know it's coming and you want to fight it, you sit in a silent panic internally, willing it to subside and not to come back. I had to phone a close friend one night, just to talk to her, I was crying, I was desperate...and I was so frightened.

I'd like to also to just highlight that just because someone is not diagnosed with depression or suffering it due to a chemical imbalance, does not make the depression they go through any less harrowing or invalid for purpose of discussion.



I've written before about how gaming can help you through low points. Another cblogger has also shared their experiences. But while it's good to talk about these things, a lot can be said for not delving in to talks of depression as a topic, taking a back seat and playing video games like Depressing Quest and Actual Sunlight, can have a doubled edge sword effect. 



I think it's perfectly ok and understandable to play these games that you can relate to or that can give you even a glimmer of insight, but on the other hand I would like to heavily promote the idea that it's also ok to not indulge in them.

Playing video games can help you when you're going through stages of depression, because you're playing something immersive that takes your mind off it. It doesn't fix anything, but it gives you a mental relief. I can play Mass Effect, Pokémon, Metro or anything and just focus on getting through the levels, indulging in the story and for a little while not being bogged down in what I'm usually thinking when not heavily distracted.


HEAVILY DISTROOCTED!

I wouldn't ever play games like Depression Quest, whilst being in a very dark place. I've started a playthrough of Actual Sunlight and I'm not sure if I want to continue. For me if I do, it will be to simply complete the game. Again if you do for whatever reason, then that's good, that's dandy. But for me I see it as a slippery slope, one that is letting me succumb even further. For others that feeling of understanding can make them, momentarily perhaps, feel less alone and so for that reason, I get it.



On the Scary Granules Channel I begun a play-through of The Cat Lady. Unlike Depression Quest and Actual Sunlight, this game is brutal in it's visceral, cerebral bluntness and gore. The game is like a shock of emotional, deathly lightning, that's how I felt when the initial subdued, bleak opening dialogue ended.

I decided to not go on any further after a certain point of the game. It was very close to home in the subject matter and I could get a feeling that no matter how this game ended, there would be no uplifting conclusion or aftermath, not really. The path being taken by our heroine, if you could call her that, was not one of redemption or resolve and upon reading the script for the remainder of the game I didn't want to play, I found out that my assumptions were pretty accurate. Though the elves and choices you make and characters you come across were a lot more morbid than I would have guessed.



Again this is a case of something having the ability to resonate with someone, but whether that leads to a positive or negative effect is wholly dependant on the individual.


Summary of things I've learnt under the "gaming and depression" umbrella:
There's a lot to be said for playing online multiplayer games when you're in a rough spot, this is coming from a 95% single player gamer. It's nice to play with friends or people who are cool online, for a brief moment, you kinda lose that feeling of loneliness.

Decide for yourself what is the best course when it comes to picking a game to play when you're depressed. Go with your gut and trust yourself whether you decide to play something where depression is the primary theme or decide not to. It's ok either way.

Don't beat yourself up or beat others for not knowing what you're going through. How could they, it's such a solitary, internal personal conflict. 

Play games for what they are, don't let the e-drama ruin that for you.

For those that are interested and not aware, though you probably are - Depression Quest is free currently on Steam. Despite the actions of the creator, that doesn't really encourage me one way or the other, not to at least give folks a heads up and decide for themselves.