Aliens Part 2: Spanked to deadness

When I wrote a little bullet pointed except regarding Aliens Colonial Marines I hadn't yet finished the game. I just wanted to make note of the things that had annoyed me so far. Well upon finishing the game - guess what...Round 2 folks and yes more nuisances. Yes there are spoilers, but given that it’s this game, technically there’s no such thing as spoilers. Just warnings!

Here's a recap of some issues I wrote about before:

You play as Ray Liotta. The graphics are poor, the game lags like it has some sort of epileptic fit and they completely smudged the franchise with their senseless story.


Look at this picture, it numbs some of the disappointment

Husk Puppies
Those damn husk aliens that everyone keeps posting gifs about. I mean...what was the explanation for that? Do any of us even care? Plus you think that this might add some sort of Amnesia style creepiness to the game but you can get past the geriatric tap dancers quite easily. There's 2 in particular that are right beside each other and you can walk through without any problems. I thought at first it was a glitch, but once I got past them, up the stairs and well out of reach THEN they started to move. Good grief Gearbox

Hicks
Hicks is a boring ass character in Aliens and you know it. But if you get a paid gig and are in a game supposedly making homage to that major film you were in, pull your finger out and wake up Michael Biehn. Your voice acting is not only lacklustre, depressing and sounds like you just got recorded during a nap, but it's near inaudible. Speak up, don't be shy son.

Then there’s the actual introduction to the character. So you finally get to him and he’s a marine with a bag on his head. We’re all not suppose to guess that it’s Hicks, but we damn well know it can’t be anyone else. So naturally we don’t get the bag taken off his head until we chuck him in a vehicle and take him a few miles down the road, then wait for the commanding officer to tell us to remove the bag. Really? You wouldn’t have taken the bag off as soon as you reached the marine you’ve been assigned to rescue for the past flipping ages? Dear lord Gearbox.




Film homage schilm blomage
You get references to the previous films, primarily Alien and Aliens and you even visit the Derelict Ship and walk right up to the Space Jokey. And no one gives a damn.



When they see the ship they don’t really give a damn, we get a basic “woah” when the Space Jockey is happened upon. From start to finish, no one gives two fucks in a handmade wicker basket about anything that’s going on or the implications. I can just imagine how Dr.Shaw from Prometheus would gurn at their knucklehead antics.


Remember when we all use to think this was a giant elephant pilot

The ‘battle’ with the Queen isn’t a battle, it’s a button pushing with ease stroll around the arse end of a ship and then bye bye.


Heartless Fiends
Look at the way the other characters are acting as Cruz, their commanding officer sacrifices his life to save them and take the Queen out.

Could you care any less, you lazy, selfish, heartless scumbags.

The Ending
What a load of nothingness. The ending with Weyland Yutani is just rubbish. Oh you got everything ou need Bishop? To do what, take the company down? I’m so glad you’re a walking excel spreadsheet of their financial transactions.


This is what they did to MY WORLD?