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1:10 PM on 06.30.2009

So I Got A Package From The Postman This Morning.

So there I was on Tuesday morning having my beauty sleep as beautiful people do, when I was rudely awakened by the postman at 9am. What could it be I wonder. So I got up and went down the stairs and...

...OH MY GOD IT'S A PACKAGE FROM ANTHONY BURCH. A reconstruction has been used as the original packaging was binned but I tell you the truth when I was shocked to see such appalling handwriting on the package. I almost thought it was from Gandysampras at first. So anyway, I opened the package to find...

...VIDEO GAMES! Only about a week after winning the contest, my prizes were here. That certainly made up for the handwriting. I almost noticed that it cost $12.50 to send the package. Even in these hard economic times, Anthony Burch still does his best to bring joy to the people. What was interesting is that the Warioland box had French parts on it. Canadian version maybe? Of course the main question is, do they actually work since they're NTSC titles?

I'm happy to report that they do! Luckily, the NTSC version of Quantum Of Solace is region free, so my 360 accepted it no problem. As for the Wii games, with a little NOT GeckoOS, both of them also worked fine.

So there we have it, 3 new games to play when I had none left that I hadn't already completed. Clearly Anthony Burch is a master of timing. I bet he got those skills from Braid. Anyway as for impressions, I've played Quantum Of Solace for a few hours now and it's actually pretty fun no thanks to the CoD4 engine. However it's criminally short. I only tried the tutorial level of Wario Land: Shake It but it seemed like a pretty decent platformer. As for Nights: Journey Of Dreams, I only put the disc in to see it worked as I'll play that and Wario Land once I've completed Quantum Of Solace. So thanks go to Anthony Burch for the games and Papa Burch for picking my shoop as the winning entry.   read

4:36 PM on 05.06.2009

Quad Wielding Gibson


4:56 PM on 05.05.2009

Red Faction Guerrilla Impressions

(originally posted on Mediawhorenetwork)

One of my first posts on MWN was an impressions post for the Red Faction: Guerrilla beta that was taking place at the time. At the time I thought It had potential but it still had a bit to go. Well the game has been worked on since then and so we come to April, where myTHQ users could sign up for free and get the new single player Red Faction: Guerrilla demo for free. Being the loyal, hard working myTHQ member I am, I quickly took that offer and have now been playing the demo for about a week before everyone else got it yesterday. So how does it compare with the beta Iíve played?

Well first off if youíre looking for story then youíre not in the right place at all. Red Faction: Guerrilla may be brainless action, but itís fun brainless action. So the story is pretty simple. Basically youíre on Mars and part of the Red Faction, a rebel group who is trying to start a revolution against the cliche evil EDF (Earth Defence Force?). We are never told why theyíre evil, but they are so theyíre the enemy. You also have the help of the miners, who are sick of the EDFís oppression but are too scared it seems to have their own revolution so itís up to you and your fellow dirty commies to help them go Viva La Revolution on the EDFís arses.

So the demo mission is to steal a walker for the miners. Should be simple right, so letís get to work. Now the gameís main attention grabber is the physics and the destruction you can course and for once, when a developer says that you can destroy anything, they mean it. From bridges to portable loos, virtually everything can be destroyed it one way or another and boy is it fun. It gives you various options in your destruction too. Do you smash the toilet down with your mighty Moon Hammer or do you make a minuscule effort by using vehicles like the tank or the walker? Do you destroy a bridge with the hands of a walker or do you strategically plant bombs on the frames of the bridge? Itís great stuff and hopefully means that the final game shouldnít get too repetitive.

So Iím going through the camp, hitting everything in the way with my hammer, or with a gun for the EDF drones, where the arguably weakest part shows in that the shooting is pretty generic really. The weapon changing system is also a little clunky with up to 4 weapons being available by pressing RB/R1 and the analog stick left, right, up or down. That being said the focus is more on the other toys than anything else. Eventually after I make my way through the camp, I reach the walker, and this is where the fun starts. The walker is one mighty of object of destruction and you can destroy so much with it that the game has to slow down a little just to keep going. The main idea that came from the game is that if you like destroying things, then this is the game for you.

So after getting the Walker to our vehicle, weíre onto the final section of the demo, which is a truck chase with you on the back with a big, awesome turret. Itís a good sign with this as it shows that the game might have more variety than just being on foot all of the time. After the demo finishes, Iím told Iíve unlocked hard, which is the same as normal except for a smaller health bar, and a trailer which promises a huge open map and up to 120 missions. This sounds pretty promising if itís true repeated playthroughs did give the worry that the game might be a bit repetitive. The game also promises about 17 weapons as well, which should be nice for multiplayer mode. In conclusion, the positives outweigh the negatives and Iím a lot more excited about Red Faction: Guerrilla than I was before. That being said I think Iíll wait for a while when itís released to see if the price drops. Red Faction: Guerrilla is out on June 5th for Xbox 360, Playstation 3 and PC. Viva La Revolution comrade!   read

5:49 PM on 04.12.2009

Those About To Die: Ganandos and Manjini

Oh Ganandos, we could have been friends. This all started with a nice drive out in the country to see your wonderful castle. I was never here to save the President's Daughter like you thought I was. And when I came into one of your houses, I was only looking for someone to point me to the castle. So when one of you gave me that face when I asked you for directions, I knew we wouldn't be friends. You see, giving me a look like that, I had no choice but to shoot one of you in the face. Was that enough of a warning not to piss you off? No, you went one further and knocked my car off a cliff. I'd worked for years to earn that car. There was no way you were getting away with that.

I have no regrets about walking into a village full of innocent Ganandos and popping their heads off one after another. Trashing another guy's car is like shooting him in the balls and that's not cool. Even your Dr.Salvador tried to reason with me but despite his admirable resistance to bullets, even he couldn't stop himself from dying at the hands of my pistol. But I suppose I can't blame you completely. After all I didn't know that you were all being controlled by some crazy cosplaying freak and his midget bitch, but they should have realized that I was only coming to your village for a quiet week away, not on some rescue mission and once they made you trash my car, there was no going back. You could have resisted their orders. Gone Communist on their asses like your Cuban equivalents and rose above their parasite dictatorship. But no, you just blindly followed orders and you all ended up dead, along with that parasite that blinded you. Or so I thought.

You just couldn't call it a day could you Las Plagas. You just had to go infect another village didn't you. Manjini, it wasn't completely your fault, but you too could have resisted from being controlled. I mean you could have easily have fought a civil war with David Bowie and his bitch and arms monkey, but you were weak and submissive and when you gave me the same eye that first Ganando had given me five years prior, I knew this was going to end well with me and you riding off into the sunset. The feelings I had gotten in Spain returned and I slaughtered every single one of you.

Still, if anything good has come out of encountering both you Ganandos and Manjini, is that I did get some sort of sick thrill out of it and £60's worth of fun. It doesn't make up for my car being destroyed, but I feel that you did indeed get your just deserts. And for giving me something interesting to do while I was on holiday in Spain and Kijuju, I salute you.   read

11:32 AM on 04.01.2009

Scumbag Jim Sterling Joins The Daily Mail Editorial Team

So I was checking my feeds this morning when I came across this Daily Mail article. Now I only have a Daily Mail feed because they make me laugh but I was shocked to find who we thought was our friend, Jim Sterling, writing for them, claiming that teenagers say that violent video games make them murderers. We trusted you Sterling!

(the evidence)   read

6:24 PM on 02.17.2009

My Evil Doppelganger Reveals Himself

Uncanny no? This is one of the possibly fathers of the kid that came from the 15 year old whore that the British media has been wanking over recently. As Bunnyrabbit2 quite right pointed out, one of these fathers looks a lot like me. So I've come to the conclusion that he must be my evil doppelganger and if he is the father then he has given his sperm to the anti-christ. Now I've got to fight him to the death for the world's sake. This evil one came first but I will have victory!

Battle plan ideas?   read

2:48 PM on 02.12.2009

I heard it's Hamzakah day

Looks like our community manager has a dark side.   read

2:39 PM on 02.12.2009

Why I'm Excited For WWE Legends Of Wrestlemania

Originally posted at Mediawhorenetwork

I used to love wrestling and itís one of the things Iíll look back at when remembering childhood. From the late 90s to early 00s, I was obsessed with it. I watched it all of the time, played with the action figures, played the games and even wrestled with one of my brothers a lot. People can say itís fake and boring, which is true now (at least the boring part) but up until about 2003/2004, I didnít care, it was great. Like I said before, I played the games, and up until 2005 I got every WWE Smackdown game year after year. On the one hand I stopped because the games were beginning to drop in quality but on the other hand it was because there was less and less wrestlers who I knew.

Now Iíve played a few since and I thought WWE Smackdown vs Raw and ECW 2008 were pretty fun from what I played, but I only knew a few of the wrestlers in it. One thing that kept me coming back were the legends. It gave me the opportunity to play as legends such as The Rock, Stone Cold and Mankind even when theyíd long finished wrestling. You can imagine that I wasnít happy when I heard that legends had been removed from the series altogether in itís latest iteration. Luckily for me though, THQ are making a game that could make me feel like a 7 year old again, WWE Legends Of Wrestlemania. Hit the jump to see why I think this game could be great and why it could suck.

1) Itís legends of WWE!

Even though only 8 wrestlers have been announced, the lineup is already good. So far you have The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, Bret Hart, The Ultimate Warrior, Shawn Micheals and Roddy Piper. These are all legends of the business and are great choices for the game, spanning from the 80s right up to the recently retired legends. Even not so great legends would be welcome, just for nostalgia. I mean Bret Hartís there, so why not have the whole Hart Foundation? And I see Shawn Michaels, so old DX would be welcome.

2) Create a legend

Now of course THQ couldnít possibly fit every WWE legend in this game and there are going to be some wrestler missing that you think would fit right in the game. Now while complicated now, the Create A Wrestler feature of the WWE Smackdown games can produce some stunning results when used right. So the fact that there will be a similar feature in this game is a good thing. Add the fact that the recent Smackdown games have allowed custom music and entrances and thereís great potential. Is Triple H not in the game and you want to recreate one of the many great matches between him and The Rock? As long as you have the time, you could maker it happen.
3) Controls more reminiscent of the older Smackdown games[/b]

It could certainly be argued that these days the controls in the WWE wrestling games are way too complicated. Maybe itís just a learning curve but when I first played with these controls I found them really hard to use. Luckily, Legends Of Wrestlemania is going for a simple, more arcade like option, hopefully reminiscent of the older WWE games. What was wrong with those controls anyway? They were easy to learn and easy to use.

Now for the reasons why it could suck big time.

1) Legends that fell out with Mr.McMahon are excluded

Itís nothing you can argue about really. After all, Mr.McMahon owns WWE and heís not going to let ex-WWE wrestlers that heís fallen out with be in a video game based on the company he helped to revolutionize. Unfortunately for us though, this means a number of greats such as Randy Savage and Mick Foleyís various aliases wonít be in this game, just to name a few. I know I said about Create A Legend, but it takes skill to make really good custom wrestlers these days, and copying wrestlers from sites like might not be for you.

2) Legends Of Wrestling

Wait a minute you say, wasnít a game like this already made? Yes, and it was called Legends Of Wrestling. It had good legends of the industry but it was a poor mess of a game. Now it was made by the same guys that made WWF War Zone and WWF Attitude, but it still shows that just having legends a good game doesnít make.

3) We havenít seen a lot of it

This game was announced at E3 last year, but so far weíve only seen 1 unveilment trailer, a bunch of screenshots and the announcement of 8 wrestlers. The game comes out in March. Now Iím not one for hype but thatís not much to show for yourself when your game is out in a month or so. Hopefully a demo will be released but it seems very cocky of THQ to expect us to drop £40/$60 on this game when we havenít seen that much of it. By this point in comparison, a Smackdown game would have had most of itís roster announced and there would be plenty of trailers.

Despite these points, Iím still optimistic about Legends Of Wrestlemania. Of course if you donít give a fuck about this game then move right on good sir.   read

4:48 PM on 02.01.2009

10 Things You May Or May Not Know About Gibbo

1. My oldest Brother is autistic
It sucks. He has been since he was born and eventually he had to go to a care home but our family has had to live with it for a good 28 years. We still love him though although it's depressing to think what could have been. I can never laugh at autistic people.

2. I had to be checked for many things when I was born
Like I said before my oldest Brother has autism but my Dad also has a bent spine. As it's possible that these could be passed on, I had to be checked for both when I was first born. Luckily I have neither.

3. I'm only 15
Most people know this now but for those who don't, I'm 15 and 10 months old. It shocks people when they find out, but I see this as a good thing, since they're usually shocked by how mature I am. Most people who have asked me about it thought I was around 18.

4. I'm terribly shy
I hate it. If I know the person and share interests and whatnot, then I can chat to them fine. But if it's someone I don't know or if I don't know about their interests enough then I become really shy, usually only responding to them. You might notice this shyness in EUFNF. Hopefully one day I'll be less shy.

5. I used to be really into spriting
The first community I joined on the internet was the Sonic Spriter's Network. Later on I joined a different Sonic Spriting community and stayed there a good 2 or 3 years. I was really good at spriting at one point, but eventually I got bored of it all and moved on. I still have good memories though. Maybe one day I'll come back to the spriter within me.

6. I might potentially never drink alcohol
All of my family likes to drink alcohol and throughout my life I have been the victim of it. I know alot of people say that drunk people are great when you're drunk with them but the amount of times I've been upset or pissed off from drunk people has really put me off alcohol. It's not as if I even want to try it, desite my Dad's best efforts. Perhaps time will tell.

7. I am quite the pacifist
Simply put, despite how angry I might get, I will never resort to violent behaviour. I've been tempted so many times but it's just not in me to do it.

8. I make ameatur movies
Some people know this but as a side hobby I make amateur movies. My only problem is that so far the only actor I have is myself. This usually leads to some funny hijinks. What I've done isn't that great, but I find it a fun thing to do. Think of me as Uwe Boll except not German and I don't think I'm a misunderstood film maker.

9. I used to really love wrestling
Before The Rock left WWE for good anyway. It's partly my Middle Brother's fault for this, which is my Dad's fault. My Dad got my brother into wrestling when he was a kid and so my Middle Brother did the same to me around the attitude era. I watched it all the time, got the figures, got the games, hell I even wrestled with my Middle Brother (screw you "Don't do this at home"). I don't care what people say about wrestling being fake and whatnot, when it was at it's prime I loved the hell out of it and I still look back fondly.

10. I got really depressed when my Middle Brother went to University
That was 7 years ago now so It doesn't bother me anymore, but when he first left, I was really bummed for a long time. If you have a sibling, you can understand that there's a relationship (not the love kind) with them that's just not the same as with your Mum and Dad. They understand you perhaps the most of all of your family and you can certainly do a lot more things with them. At that point, he was gone. I didn't socialize outside of school with my friends so he was the only one I could do things with. There's a flipside though. As I got used to it, it made be realize how much my Middle Brother means to me and I make the most of every time I see him now. He's one of my idols anyway.

So there you have it. Well done on wasting 5 minutes of your life.   read

3:22 PM on 01.29.2009

Not So Turning Point Rig: 2009 Edition

Originally posted at

I meant to get this done by the end of last year but certain events which I won't go into detail about, prevented me from doing it. So now, a little later than planned, here is a look at my gaming brothel, year 2.

First off we have my laptop, very kindly given to me as an early Christmas present. Apologies for the bad lighting, but it's the camera, not me but I'm not complaing since it was free. It may not be able to play games well but I've had no problem with it after I installed XP as a dual boot. Screw Vista. You can see me having just logged on to IRC to talk with the other whores. I won't list the specs since they're nothing special.

My new baby monitor that I got after Christmas. I lived on a 15' CRT for nearly 16 years for gaming and it just had to go. So now I've got this 19' LG monitor, HD and all. The only downside is that I'll need a VGA Box before I can use it for anything other than an Xbox 360. As for the sound, it's nothing special, just a cheap pair of 2.0 speakers made to work with the 360's VGA cable via a stereo jack coupler. It's no 50' Samsung TV like Excremento just got, but it'll do for me. Also, notice the two dogs, because a winner always needs Gromit and a Scooby Doo knockoff to cheer him on. (Since the picture was taken, the speakers have been replaced with better ones)

Here we can see the Xbox 360, which is proudly running with a green light, for now fingers crossed. You can also see a PS2 GH3 Kramer and a tempermental 360 GH3 Les Paul, although ironically, I hardly play Guitar Hero. I'm a Rock Band man. As you can see, there's a USB cable coming out the Xbox 360. That's because I prefer to use a wired controller, as I can put up with wires for the sake of not worrying about battery life. I do have a wireless controller though for when I need it. Now wait a minute, what's that box of a certain robot's image down there?

Ah yes of course! It's my homemade Mr.Destructoid helmet that I made for a charity "rockfest". Since its job was done I've used it for storing all the controllers and wires for my other consoles. They wait patiently to once again be used once I get a VGA box. There's also a PSone at the bottom acting as a brain.

Here's my "bunch of random wires and crap" basket , containing all kinds of plugs, cables and connectors. We also have my logitech mic for eventual podcasting and Rock Band singing marathons as well as my DS, Xbox 360 wireless controller and my recently obtained iPod Nano.

My Xbox 360 games, there on the table for easy access. They're also in order of played, for more ease of access. As you can see, I've been neglecting Crackdown, but I blame them damn Russians on the second island. You can also see my "epic" collection of DVDs owned by ME. Still, The Dark Knight, Ghostbusters and Family Guy season 1 isn't a bad start. Man does this camcorder suck for photos.

And finally, all my other games as well as a random bunch of crap that I couldn't find room for. Also notice the Megadrive games hiding at the left. Nothing much else to say here since you can't really tell which games are which. I hope you enjoyed laughing at my excuse for a gaming brothel, but I'm proud of what I've achieved in a year.

Also, cocks.   read

6:58 PM on 01.03.2009

I hugged Vlambo and...

now I'm tired.   read

4:56 PM on 12.27.2008

Destructoid: Year One not by Frank Miller

It was December 31st 2007 when I first visited Destructoid and decided to sign up. Too be honest I don't really remember alot of the occasion; I mean it wasn't exactly something I thought would change my life as drastically as it has. I guess I just thought I'd try a different community for a while. So I signed up, had a look around and stayed, eventually becoming the only community I would be at on the internet. So was it the articles that made me stay? The podcasts? The community? A little bit of everything I'm guessing.

I suppose this is a good thing but to me, Destructoid's writers have always felt like they're writing as one of us. They're not some just "professional games journalists" who writs like they have the emotions of a Terminator but are opinionated people with a good sense of humour and knowledge. Not much else I can think of but if I enjoy them, then I know Destructoid's writers must be doing something right.

Podcasts aka Podcastle

To be honest, IMO the podcasts on Destructoid are alright. Just alright. Podtoid is decent but just feels like any other gaming podcast and I just don't like RFGO, it isn't my thing. (I'll start running once I've posted this) However, ironically the one that most people don't like is the one I love. Ever since I listened to Podcastle for the first time (the Wilbo Sean Connery episode I believe) I've been downloading every new episode for my biweekly dose of Jim, Lauren and Wardrox. It might be the Britishness of it all, or the humour, or even that it doesn't just stick purely to gaming discussion. It just melds all together into 1-2 hours of audiosex. Plus, live Podcastles where we all take the piss out of Wardrox? Just awesome.

And probably the most important reason. From some of the funny comments in the blogosphere, to shits and giggles during Friday Night Fights or just chatting with everyone in IRC, I've just fallen in love with the Destructoid community. (Except thebez, but fuck that guy) It's the first community I truly feel a part of, and I look forward to spending many more years with the community. The funny thing is that I haven't even been to a NARP yet. It won't be much longer but the best parts of the community are yet to come for me.

Well that's the 3 reasons I could think of what Destructoid has done for me in my first year. From becoming friends with great people to laughing at Wardrox/Lauren's misery, I look forward to hopefully many more years of fun and laughs. Thank you Niero for creating the greatness and to everyone who has contributed to that greatness. Now I'm out of here before I pull Destructoid's dick too much.   read

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