Oh Ganandos, we could have been friends. This all started with a nice drive out in the country to see your wonderful castle. I was never here to save the President's Daughter like you thought I was. And when I came into one of your houses, I was only looking for someone to point me to the castle. So when one of you gave me that face when I asked you for directions, I knew we wouldn't be friends. You see, giving me a look like that, I had no choice but to shoot one of you in the face. Was that enough of a warning not to piss you off? No, you went one further and knocked my car off a cliff. I'd worked for years to earn that car. There was no way you were getting away with that.

I have no regrets about walking into a village full of innocent Ganandos and popping their heads off one after another. Trashing another guy's car is like shooting him in the balls and that's not cool. Even your Dr.Salvador tried to reason with me but despite his admirable resistance to bullets, even he couldn't stop himself from dying at the hands of my pistol. But I suppose I can't blame you completely. After all I didn't know that you were all being controlled by some crazy cosplaying freak and his midget bitch, but they should have realized that I was only coming to your village for a quiet week away, not on some rescue mission and once they made you trash my car, there was no going back. You could have resisted their orders. Gone Communist on their asses like your Cuban equivalents and rose above their parasite dictatorship. But no, you just blindly followed orders and you all ended up dead, along with that parasite that blinded you. Or so I thought.


You just couldn't call it a day could you Las Plagas. You just had to go infect another village didn't you. Manjini, it wasn't completely your fault, but you too could have resisted from being controlled. I mean you could have easily have fought a civil war with David Bowie and his bitch and arms monkey, but you were weak and submissive and when you gave me the same eye that first Ganando had given me five years prior, I knew this was going to end well with me and you riding off into the sunset. The feelings I had gotten in Spain returned and I slaughtered every single one of you.

Still, if anything good has come out of encountering both you Ganandos and Manjini, is that I did get some sort of sick thrill out of it and £60's worth of fun. It doesn't make up for my car being destroyed, but I feel that you did indeed get your just deserts. And for giving me something interesting to do while I was on holiday in Spain and Kijuju, I salute you.