hot  /  reviews  /  video  /  blogs  /  forum

FRESH MEAT  
|   FROM OUR COMMUNITY BLOGS

Gibbo's blog


10:14 AM on 06.02.2010

Who is BritToid? Gibbo takes a look at the Bookies' predictions


Well that's the question on everyone's lips isn't it? Ever since the public was told to have something to smile about on June 7th, speculation has been rampant and what or just who BritToid is. Ian Roberts MP, Minister of Photoshop has been teasing us with potential people who may been involved in the event, including treasured icons Keith Chegwin, Sooty and Ross Kemp. The bookies have been taking part as well and a number of potential candidates now have odds. Here I investigate some of the various figures the bookies are putting forward and whether they're worth betting on.

Postman Pat 4-1

It's no surprise to see the jolly postman here. He's been having a hard time over the last few years keeping up with all the new rival children TV shows as to the new age he's looking a bit dated. That being said, he still a British icon and BritToid could be just the gig he needs to get his career back on track. The only thing that could set him back is that black and white cat. After the sex scandal that hit the papers a few months back, it's not the most popular right now and may hold Pat back. This would be the safe bet but that doesn't guarantee Pat will be making an appearance.

Noel Edmonds 7-1

After Noel's House Party ended, many thought it'd be the last we'd see of Noel but he is currently on a resurgence right now after the success of Deal or No Deal. A British Veteran like Postman Pat, he is loved by many generations of Britons. This makes him a prime candidate for appearing on BritToid. That being said, Edmonds appearing may bring back memories of Mr.Blobby, who has rarely been mentioned ever since "the incident". There is also the fact that Noel already has it safe with Deal or No Deal, so may not want to take a risk on BritToid. All being said, he has the right mixture of unpredictability and safeness to make a good bet for.

Sean Connery 16-1

We haven't heard a lot from the Scottish actor as of late. The last I remember hearing about him was when he declined to appear in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Given his stature, you think you'd hear more about him. But wait, what if it's because he's been working on BritToid? As Clint Eastwood has proven, old actors can still have a lot left in them so there is all the possibility that this is what Connery has been doing all this time. Certainly an outsider, but one that could win you a lot of money.

Ringo Starr 25-1

Every piece of media needs some comedic relief and who better to serve that purpose than the goofy but ultimately loveable Ringo Starr? Even in a band like The Beatles, Starr was always the butt of most of the jokes and so he can be again on BritToid. On the other hand, he's in no position that he needs to, since that cow that milks Beatles money will never run dry. But then, it's not like he's done anything worth mentioning since then right?

The Master 100-1

A very strange choice by the bookies here, given The Master isn't even from Planet Earth, nevermind the United Kingdom. It's very possible they're under his control though. Although looking at it, is it actually a bad idea? Like the comedic relief, every piece of media also needs a complete cunt that everyone can hate and blame for any problems in it. Could this be the case for BritToid as well? Well first The Master would have to somehow escape from the Time block technobabble but if he can survive through just a ring then I'm sure he can make it onto BritToid.   read


5:00 PM on 11.03.2009

Blowing Out The Eternal Flame: An IRC Love Story


If you at least have an idea what Gandy is like, then you will know that he is a complete manslut. His first love was The Young Scot, but as soon as he saw Halfleft for the first time, it was never the same for the two confused young men. Recently Gandy has moved onto Corican after meeting him at Eurogamer, but The Young Scot wasn't going to let Gandy forget about his first love. The following is what happened next in IRC:

<4Gibbo> I remember the days of Gandy and Scot
[22:54] <04Gibbo> poor Scot
[22:55] * %The_Young_Scot weeps
[22:55] <Corican> Sorry Scot, I feel kinda guilty
[22:55] <+Gandy> fuck him
[22:55] <%The_Young_Scot> DON'T YOU TALK TO ME YOU HOME WRECKER
[22:55] <+Gandy> he left me a long time ago
[22:55] <04Gibbo> Gandy was stolen from him long before you
[22:55] <+Gandy> YOU WERE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
[22:55] <Corican> ok, thats cool then
[22:56] <04Gibbo> it's pretty much Halfie's fault
[22:56] <+Gandy> You cant speak to my Jordypoo like that!
[22:56] <%The_Young_Scot> I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH? I BAKED MY GENITALS INTO A PIE FOR YOU!
[22:56] * +Gandy smacks The_Young_Scot in the face with the genital pie
[22:56] <04Gibbo> once Gandy set his eyes on that Geordie, it was never the same
[22:56] <+Gandy> TAKE THEM BACK
[22:56] <+Gandy> I NEVER WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN
[22:56] <%The_Young_Scot> those were a gift....
[22:57] <Corican> I'm gonna have to add Jordypoo to my word alert list now
[22:57] <+Gemsi> the fact you still had it shows you care on some level....
[22:57] <04Gibbo> You've only broke his heart more now
[22:57] <ThePhil> I need whiskey
[22:57] <+Gandy> Some gift, less than an inch long and no reciept?
[22:57] <+Gandy> What am I supposed to do with this shit?
[22:57] <+Gandy> YOUR LAST NAME ISNT EVEN MCSPLOSION FOR CHRISSAKES!
[22:57] <+Gandy> When will the lies end....
[22:57] <%The_Young_Scot> hey, I didn't bake ALL of my genitals into the pie
[22:57] <%The_Young_Scot> I have backups
[22:58] <Batthink> He still has a ball left?
[22:58] <+Gandy> That jsut shows your fear of commitment, you never could work past it
[22:58] <%The_Young_Scot> You never let me close! Everytime I tried to get near you put up walls
[22:58] <%The_Young_Scot> especially around your butt
[22:58] <+Gandy> I left a glory hole didnt I?
[22:58] <+Gandy> We could still be...intimate
[22:59] <Corican> *ahem*
[22:59] <04Gibbo> it's too late now
[22:59] <%The_Young_Scot> there was no glory to be had in that hole
[22:59] <%The_Young_Scot> just shame
[22:59] <+Gandy> You werent ashamed when we first did it
[22:59] <+Gandy> You showed me off all around town
[22:59] <+Gandy> Like a prize you won at a fair
[22:59] <ThePhil> Now I have whiskey
[23:00] <%The_Young_Scot> That was before you let yourself go, started groaping at people on the street
[23:00] <+Gandy> I only started groping other people because you wouldnt touch me
[23:00] <+Gandy> Even when you got drunk you would lock yourself in the bathroom and wank into old photos of Steve Irwin
[23:00] <+Gandy> WHY NOT ME
[23:00] <+Gandy> WHY WASNT I GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU
[23:01] <ThePhil> Really, this is still going? Now I'm more glad I got whiskey
[23:01] <%The_Young_Scot> YOU WERE TOO CLINGY! YOU KEPT TALKING ABOUT THE CHILDREN WE WOULD HAVE TOGETHER
[23:01] <%The_Young_Scot> YOU CAN'T GIVE BIRTH!
[23:01] <%The_Young_Scot> I couldn't bring myself to tell you
[23:01] <+Gandy> I WAS WILLING TO TRY WHY WERENT YOU?
[23:01] <nikmonroe> I keep checking in and it's just getting more sexual
[23:01] <+Gandy> Miracles happen you know!
[23:02] <%The_Young_Scot> I COULDN'T HUMOUR YOU ANY LONGER, YOU KEPT EATING PREGNANCY TESTERS, THINKING IT WOULD MAKE YOU MORE FERTILE
[23:02] <%The_Young_Scot> YOUR URINE NEVER TURNED BLUE BECAUSE YOU ARE A BARREN WASTELAND
[23:02] <+Gandy> ONLY BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT TAKE ME TO THE CLINIC FOR IVF, DONT YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH TO PAY FOR THE TREATMENT?
[23:03] <ThePhil> Jesus
[23:03] <+Gandy> YOU KNOW I WAS BORN INTO A POOR FAMILY, WHILST YOU WERE BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN YOUR MOUTH
<%The_Young_Scot> THEY COULD FIRE A NUCLEAR WARHEAD UP YOUR BACKSIDE, IT WOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR ABILITY TO GET UP THE DUFF
[23:03] * +Gandy sobs uncontrollably
[23:03] <Corican> ALRIGHT SCOT, BACK THE FUCK UP!
[23:03] <+Gandy> I HATE YOU
[23:03] <Corican> IT'S OVER. HE'S MOVED ON.
[23:04] <+Gandy> JORDYPOO, TAKE ME HOME
[23:04] <Corican> LEAVE IT ALONE!
[23:04] <%The_Young_Scot> TAKE HIM CORICAN! HE'S TAINTED GOODS
[23:04] <+Gandy> He's going to hit me again
[23:04] * +Gandy cowers
[23:04] <%The_Young_Scot> But one day Corican, ONE DAY, you'll find him hunched over a small indian child, claiming to be his papa
[23:04] <%The_Young_Scot> and it will break your heart
[23:04] * %The_Young_Scot weeps
[23:05] * +Gandy slaps The_Young_Scot
[23:05] <+Gandy> SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH
[23:05] * %The_Young_Scot pulls gandy's hair
[23:05] * +Gandy rips The_Young_Scot's dress
[23:06] * %The_Young_Scot pushes gandy into a puddle
[23:06] * +Gandy charges at The_Young_Scot and pushis him down, pinning him to the floor
[23:06] <+Gandy> WHY WONT YOU JUST HOLD ME LIKE YOU USED TO
[23:06] * %The_Young_Scot struggles with Gandy, tearing at his clothing
[23:07] * +Gandy rips the remnants of The_Young_Scot's dress off and grabs his throat, choking him
[23:08] * %The_Young_Scot gasps and tries to use his feet to knock Gandy off him, inadvertently depantsing him
[23:08] * +Gandy 's choking hands slowly loosen as he stares deep into The_Young_Scot's gorgeous eyes
[23:10] * %The_Young_Scot lustfully looks into the eyes of Gandy, lips trembling as he utters "Take me you beautiful hairy bastard!"
[23:10] * +Gandy mounts The_Young_Scot like there's no tomorrow

At this point, it became too sexy for IRC to handle.   read


11:09 AM on 09.04.2009

6 More Things To Do If You're Not At PAX

You might remember that this time last year I made a blog telling you 5 things that you could do if you weren't at PAX. Well, PAX 2009 has just kicked off and once again there are some of us not there, so that means that it's time for more alternatives, but this time we're cranking it up all the way to 6!

1.Cry again

Sure, it was on the last year's list, but SHIT FUCKING SUCKS. Not only are more people than ever going this year, but once again we get not just the fact that everyone is having a merry old time at PAX, but even after PAX we'll get the chatter in IRC and the clusterfuck of emotional PAX related cblogs. If that's not a reason to cry, then I don't know what is.

2.Join FOP aka Friends of the PAXLess

I can't help you with translating the foppish found throughout the call to arms but hey, if they're there for PAXless people then that's fine by me. I think.

3.Play some videogames!

Well this is a site based around videogames. I'm not going to suggest you start knitting or something am I? The brilliant Batman: Arkham Asylum came out recently for example and even if you can't afford to even pay for your internet (see: Wilbo), then you should have a healthy amount of games that you can replay. I'd say join in on FNF, but FNF will be a ghost town this week I'm afraid to say.

4.Come in IRC and be bitter and jaded

Yesterday, PAX went from a Karma of around 90 to an eventual karma of -130. That is the power of the anti-PAX pillow fortress in IRC. Thanks to Bloodylip, we also have to the power to kick anyone in PAX who even dares to try and come and rub our faces in it over at IRC. Unless Aerox is online, in which case we're fucked. Don't tell the people that though, it would bring down their morale.

5.(UK special) Go Watch District 9

It finally came out here today and I heard it's a pretty cool guy. Hell, you Americans could even go watch it again if you so wish.

6.Twiddle your thumbs

Mmm, sexy.

Now who said PAX weekend would be a drag?

Bonus no7. TITS!

I heard they get you hits.

P.S In before fapping.   read


5:12 AM on 08.25.2009

Why I Love Myself


Oh right, this about Dtoid. In that case I'll just copypasta my year one blog.

Oh right, this about Dtoid. In that case I'll just copypasta my year one blog.

It was December 31st 2007 when I first visited Destructoid and decided to sign up. Too be honest I don't really remember alot of the occasion; I mean it wasn't exactly something I thought would change my life as drastically as it has. I guess I just thought I'd try a different community for a while. So I signed up, had a look around and stayed, eventually becoming the only community I would be at on the internet.

Articles
Destructoid's writers have always felt like they're writing as one of us. They're not some just "professional games journalists" who writs like they have the emotions of a Terminator but are opinionated people with a good sense of humour and knowledge. Not much else I can think of but if I enjoy them, then I know Destructoid's writers must be doing something right.

Podcast (or more importantly, Podcastle)
To be honest, IMO the podcasts on Destructoid are alright. Just alright. Podtoid is decent but just feels like any
other gaming podcast and I just don't like RFGO, it isn't my thing. (I'll start running once I've posted this)
However, ironically the one that most people don't like is the one I love. Ever since I listened to Podcastle for the first time (the Wilbo Sean Connery episode I believe) I've been downloading every new episode for my biweekly dose of Jim, Lauren and Wardrox. It might be the Britishness of it all, or the humour, or even that it doesn't just stick purely to gaming discussion. It just melds all together into 1-2 hours of audiosex. Plus, live Podcastles where we all take the piss out of Wardrox? Just awesome. The Podcastle might be over now but I can't wait for what Jim, Lauren and Wardrox bring us next.

Community
Probably the most important reason. From some of the funny comments in the blogosphere, to shits and giggles during Friday Night Fights, to looking down on the AAA Squad in the forums or just chatting with everyone in IRC (and let's be honest, that's a lot). I've just fallen in love with the Destructoid community (Except thebez, but fuck that guy). It's the first community I've truly felt a part of, and I look forward to spending many more years with the community.

I look forward to hopefully many more years of fun and laughs. Or something.

P.S Cblogging still doesn't work with Chrome? Lame.   read


5:33 PM on 08.10.2009

Happy Birthday Fusion!

[embed]143628:21332[/embed]


Happy Birthday!   read


4:55 AM on 07.02.2009

Happy Burfday Halfleft!




He may be a pain in the arse with his spelling corrections sometimes, but we do love our Grammar Nazi from Newcastle really (well at least Gandy does.). So in return for my birthday shoutout, here is a birthday shoutout for Halfleft! Happy Burfday!   read


1:10 PM on 06.30.2009

So I Got A Package From The Postman This Morning.


So there I was on Tuesday morning having my beauty sleep as beautiful people do, when I was rudely awakened by the postman at 9am. What could it be I wonder. So I got up and went down the stairs and...


...OH MY GOD IT'S A PACKAGE FROM ANTHONY BURCH. A reconstruction has been used as the original packaging was binned but I tell you the truth when I was shocked to see such appalling handwriting on the package. I almost thought it was from Gandysampras at first. So anyway, I opened the package to find...

...VIDEO GAMES! Only about a week after winning the contest, my prizes were here. That certainly made up for the handwriting. I almost noticed that it cost $12.50 to send the package. Even in these hard economic times, Anthony Burch still does his best to bring joy to the people. What was interesting is that the Warioland box had French parts on it. Canadian version maybe? Of course the main question is, do they actually work since they're NTSC titles?

I'm happy to report that they do! Luckily, the NTSC version of Quantum Of Solace is region free, so my 360 accepted it no problem. As for the Wii games, with a little NOT GeckoOS, both of them also worked fine.

So there we have it, 3 new games to play when I had none left that I hadn't already completed. Clearly Anthony Burch is a master of timing. I bet he got those skills from Braid. Anyway as for impressions, I've played Quantum Of Solace for a few hours now and it's actually pretty fun no thanks to the CoD4 engine. However it's criminally short. I only tried the tutorial level of Wario Land: Shake It but it seemed like a pretty decent platformer. As for Nights: Journey Of Dreams, I only put the disc in to see it worked as I'll play that and Wario Land once I've completed Quantum Of Solace. So thanks go to Anthony Burch for the games and Papa Burch for picking my shoop as the winning entry.   read


4:36 PM on 05.06.2009

Quad Wielding Gibson

  read


4:56 PM on 05.05.2009

Red Faction Guerrilla Impressions

(originally posted on Mediawhorenetwork)

One of my first posts on MWN was an impressions post for the Red Faction: Guerrilla beta that was taking place at the time. At the time I thought It had potential but it still had a bit to go. Well the game has been worked on since then and so we come to April, where myTHQ users could sign up for free and get the new single player Red Faction: Guerrilla demo for free. Being the loyal, hard working myTHQ member I am, I quickly took that offer and have now been playing the demo for about a week before everyone else got it yesterday. So how does it compare with the beta Iíve played?

Well first off if youíre looking for story then youíre not in the right place at all. Red Faction: Guerrilla may be brainless action, but itís fun brainless action. So the story is pretty simple. Basically youíre on Mars and part of the Red Faction, a rebel group who is trying to start a revolution against the cliche evil EDF (Earth Defence Force?). We are never told why theyíre evil, but they are so theyíre the enemy. You also have the help of the miners, who are sick of the EDFís oppression but are too scared it seems to have their own revolution so itís up to you and your fellow dirty commies to help them go Viva La Revolution on the EDFís arses.


So the demo mission is to steal a walker for the miners. Should be simple right, so letís get to work. Now the gameís main attention grabber is the physics and the destruction you can course and for once, when a developer says that you can destroy anything, they mean it. From bridges to portable loos, virtually everything can be destroyed it one way or another and boy is it fun. It gives you various options in your destruction too. Do you smash the toilet down with your mighty Moon Hammer or do you make a minuscule effort by using vehicles like the tank or the walker? Do you destroy a bridge with the hands of a walker or do you strategically plant bombs on the frames of the bridge? Itís great stuff and hopefully means that the final game shouldnít get too repetitive.

So Iím going through the camp, hitting everything in the way with my hammer, or with a gun for the EDF drones, where the arguably weakest part shows in that the shooting is pretty generic really. The weapon changing system is also a little clunky with up to 4 weapons being available by pressing RB/R1 and the analog stick left, right, up or down. That being said the focus is more on the other toys than anything else. Eventually after I make my way through the camp, I reach the walker, and this is where the fun starts. The walker is one mighty of object of destruction and you can destroy so much with it that the game has to slow down a little just to keep going. The main idea that came from the game is that if you like destroying things, then this is the game for you.

So after getting the Walker to our vehicle, weíre onto the final section of the demo, which is a truck chase with you on the back with a big, awesome turret. Itís a good sign with this as it shows that the game might have more variety than just being on foot all of the time. After the demo finishes, Iím told Iíve unlocked hard, which is the same as normal except for a smaller health bar, and a trailer which promises a huge open map and up to 120 missions. This sounds pretty promising if itís true repeated playthroughs did give the worry that the game might be a bit repetitive. The game also promises about 17 weapons as well, which should be nice for multiplayer mode. In conclusion, the positives outweigh the negatives and Iím a lot more excited about Red Faction: Guerrilla than I was before. That being said I think Iíll wait for a while when itís released to see if the price drops. Red Faction: Guerrilla is out on June 5th for Xbox 360, Playstation 3 and PC. Viva La Revolution comrade!   read


5:49 PM on 04.12.2009

Those About To Die: Ganandos and Manjini


Oh Ganandos, we could have been friends. This all started with a nice drive out in the country to see your wonderful castle. I was never here to save the President's Daughter like you thought I was. And when I came into one of your houses, I was only looking for someone to point me to the castle. So when one of you gave me that face when I asked you for directions, I knew we wouldn't be friends. You see, giving me a look like that, I had no choice but to shoot one of you in the face. Was that enough of a warning not to piss you off? No, you went one further and knocked my car off a cliff. I'd worked for years to earn that car. There was no way you were getting away with that.

I have no regrets about walking into a village full of innocent Ganandos and popping their heads off one after another. Trashing another guy's car is like shooting him in the balls and that's not cool. Even your Dr.Salvador tried to reason with me but despite his admirable resistance to bullets, even he couldn't stop himself from dying at the hands of my pistol. But I suppose I can't blame you completely. After all I didn't know that you were all being controlled by some crazy cosplaying freak and his midget bitch, but they should have realized that I was only coming to your village for a quiet week away, not on some rescue mission and once they made you trash my car, there was no going back. You could have resisted their orders. Gone Communist on their asses like your Cuban equivalents and rose above their parasite dictatorship. But no, you just blindly followed orders and you all ended up dead, along with that parasite that blinded you. Or so I thought.


You just couldn't call it a day could you Las Plagas. You just had to go infect another village didn't you. Manjini, it wasn't completely your fault, but you too could have resisted from being controlled. I mean you could have easily have fought a civil war with David Bowie and his bitch and arms monkey, but you were weak and submissive and when you gave me the same eye that first Ganando had given me five years prior, I knew this was going to end well with me and you riding off into the sunset. The feelings I had gotten in Spain returned and I slaughtered every single one of you.

Still, if anything good has come out of encountering both you Ganandos and Manjini, is that I did get some sort of sick thrill out of it and £60's worth of fun. It doesn't make up for my car being destroyed, but I feel that you did indeed get your just deserts. And for giving me something interesting to do while I was on holiday in Spain and Kijuju, I salute you.   read


11:32 AM on 04.01.2009

Scumbag Jim Sterling Joins The Daily Mail Editorial Team

So I was checking my feeds this morning when I came across this Daily Mail article. Now I only have a Daily Mail feed because they make me laugh but I was shocked to find who we thought was our friend, Jim Sterling, writing for them, claiming that teenagers say that violent video games make them murderers. We trusted you Sterling!

(the evidence)   read


6:24 PM on 02.17.2009

My Evil Doppelganger Reveals Himself


Uncanny no? This is one of the possibly fathers of the kid that came from the 15 year old whore that the British media has been wanking over recently. As Bunnyrabbit2 quite right pointed out, one of these fathers looks a lot like me. So I've come to the conclusion that he must be my evil doppelganger and if he is the father then he has given his sperm to the anti-christ. Now I've got to fight him to the death for the world's sake. This evil one came first but I will have victory!

Battle plan ideas?   read


  Around the web (login to improve these)




Back to Top


We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -