Here is the culprit:


Link: http://shelltoontv.livejournal.com/31548.html

[i]"For those of you who don't know, a group of people who were banned from screwattack.com formed a site named freezecracker.com, designed to be nothing more than an imitation of said site. Their main show is this thing called "The Gameboys" which is an attempt to look at games, but is ultimately failing at trying to be that. It can't be taken seriously, nor is it funny. It's like they try hard to be /b/tards, but can't even grasp what makes a /b/tard funny. I guess I should give you an inside look at what makes these guys think they're so funny. I'm going to look at Episode 4 which is titled "Lover Butter" for whatever reason, and you'll see what I mean.

The first sequence of this episode involves Geoff Mendicino, the founder of Freeze Cracker, reviewing quite possibly the worst game ever on the 360, Bomberman Act Zero. In the review he blasts the original Bomberman game saying it was an utter failure for its artwork, and that Act Zero is a great game. This is all well and dandy that he's sharing his opinion, but it falls apart as soon as he mentions there's a female robot character in the game, and it cuts to video of him using the Wiimote like a dick and masturbating in front of the TV, him constantly humping the bed, showing close-ups of the robot Bomberman girl's breasts, and fake ejaculation with his girlfriend eventually throwing a shoe at him. If I was his girlfriend, I'd probably have given him a royal beatdown for doing this in the first place, because I'd be embarrassed to be associated with that guy. Then he tries to show the multiplayer aspect of the game, which is just him in a lobby with one other person and he won't shut up, which makes the host end the game before it starts. This is how the guy is over Xbox Live and any other online game, he ruins your experience because he finds it funny. He then gives the game a "crap out of 10" as he scores it, and tosses his copy of Halo 3 against the wall, and starts crying. It's really not funny, it's like a really bad softcore porn movie, but we're just getting started, the worst is yet to come.

I forgot the next guy's name, but apparently he did too because he screws up his intro and does it over again. He decides to review Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on the DS... yeah, this generally means shaky camera footage, but this is shaky camera footage at its worst. He doesn't mention anything about plot, or any gameplay in the review, he just talks about the stylus controls we've known about in the DS, but the point of this review is him shouting into the DS mic trying to get an item called The Salvage Arm. The idea of this segment of the game is to shout into the mic as loud as you can to get said item at a low price. He does this for an excessive amount of time, before finally settling on 100 Rupees, he must be expecting to get it for free. So from this review I don't know how he would score it, but he scores it 1500/10. After this, you might be wondering if it gets any better? Oh no, it hits an all time low in quite possibly one of the worst things I've ever seen.

Up next is a review of Wii Party Games. OH MY GOD, it's a guy who's going bald cross-dressing in a pink babydoll shirt and a skirt! To make it worst, he tries to sound all feminine, but blows it badly and isn't able to do it as well as MasakoX did in Naruto Abridged. Moving on, his/her friend "Jessica" comes over, and he runs to the door like a girl while Mariah Carrey's "Fantasy" plays in the background, but it's so loud you can barely hear any of them, and Jessica is a guy in blue jeans and a green babydoll shirt, with what I'm guessing is a shit-stained face, and I mean that literally. It looks like somebody smeared shit all over his mouth, and eventually they finally start playing some Wii games. The one guy mentions that the games are only fun for about five minutes. Party games are meant for more than two people, and yes they will eventually get tiring after a while. You'd think the whole review is over with, but all of a sudden it becomes something completely different, and revolves around Jessica and this guy's relationship. Jessica starts pulling out all sorts of booze from his backpack, to which the one guy is shocked, and can't deliver this line in a convincing manner. If I had to write out the performance, this is what it's like: "Is that... a-a-al...co... hol??..." Then he says his mom won't let him drink until he's 42. To which Jessica invites some guys over with his friend saying "I'm not allowed to touch a dick until I get pregnant." Suddenly, the two guys Jessica invites over are all dancing around Jessica, feeling him up as he pretends to drink the booze. Obviously the kid is smart enough to not actually drink it, since he's probably in high school. Anyway, the two friends get into an argument with the one guy saying "When you wake up dead tomorrow morning, give me a call." I'm sorry, was anybody thinking straight when they wrote that line? The next day the father mentions to the guy that his friend Jessica was in the obituary with the cross dresser saying "This day just keeps getting better and better." The father breaks out a bottle of liquor, pours it into his coffee while dramatic music plays in the background with the father saying "So does mine." It is finally revealed that Wii Party Games gets 0/10. Where the fuck was the review for the party games, and what is the deal with the ending? Am I to assume the FATHER killed Jessica or something? Actually, I wonder if there was ANY WRITING involved with this, because a lot of it feels improvised.

Up next is a review of... Frogger on the SNES by a guy who calls himself SuperPissedOffAngryGamer420, and he mentions that the 420 means he supports the use of marijuana. WHO GIVES A FLYING SHIT IF YOU SUPPORT IT OR NOT???? Actually, by him revealing that he supports it, may indicate he smokes marijuana, meaning the internet police will track him down giving all info to the real police, and having him arrested. He should be arrested for this shoddy video he calls a "review." He makes a comment saying that the SNES is the worst system ever made, and that he hates Nintendo, but likes Sony's Playstation due to the graphics. Yes, he mentions the graphics being the best thing the PS3 has to offer, but what good are its graphics if the games suck so bad? Say it with me... top of the line hardware does not a good console make. Back to the review, SPOAG420 mentions that Frogger was an old game on the Genesis, which is horribly wrong because Frogger was an OLD arcade game made by Sega, and got licensed to Hasbro who ported it to the SNES in 1997 with enhanced graphics, sound and music. Unfortunately he doesn't even know the rules of Frogger, he says the object of the game is to run the frog over. If you've lost your sanity like I did, you'll sit through this supposed review of an old game and realize he gives it a crappy score. When I review a game, I do as much fact checking as possible, which often leads to me having a totally different opinion compared to everyone else.

We have one more segment to go, and that's the Halo 3 launch coverage. This is the only time I can consider taking these guys seriously, but that's up until its end when the one Freeze Cracker guy picks up his copy of Halo 3. The camera is constantly behind him playing the Halo theme in the background, and once he walks out, he says in a normal voice "Smash my Halo 3.com" and lightly drops the game on the ground, waves his hands over it like a magician, and slides it on the tarmac with the camera man going "Oh my god... I can't believe he did that." It's so stupid, nobody gave two flying shits about what the guy did, but they probably said "That was the most retarded thing I've ever seen" which is how I felt because if you're going to smash a copy of Halo 3, at least have the cojones to really destroy it, maybe with a hammer?

So to sum it up, I lost my sanity watching this 30 minute endeavor they call a show about gaming, but all I see are a bunch of high school kids being immature and making complete asses out of themselves, just like this review I'm probably doing the same thing, being immature and making a complete ass out of myself."[/i]

Also:

I cannot fucking wait until this guy's show comes out. I'm going to plug the fuck out of it.